Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

For those of us who WISH we were spending XMas Day on our own. For idle hair-pulling and psychological masochism.

Page: (1)2

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

17:35 / 24.12.07

Okay, I'm definitely opting out for family holidays next year in favour of having a nice quiet day with friends (ie, found family), because my mother's been in proximity for less than a day and we're already into the drama and scenes.

All Acting Regiment

17:37 / 24.12.07

Put a lot of gin in their drinks, send them to sleep. Or maybe use a club? I mean I've avoided that shit this year, but still, you don't need it.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

17:45 / 24.12.07

Not quite the best idea with the recovering alcoholic mother, sadly. We'll see how it goes, but I desperately want to have a quiet holiday next year with more emphasis on the one that I'm more personally connected to (Solstice).

This year I need to put up with psychosis and family angst.

Shiny: Well Over Thirty

18:25 / 24.12.07

Xmas day is fine for me - it's boxing day I have to worry about. Big family get together at my grandparents place, which would be fine, except my mom has begged me not to argue if my grandad airs his horrible opinions about muslims or fox-hunting, or any number of other issues, as he's pushing eighty and mom's genuinely afraid having an argument with me at full force might actually kill him. So that's potentially several hours of looking at the floor and biting my tongue and feeling guilty about not disputing things that really need to be disputed.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

18:28 / 24.12.07

Ah, yes! The Christmas Season! When you have to sit through your elderly relatives being horribly racist all day long and you can't say anything. My granddad's the same way, but it seems to have filtered down to the younger cousins as well...

18:58 / 24.12.07

Yes, that's one of the things about my Grandad that I don't miss

19:06 / 24.12.07

You know, I do hope that I don't fuck it up so horribly with my kid that he won't enjoy spending Christmas with us.

I spent the day over at my Dad's yesterday, in the company of Dad, Stepmum, Pigs and partner, my two sisters, one of their blokes, and my little brother (just that very day turned 21), and it was absolutely completely and utterly lovely. Would be fantastic if we can manage the same

00:35 / 25.12.07

mom's genuinely afraid having an argument with me at full force might actually kill him.

But, hey, next year's Christmas would be a lot calmer.

I'm just saying.

00:49 / 25.12.07

ugh.. I just got the "what do you mean you're not going to church?" from my dad.

01:08 / 25.12.07

You didn't tell him about the Satanic Mass, Veng?

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

04:01 / 25.12.07

We're definitely having talks about a lack of family at next year's Christmas; among other things, the idea is being tossed around about doing a Christmas dinner that everyone can actually eat -- ie, vegetarian or at least fish-friendly. My mother didn't really bother to ask if, when she came down, we actually wanted turkey. She knows very well that I'm a semi-vegetarian (eating of the fishes) and yet we continue to dance through this ridiculous charade -- and nobody else at the dinner even like turkey all that much.

Which sounds like whiny small potatoes to complain about, but family can't do anything if not reduce one to a sulky teenager with hair in hir eyes, screaming about not being understood and why does the world hate hir so much.

06:28 / 25.12.07

my family used to be like that, then they disowned my mother for being better than them or something (to hear her tell it) and now we spend christmas with dads side, who like their parties too much to let gossip spoil the cheer. now the only problem is my introverted sister, who comes home from school and cant stand to talk to anyone who didnt emerge from the same birth canal as she did. i expect that if she read the invisibles, shed be here posting along the same lines.

as for me, family is great. but christmas eve makes me wish for one of my own, not just someone to visit on holidays.

and finally, im a vegetarian, but i love eating turkey on christmas. its a lot closer to blood sacrifice (which baby jesus expects) when you dont eat gruesomer things every day.

sorry for being contrary!

12:04 / 25.12.07

Papers, I think that's a plan. Christmas, like weddings, can only be good if you minimise the hassle and maximise the goodness. As I discovered at marriage time, fobbing off relatives can be a bit of a struggle, but it was well worth it in the end.

This year were doing the hassle bit today and tomorrow in that the in-laws are over. I quite like their company, actually, but I'd much rather spend Christmas day just with Bobosso and the Bosun. Anyroad, I'm off to my Mum's tomorrow afternoon for a four day stay, with wife and child following on the next morning. Looking forward to that bout of activity as we managed to leave all the scripted awfulness behind us a good few years ago (since it's inception in my latter teenage years), and started to treat each other like real live human beings with feelings.

The Boy is making Christmas so far. Kids kinda do, I reckon.

14:37 / 25.12.07

Our boy has discovered Pocky. Candy coated sticks. And toy trucks! That roll by themselves!

The girl, meanwhile, is about to turn 5. She got visited by Santa and the Tooth Fairy in ONE NIGHT (unprecedented!). She's now learning how a yo-yo works while watching 13 Going On 30, which might be her favorite movie.

Bliss.

