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Underground > Games & Gameplay >

Barkley Shut Up and Jam Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the The Hoopz Barkley SaGa

  
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
18:49 / 13.03.08


The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...

Flash forward 12 years to the post-cyberpocalyptic ruins of Neo New York, 2053. A Chaos Dunk rocks the island of Manhattan, killing 15 million. When the finger is put on the aging Charles Barkley, he must evade the capture of the B-Ball Removal Department, led by former friend and baller Michael Jordan, and disappear into the dangerous underground of the post-cyberpocalypse to clear his name and find out the mysterious truth behind the Chaos Dunk. Joined by allies along the way, including his son Hoopz, Barkley must face the dangers of a life he thought he gave up a long time ago and discover the secrets behind the terrorist organization B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S.

That's from the press release, and if you're like me, you probably started downloading the game before you even finished reading.

Barkley plays exactly like an SNES RPG, while viciously and perfectly skewering the tropes of that genre. Barkley is a gruff, tortured man with incredible powers (the verboten jams) that he has suppressed in the wake of his responsibility for the Great B-Ball Purge and his wife's death. His sidekick, Balthios (the great-grandson of LeBron James, AKA the mysterious "Ultimate Hellbane") is chirpy and upbeat, trying to bring out the innate goodness of Barkley. Their companion, Vinceborg 2050 has lost his memories, but when he regaind them, will he be friend or foe (those familiar with Vince Carter know the answer to this question). Their nemesis, (of course) Michael Jordan, has turned from great baller to sleazy agent of the forces of oppression. And so on. It's fucking great.

I've only logged about two hours into it so far, but the writing has had me laughing out loud, something I rarely do. My partner has been looking at me like I'm insane, but I can't hype the writing enough. The save points, owned by eeevil omnipresent multinational corporation Square-Enix-Goya, are particularly good, as each one spouts propaganda like this:

Ahh, console video games (or vidcons as I call them), the ultimate medium of expression, able to convey any emotion ranging from hatred to love. loyalty to fear, all in front of our eyes. Ah, and with lovingly crafted art, music and the ability to control the action, vidcons are the ultimate combination of the high arts. While I tend to play the stoic, I will be the first to admit that vidcons have driven me to cry, to scream and shout, to feel actual hate; such is the power of this force beyond our wildest reckoning. And here I am, before you, to tempt your tongues with the taint of such a tantalizing topic. And the Japanese, the true geniuses behind the world of video games. Pah, I throw my scorn upon such incompetents of the West who would mock the true art of the Japanese with 'games' such as Baldur's Gate and Madden. Perhaps it is that the West is not as intelligent as the East, but this is a matter for another day. Japan has given us such masterpieces as the Final Fantasy series, Star Ocean, Wild Arms, and of course, Arc the Lad. Yes, some of the finest vidcons in the world were created by Japanese. I come to you today to ask you in all earnesty, what is your favorite vidcon? I will reveal mine after the grand debate has illustriously begun, but not before the first poster falls victim to my plot of discussion.

Some screenshots to whet your appetite:







This is also canon:



Believe it or not, there's a really solid RPG under all the insanity. Nothing fresh, mind you, but that's sort of the point. I could go on forever about how great this game is, but I'd rather be playing it.

So, would you like to help a man save the great game of B-ball, and, perhaps... himself?
 
 
COBRAnomicon!
19:18 / 13.03.08
Wow. Wow. Wow. That looks like a mountain of fun. Windows-only, though, right?
 
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
19:31 / 13.03.08
Yeah, I think so.

Would it only hurt more if I told you that I just helped Sir Charles save an underground colony of furries from from an evil surgeon who was extorting them in exchange for turning them into the furry of their dreams?
 
 
COBRAnomicon!
19:49 / 13.03.08
At some point, the pain just stops hurting.
 
 
Baroness von Lenska
02:57 / 14.03.08
Oh man, I was totally just about to slap this in the Indie Games Dump and/or its own thread. Quite possibly the best game ever created, simply because it actually manages to work, as a game, both because and in spite of the incredible concept.
 
