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The Devil in Disguise

JOY NO WRY

21:15 / 04.12.07

My emboozed Barbelite bretheran, three days hence I'm embarking upon a long journey with a close friend and drinking companion. Unfortunatly, we will be accompanied by strict and disapproving third parties.

Eventually, of course, our transgressions will be revealed via predicatable behavioural changes. In the meantime, however, the challenge is to maintain the teetotal pretense for so long as we might. We need to hide the juice.

So give me yr ideas, friends. I remember reading here once of vodka filled cherry tomatoes! Genius, of course, but I lack a syringe. I have absolute faith in you. Tell me how to saturate an apple with alcohol, how to reseal Ribena cartons, how to slip beneath the radar.

Thanks!

Saint Keggers

21:18 / 04.12.07

Too much trouble. Just kill them. Kill them now.
Then you can drink at their wake.

Princess

21:20 / 04.12.07

Well, vodka in a an empty bottle of mineral water is a pretty standard attack. Unless they are trying to drink your "water" they'd never know, and because the bottle is clear you will be hiding it in plain site. So they won't be suspicious.

Princess

21:22 / 04.12.07

Or, you could make a vodka melon, and take it along as a snack.

That's fairly easy, and lishous.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:26 / 04.12.07

1) You like painting. Hide the bevvy in a big plastic squirty bottle of alleged white paint. Everyone uses lots of white paint. If enough of you play along, you could get away with at least a couple of half-litre containers.

2) Mouthwash. Buy a mouthwashy flavour of booze eg Creme de Menthe or cinnamon schnapps and put it in a mouthwash bottle.

3) Empty Shampoo or other toiletry bottles. (Wash very thoroughly. Like, more very thoroughly than you could possibly dream might be needful.

4) Go to Poundland or similar, pick up a bunch of empty spray bottles. Fill with booze, lable "CLEANSER" "TONER" "LINAMENT" etc. with Sharpie. Food colouring in non-booze colours optional.

5) Hide in foodz. Inject into fruits (melons work well), but soak cake in brandy etc. is easier.

But the best advice I can offer? Just don't drink for a bit. Seriously. Alcohol will not be uninvented in the interval. Treat this as an opportunity to detox--it'll do you good.

JOY NO WRY

21:27 / 04.12.07

That's a great idea! Exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about.

Princess

21:33 / 04.12.07

TTS, the mouthwash idea is brilliant! I'm going to do that in my bathroom as soon as I get some cash.

(I'm not a big drinker, I just like having secrets. It's my parent's fault for never buying me a polly pocket.)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:36 / 04.12.07

Those things I said generally have sugar in them, so you can't really use them instead of Listerine. JSYK.

Princess

21:46 / 04.12.07

On that whole "secrets" fetish:

Just remembered how easy it is to make a hollowed out book. You just need a book (obviously), a knife, some glue and a brush.

Oh, and something heavy and some time. Or a hairdryer.

It feels way retro and you can use it to hide murder weapons as well!

Saint Keggers

21:54 / 04.12.07

Glad to hear I wasnt the only one who did that. (my parents never bought me M*A*S*K toys)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:55 / 04.12.07

You guys did that? I only dreamed...

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:57 / 04.12.07

BTW, wasn't the boy version of Polly Pocket the Mighty Max line? I remember them especially because the cartoon was actually quite fun to watch.

Princess

22:03 / 04.12.07

Why do you both speak in the past tense? I am ammassing secrets now. I won't stop until I'm too old for jail.

On the hiding booze thing, stuffed animals can hold small bottles. And if you have a hot water bottle you can fill it with whatever you like.

Saint Keggers

22:04 / 04.12.07

I think you're right! But that doesnt change the fact that I grew up without the much wanted M*A*S*K toys!

Could you smuggle the booze in a watergun?

Princess

22:07 / 04.12.07

Oh My God! I can't believe I forgot Might Max! He was sooo cool when I was little. I used to watch him after that bizzare cartoon with the transgalactyic telepathic cats. How amazing!

I didn't get one of those either though. Though I suppose it would have been something.

Princess

22:08 / 04.12.07

I can buy a mighty max/polly pocket thing for only £1.99 on eBay. If only the bank would let me have my debit card back, then I would own a piece of 20th century art.