14:38 / 25.12.07

We're going to my parents' house soon.

Kids: the excuse to have Christmas in small doses. In one's own house.

15:37 / 25.12.07

Is truth

16:40 / 25.12.07

You guys are rotting this thread.

In other exciting news, I have a big stack of juicy books and instead of being able to read them, or at least talk about them, I have to sit around and have the kind of non-conversation the branch of my family I'm with this year has. Platitudesville.

17:05 / 25.12.07

I'm at home in relative comfort but still 'bleh'.
Got this text from my flatmate:
"There was a body found in the canal. Right outside.
Merry Christmas".
I'm not sure where I want to be less.

20:10 / 25.12.07

Considering hooking up on gaydar for company.
*Logs on*
Wow, the holidays really do make people needy.
*Logs off*
Still having an accomplice in familial escape and possibly having sweaty anonymous sex in some laybay of this best forgotten hamlet is becoming extremely tempting.

Hydra vs Leviathan

00:12 / 26.12.07

Well, that wasn't a truly terrible Christmas Day. In that slightly-horrible state of having had enough alcohol to be dumbed-down and headachy but not enough to be actually drunk, plus having a nasty sore throat. And i found myself nearly-crying at practically everything on TV, for no discernible reason. But at least i wasn't actually feeling crying-type emotions.

Main thing i'm a bit pissed off about is that some friends were/are having a friends-and-comrades rather than blood-family Christmas which actually had the promise of nice food, proper quantities of alcohol and other substances, and an environment in which i could have expressed my real views about everything and felt a proper people-who-i-love-and-who-understand-me experience, but i was too weak (and in need of the money) to say no to the obligatory blood-family-who-know-next-to-nothing-about-the-real-me thing.

But at least i got a scanner/printer/copier. Although, having the latter means i'll probably be unable to meet up with the friends i was hoping to meet up with on the way home on the 27th or 28th, because lugging it on the train, to either a friend's house or a pub, then back on the train, then to my house isn't really feasible, so the only way for me to get back will be getting a lift from my dad. But, y'know, scanner/printer/copier means shitloads of cool stuff i can do for good causes. So, while i despise consumerism, and have lots of guilt issues about family giving me stuff, i feel a bit better about it if it's stuff that can be subverted for positive purposes...

I'm going to have to demand to go outside tomorrow, tho. Even in this weather, not leaving the house at all for more than one day is guaranteed to do my head in...

00:46 / 26.12.07

I spent today with Mr. Ibis's family (as usual since we moved). I think I've subjected them enough times to the horrors of healthy, whole-foods veg cooking that I've been demoted from "bring a side dish or two" to "bring something you and Mr. I can eat, cause we're having ham." I brought a lovely phyllo pie with lemon tofu, mushrooms, and kale... plus I inflicted some whole wheat dinner biscuits on everyone.

As for my family, I called my dad in the mornining and we chatted for a few minutes, didn't hear from mom all day but left her voicemail, brother sent me a text but I called him later so we could say Merry Christmas like real humans.

Even though I'm not directly exposed to the emotional travails of Christmas with family, I'm not sure that distance can ever really erase the vaguely sad and anxious feelings leftover from painful holidays past, as horribly maudlin as that sounds. My folks had one of those lovely "let's get divorced during the holiday season" divorces several years ago, so, you know.

01:49 / 26.12.07

Indeed, Ibis. Memories of Christmases past. Like since the age of 14 I have been kicked out of my parents house a month before Christmas. This last time I moved into a house with them for the sake of my son, so that he can have some family to grow up with. I was literally kicked out of the house because I told my mom that I want to buy and cook the meals for my son and myself. My mother's response: "I think you should start looking for another place." I was just shocked. I guess I shouldn't be. Thing is, because they moved into this place that was bigger than they needed and they can't really afford, they expect me to pay them my share of the rent still.

Yep, that was my Christmas gift from them. Thank goodness they are down in Florida and not coming around my new place spreading their poison.

I think, for this year and all the years to come, I will give myself the gift of not having anything to do with my family. My son and I are blessed with a Vajra Sangha that are tighter than blood, anyway.

11:06 / 26.12.07

Oh dear. How could I forget the 5-days-max rule? I really should know better by now. I went home last Thursday and we all got on great until, well, Christmas Day. Great timing.

Massive fall-out this morning. My parents just don't appreciate the importance of Dr Who. Yes, mum, I promised to show you a few more things on the computer. Yes, dad, I would like to go for a walk with you. No, I haven't packed my bags yet. No, I haven't checked the airport's website yet. Frankly I don't care about my flight this afternoon because first I'VE GOT TO WATCH KYLIE SAVE THE WORLD. DAMMIT. Not my fault that I couldn't find it online last night.