 
Baroness von Lenska
03:20 / 27.03.08
So I finished this today, and wanted to throw out some thoughts and hopefully garner more interest in this... this sheer mountain of greatness. Or something.

Spoiler free version is: the plot was fantastic. By combining every JRPG cliche, practically doled out on a checklist, with verboten jams, slams, free throws, four point three pointers, zaubers and b-balls, something really fresh and engaging is formed. Nothing particularly new or exciting, but put through such a new and excitingly different light that it feels new and exciting. The writing, pacing, humor and different story arcs are all handled wonderfully until it... just ends.

All this time playing through the game and I'd imagined the subtitle "Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa" to be a joke. Like Mel Brooks' History of the World Part One. There would never be a Chapter 2. Now I'm not so sure. There's plenty of room for a sequel, but BSUJ:G is a very self aware game. Perhaps my favorite example of this self awareness is the abandoned Spalding building. After having the player run around collecting macguffins needed to open a mysteriously sealed elevator door, Barkley and the gang sit around wondering why the hell they had to do all that in the first place; did Spalding employees have to go through all that crap every time they wanted to use the elevator? And what the hell kind of architect designs some mechanism that causes the whole building to shake violently whenever two electronic key cards are inserted into a reader? etc. It's the constant self awareness that make me wonder if the abrupt ending is not intentional. While the game concludes on a major cliffhanger, it's also a major JRPG cliche: the "introduce a bunch of new characters who have no relevance to the plot, reveal the bad guy was actually controlled by a Bigger Bad Guy (capital letters) whose sole function is to be beaten into oblivion by the player and then just throw in a bunch of explosions and roll the credits without really resolving anything" ending. Intentional or not, I still would have liked to see some of the less important plot points resolved, and that's certainly saying something for an amateur humor game.

There's something else in particular about the game that really hooked me. When in combat mode, attacks are carried out not through the typical Final Fantasy battle system of listing Attack, Special, Item etc. commands, but with a set of five icons, each representing the standard commands. By default, the cursor is set to attack, and other commands are executed by holding down the arrow keys and pressing the action button. It feels both familiar and counterintuitive at first, but once you select a standard attack it becomes evident why this was chosen over a simpler system. Selecting the attack command brings up a mildly dexterity based subcommand, different for each character. Barkley can shoot freethrows, pass etc. Balthios slashes out what looks like a Kanji character, Hoopz can choose to take a single, carefully aimed gunshot or rapidly fire several sporadic shots, and so on. It takes a few turns to get used to, but it's scads more fun (and involving) than sitting back and pressing Attack until all enemies are defeated. It's actually quite a progressive feature.

So, uh. Anyone else try this yet? Jake, how're you doing?
 
 
Baroness von Lenska
03:25 / 27.03.08
Wait, wait, wait. Sir Charles? Sorry, Jake, just caught that. I'm curious what you thought about it, as a whole.

Also, I just discovered this and thought it was worth tacking on: the game is fully playable in al Bhed.

Lusa uh yht cmys, yht famlusa du dra zys.
 
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
06:17 / 02.04.08
I think the rushed ending was entirely intentional, and that the first chapter of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa will indeed be the last. It really does mirror the messy, unsatisfying endings of a lot of JRPGS (especially the Final Fantasies of the good, pre-Square-Enix era, where the games would be the best thing ever for the first four-fifths of the game and then descend into stupidity), and I think it does it well. And, seriously, would you actually play the sequel if Sir Charles* wasn't in it? There could be a glorious resurrection, but wouldn't that just dilute the moment of the Great Man redeeming himself and saving humanity by making the Ultimate Sacrifice? You can rest now, Charles. Everything will be okay.

*"Sir Charles" was his nickname in the golden age of B-Ball. I'm not really sure why, but Wikipedia says it's because of "his aggressive and outspoken demeanor." I thought it was just because he was awesome enough to have a silly title. He's definitely the main reason to watch the NBA on TNT, because they rarely have the Celtics on.
 
  
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