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Fiction Overhaul

 
 
zedoktar
21:36 / 29.09.07
Sup Barbeloids.
I wrote this for a small zine that had some very *stringent* setting and plot requirements... and that combined with just coming off a 3 year hiatus screwed me up a fair bit. The story never made print, which I saw coming when I submitted it. I nearly trashed it, but I figured maybe something can be salvaged.
So now I'm offering it up here for anyone who cares to try and make something of it or just plain rape it.
For the sake of brevity I'll post the link to it, from my deviantart.
Who Lurks In Dreams

Do what you will with it. Critique, create, masturbate.
Enjoy!
 
 
Jawsus-son Starship
09:12 / 30.09.07
Umm, the link doesn't work. Could you post it directly to the thread?
 
 
zedoktar
19:57 / 30.09.07
Weird. for some reason Barbelith was trying to reach it on its own server...

Mona smiled. The world was beautiful today, though as alien as ever. Across the plain that Mona stood on, stood a copse of strange trees that looked like a mishmash of every kind of tree, yet swayed sinewy and serpentine under the windless mauve sky.
A figure stood out under the trees, a lost and forlorn looking silhouette as unmoving as stone.
Mona waved and began walking towards the figure, the distance falling away as if she wore seven league boots. The shadow remained statue still.
As Mona approached the shadow faded into a redheaded wisp of a girl in a blue summer dress, staring off into space. She looked to Mona as she approached, seeming to look into her.
“Hi there, sunshine, how are you doing?” Mona asked as she approached.
“Hi? Fine and well.” The girl smiled “How'd you get here?”
“Well, I used a special machine. It lets us share our dreams, sort of.”
“Thats something a dream would say. But you're...”
The girl trailed off, staring past Mona, her face a mask of shock.
“Are you ok?” Mona reached a hand out to her, then jerked back as she dissolved into an erratic tangle of butterflies which swirled with shifting colors, and exploded away in every direction.
Mona turned to see what had scared her, but the plain was empty. She turned back and almost screamed. A dark hulking figure stood amongst the trees, human but with no real form, a shifting mass of shadows. Eyes began to tear open at random in the trees which now seemed to writhe in hideous silent agony and the sky grew dim.
Mona was already running across the plain when her mind caught up to her feet. She looked back to see if the vile specter had followed and stumbled into a fetid pool of viscous green liquid that had suddenly erupted from the plain. As she tried to backpedal out of the rapidly opening pool, it send tendrils shooting out to snare her arms and body, pulling her down with vicious intent. The cloying, almost choking odor of sulfur and rotten fruit filled her nostrils. She fought against the liquid arms, twisting and flailing in vain. The same foul ooze she sunk so easily into was as hard as steel around her limbs. Another tendril grew from the muck and began crawling and sniffing up her body with sinister intelligence, wrapping around her throat and seeking her mouth. She suddenly remembered herself, and screamed.
“Edward! Abor...agghhh!”
The last thing she saw was the mysterious figure standing on the pond watching her and then she folded in on herself and fell through endless convoluting empty space. Reality collapsed back into being and she was on a bed, kicking against heavy restraints and screaming. Hands held her down, and she felt a pinch in her shoulder.
“Mona! Its alright! You're safe!” The voice faded away slowly, as Mona slipped off into silent black limbo.

Mona awoke in a new bed, unrestrained but too drained to move. The room was unfamiliar, yet with that vague sterile familiarity all hospital rooms have. A middle aged doctor was tending to the fat gland-like IV bags which hung over her, tethered by thin tubes to her arms. He turned, and his fatherly features creased into a smile.
“Well, good morning lass. Good to see you awake. How are you feeling?”
“uggh... like shit, Edward.”
“Do you know your name and where you are?”
“Mona Sinclair, St Michaels Asylum, and stop forgetting it!”
“Wonderful! You're coherent, or at least as near as ever.”
She smiled, almost a wince.
“You wanna bring me a doctor? A real one?”
Edward straightened up, looking like an rather offended cat.
“I'll have you know we reserve the right the refuse service to anyone here, miss.”
Mona shut her eyes against the bright fluorescent light.
“Mona?”
“I'm still here Edward.”
“Thats a relief dear girl. You gave us quite a scare.”
Mona sat up and opened her eyes, facing Edward with a puzzled frown.
“What happened? I don't recall much after breakfast.”
“That was four days ago. You were interfacing with Ginger, and things turned nasty. Really nasty. Her so called 'monster' came after you.”
She closed her eyes again, plumbing the darkness behind them for clues.
“I remember getting wired up...but then...” She shuddered, and looked at Edward “God, Edward... I don't think I ever want to remember. It chills me now and I don't even know what 'it' is.”
She shook her head.
“What happened?”
“We don't know for sure. All we get is data, not the subjective, ah, visions, that you experience under the wire. Closest we can say is her mind reacted to you, violently it seems. There was some feedback, too. The interface started to go both ways, but we pulled you out before it connected.”
“What about Ginger?”
Edward shook his head.
“She's virtually catatonic. She fades in and out, but she's pretty shook up.”
“Can I see her?”
“I suppose so... Let me get you some wheels, though.”