Saint Keggers

22:10 / 04.12.07

I got my niece Polly Pocket for her birthday. That makes me a good uncle. Right? Right???

Mistoffelees

22:11 / 04.12.07

Just remembered how easy it is to make a hollowed out book. You just need a book (obviously), a knife, some glue and a brush.

What did you need all that stuff for? I only used one of these carpetcutting knives.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:12 / 04.12.07

if you have a hot water bottle you can fill it with whatever you like.

Yeah, but whatever you fill it with will taste of hot-water bottle. Believe me when I say that the first pint after a booze-break will be worth the not drinking booze that tastes of hot-water bottle.

stuffed animals can hold small bottles.

But then you'd have to oh fuck scary visual place urrgh.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:13 / 04.12.07

Mist: the glue is to stick the page edges all together so as to make nice solid walls around the empty bit. Otherwise you have a fairly flimsy container.

Princess

22:14 / 04.12.07

Yes.
If you buy me one for Christmas, it will make you into a *better* uncle. JSYK.

The set on eBay, it turns out, does not contain the actual Mighty Max, figurine. The seller's claim that "it is still a great toy for a child to play with" is basically untrue, really.

The bastard.

(edit:Opening affirmative in response to Veng's uncle-fears)

Saint Keggers

22:20 / 04.12.07

Y'know Im picturing your wedding cake with PollyPockets and/or MightyMaxs on the top. When you do marry wazzisname.

Princess

22:27 / 04.12.07

Nah, no marriage happening round here. That relationship has gone to live at a big farm in the country. (That's a euphemism for put down) (Which is in turn a metaphor for the way the relationship is now over)

I could make a cake like that anyway? Or order one from a bridal cake shop. Buying stuff from wedding companies is the bomb.

Tsuga

22:36 / 04.12.07

I'm just imagining someone traveling with a melon for a snack.

Mistoffelees

22:43 / 04.12.07

Mist: the glue is to stick the page edges all together so as to make nice solid walls around the empty bit. Otherwise you have a fairly flimsy container.

Mine is quite sturdy. It´s a 580 page hardback, and I cut away from 169 to 536; the container is 3 cm deep, 9 cm wide and 15 cm long (enough space for cash, keys, drugs, knife, ipod full of secret data etc).

Saint Keggers

22:45 / 04.12.07

I just had this insane thought...

maybe your third party would be more dissapointed that you tried to hide your drinking than they would be had you just told them you were drinking? I know, its crazy but I am drinking.

grant

02:27 / 05.12.07

I shouldn't but - I've read that during a period of prohibition in Ireland, folks switched to ether. It hits quicker and leaves the system quicker. Can be inhaled or drunk. The story goes that people would be picked up for drunk and disorderly, thrown in the police truck, then be sober by the time it reached the station.

Oh, ether.

The not-drinking is the better option, you know.

lord nuneaton savage

09:08 / 05.12.07

Bollocks. Go with the shampoo bottles. That way you can get drunk in the shower, which will be nothing if not novel.

Princess

11:59 / 05.12.07

I just realised that when Veng was talking about my upcoming marriage upthread, he probably wasn't talking about my ex at all.

It was probably more to do with the fact that my name is "I will marry Alistair Appleton" for this month.

I am so dense.

Axolotl

12:56 / 05.12.07

Depending on the situation (i.e are you under constant supervision or can you get away for a while) miniature spirit bottles can be your friends and don't forget the potential of a hip-flask and irishing up your coffee. That last one also means you can drink in the daytime and not fall asleep.

For other undercover boozing tips (and general booze related writings) may I recommend Modern Drunkard magazine.

johnny enigma

13:50 / 05.12.07

Well my personal fetish is people disapproving of me, so my approach would be to just get blatantly drunk and laugh at all the disapproveniks that obviously wouldn't be having as much fun as me. Not the kind of answer you were looking for, me thinks..........

Olulabelle

14:41 / 05.12.07

Logic suggests that hiding alcohol in shampoo bottles is not the greatest plan because you're going to look like crazy people drinking out of shampoo bottles if you get caught. Far better to hide it in something you might at least really drink out of, if you must hide it.

But surely the better option would be to say to the disapprovers, "Hello, I understand you don't drink and I don't have a problem with that because you are free to choose how you live your life. As you know, I do drink and I hope you will do me the same courtesy of not having a problem with it." In some semblance of adult type behaviour.

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