But I somehow managed to squeeze it all in and I only had to deal with three or four interruptions whilst watching Dr Who. Just been for a lovely walk with my dad. Off to the airport in an hour. Looking forward to the peace and quiet. And the lack of food. No food! Yay!

18:18 / 26.12.07

Thing is, because they moved into this place that was bigger than they needed and they can't really afford, they expect me to pay them my share of the rent still.

Hang on. What?

19:22 / 26.12.07

Yep, Et. You read that correctly.

Also, this year, for my mother's Christmas correspondences she has decided to tell the family that I am still a drug addict although she knows damn well that I have been working on my addiction for the past two years.

This month I cut out Tylenol and Red wine, and come 2008 I will be down to coffee and Advils. Oooh, big bad druggie that I am.

Yep. Mom and dad have earned some major time out from any future Christmases with my son and I.

19:27 / 26.12.07

Papess, I know I probably shouldn't say this, but I don't think I like your parents very much.

At all.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

19:39 / 26.12.07

Papess, you should have them sign up on Barbelith so we can ban them.

My mother is off to my aunt's house, leaving me alone for a couple hours in my apartment - ha! - for the first time in a week and a half (counting the time I was recovering from the wisdom teeth). I don't actually have to talk to anyone for a little while.

And then we have to have dinner and I have to put up with her and my Accomplice bitching at each other for the evening. She leaves tomorrow. She leaves tomorrow. She leaves tomorrow.

19:46 / 26.12.07

It's lovely being at my Mums at the mo'. The in-laws are gone, the Child is 30 miles away, and I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to, and I love the countryside. Sure, Mum's a bit mental but who cares? I'm drunk.

Drunk.

On the alone tip.

Will go downstairs and talk to Pigs and partner in a min, though.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

20:20 / 26.12.07

Say hi for us.

21:07 / 26.12.07

Papess, you should have them sign up on Barbelith so we can ban them.

That sounds like a great idea! Banning them from my son's life and mine is moderation enough to satisfy, though. I don't want to go through this cycle again with them. I can change, but they are still stuck in their toxic ways. Merry FuckUmas!

Boboss, I understand. I don't really like them much anymore either. Last year, I thought I would give them a chance, but they just blew it to hell. Actually, I don't really hate them, but I feel an incredible pity for their sorry-asses. They are messed up.

10:19 / 28.12.07

I seriously upset my mum and I can’t stop thinking about it.

I had lower back pain, which started the evening before I went home and just wouldn’t go away. So a few days ago I jokingly said "It’s my root chakra, I must have mother issues." My mum didn’t find it funny at all and muttered something along the lines of "Of course, everything is my fault." Then she brought it up again on the way to the airport, made a big deal of it and asked me if my childhood had really been that horrible. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to discuss it in the car with just half an hour left and was annoyed that my mum had gotten so worked up about a silly little joke.

In the end she just changed the subject but now I regret that I didn’t make more of an effort to try and resolve the issue. My stupid comment had been meant as a joke but maybe there is a grain of truth in it. I do of course have "hometown issues", otherwise I wouldn’t have fled the country as soon as I had finished school. But I don’t want to drag my mum into it and I’m reluctant to discuss it with her because she’s so hyper-sensitive. We’re one hyper-sensitive family.

15:59 / 28.12.07

Mice, sometimes hypersensitive people need things like that discussing with them, otherwise they make up much worse stuff in their heads about how everything is their fault and how awful they are.

Also Mums mainly do worry themselves sick about their kids childhood being awful, so if your Mum wasn't that bad you should probably re-assure her.

16:09 / 28.12.07

I think everybody inevitably puts everyone elses backs up over Christmas, jerboa, it wouldn't be Christmas in my house if everyone didn't eventually end up alone in some part of the house slightly battle-scarred, muttering swearwords and swigging gin.

Literally five minutes into arriving home, at a large family lunch, my mother decided to hold court over the wreckage of my most recent relationship (in its most intimate details). Odd sock, raised by socially inappropriate wolves, well intentioned woman that she is, kept asking questions about it and what exactly I would do with my life until probably all the colour had drained from my face. She almost admirably ignored anyone else's efforts to change the topic, until my sister said through gritted teeth "Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it" and I left to put my head under the cold tap in the restaurant bathroom and groan for a while.
By today, both me and my sister, were branded selfish ungrateful brats (unlike my half siblings who are admittedly more well rounded together individuals) for not helping enough over Christmas. This is, of course, despite the fact that my sister is 8 and a half months pregnant and that I helped out an extraordinary amount over and after dinner and made every effot to ensure the various kids were occupied and happy.
I think I might spend Christmas with friends in future. Last year I did some charity work and had a quiet dinner with my ex and it was infinitely nicer.

00:41 / 29.12.07

To be honest, some of you poor fucks do need to spend Christmas sans family. Christ.

08:04 / 29.12.07

Don't say that!

Page: (1)2