Mona had hoped her visit would have some effect on Ginger, but if it had any it was not to be seen. Ginger sat on her bed, staring straight through Mona. On the surface she was placid, but behind her eyes Mona could see unimaginable horror, the raw terror of a scared animal. It was too much for her to handle and she had Edward take her back to her room almost immediately.
“Oh, that poor girl,” she said as the rolled through the empty hallway “Edward, I have to go under again and talk to her.”
She jerked a little as Edward came to a halt.
“Absolutely not. First and foremost, you are off duty until further notice.”
“But...”
“No. Doctors orders. Second, the interface unit has been sent back to research to work out the feedback bug and root out any others we may have missed. The board has shelved it indefinitely.”
“Damn it...” Mona shook her head.
“Now, now, you should be happy. You get to be a guest of the finest mental hospital in the county, maybe even the whole state!”
“Hoorah. My life's ambition, fulfilled.”
“You could do a lot worse than St. Michaels.” Edward said, pushing her down the hall again “ At least here you're among friends.”
“Yea, the doctors are indistinguishable from the patients here anyways.”
“No wonder you fooled us for so long.”
They reached Mona's room, and the conversation died until she was settled in and Edward was leaving.
“I'm going into town, is there anything I can get you?” Edward asked.
“Yea, if you're going into New Bedlam, can you bring me my canvas and paints? Keys under the mat.”
“Certainly. I'll see you this evening.”
“Bye, Edward.”

The trip into the sleepy little town of New Bedlam was not a long one, but Mona found as she waited for Edward to return that time seemed to stand still, and she wondered if he would ever return. She couldn't sleep, despite being fatigued, and the tv in her room only played static and monochromatic lines.
She tried meditating, but her mind kept returning to that nameless horror hiding in the impenetrable fog of her memory. Invisible and silent it lurked, filling her with unspeakable dread. She turned her attention to what she had at hand, and fell to making origami from some blank paperwork Edward had left behind. She was just finishing her tenth crane when something at the door made her start. She looked up to see Ginger's smiling face peeking around the doorway. She waved and Ginger vanished, leaving a giggle in her wake. Suddenly feeling very awake, Mona got to her feet shakily and rushed over to the door, but the girl was gone; the long hall was empty in both directions. Mona began wandering in the direction Ginger had gone in, peeking into the open rooms.
Most of them were empty. The west wing Mona was in was used for general observation and research projects, while the various residents and patients occupied the east wing which ranged from the general population which mingled freely to the isolation rooms and more dangerous patients. There was also a north wing, which had once served as the entire hospital in its prime, but was now just storage and empty rooms.
As Mona was coming out of one of the empty rooms she caught a hint of motion out of the corner of her eye and spun around.
“There you...” She stopped, seeing not Ginger, but a tall shadowy figure, who had his back to her as he departed one of the rooms. He was around a corner and gone before she could blink. There was something vaguely familiar about him that Mona couldn't quite place, something that bothered her. She decided to catch Ginger later, in her room, and went to see who the mystery man had been visiting, hoping they might shed a clue as to who he was.
She knocked on the door, which swung open a little. Feeling adventurous from her game of hide and seek, she pushed it open and stuck her head in.
“Hello?” Mona called out. The curtain was drawn around the bed but she could see blood on the floor beneath it.
“Are you ok”? She asked, stepping into the room.
She got no answer, prompting her to pull back the curtain. Mona screamed, turned to run, and slipped in the blood which was pooling around the bed rapidly. She struggled to her feet, holding onto the blood drenched bed, then turned and vomited violently, an empty dry heave which threatened to pull her stomach out.
On the bed was the body of an elderly woman, contorted and gushing blood from the stump where her head once was. The head hung from the IV stand, torn muscles and arteries hanging like tassels. One eye was impaled on a hook and leaking a cloudy fluid, the other staring blindly at Mona. Mona ran screaming from the room, straight into the arms of the duty nurse, knocking his glasses off and nearly bowling him over.
“Damn it! Whats wrong?” He demanded, picking up his glasses. “Dr. Sinclair? Oh my god, you're bleeding!”
“Its not mine!not mine! He killed her!” Mona sobbed “he butchered her!”
“What? Who?”
“There!” Mona pointed and slumped to the floor, as the astonished nurse bolted into the room.

Mona didn't leave her room again for several days. She alternated between pacing and sitting in her bed, unable to sleep, watching the parade of police officers, doctors and random people in the hallway, silently screaming. On the third day she finally stirred. She was still curious about Gingers visit, and decided to go see her. Edward swore up and down that the little girl was still catatonic and could not have possibly been out in the hall, but Mona knew what she had seen and ignored him.
She found Ginger sitting in her bed, nearly the same as she had been during her last visit. Mona leaned her head around the door, smiling.
“Hey, there. How're you doing, kiddo?”
Ginger didn't so much as blink. Mona was thought she looked like a wax statue, a decoy set out so the real Ginger could scamper off and not be missed. Feeling disappointed, she moved to sit beside the girl. As she entered the room, Ginger's eyes suddenly focused on her. The girl let out a piercing scream and jumped away into a corner, huddling into a ball and staring past Mona. Mona spun caught a glimpse of a familiar sinister shape slipping into the room across the hall. Mona panicked, stumbling backwards and slamming the door. She ran to the bed, fumbled with the nurse call button, hitting it several times just to make sure it was heard. She then ran over to Ginger, who exploded into a frantic crawl away from her, screaming.
“Ginger, its me, hon.” Mona reached a hand towards her, but she shrunk away into a corner and curled up into a shuddering ball again, her eyes glazed with fear.
The door burst open and Mona whirled around. She tensed, ready to attack the intruder, when a familiar face appeared.
“Edward! Oh thank god!” She babbled “He's here again! The guy I saw!”
“What? Who?”
“The killer! The same one from the...damn it! He's across the hall Edward! I just saw him go in!”
“Woah, woah. Slow down. The guy you saw in old Mrs. Chetwins room?”
“Yes, Edward. Do something damn it!”
“Ok, stay put. I'll lock the door, ok? You two just sit tight while I get help”
Mona nodded and flopped into a chair. Edward left without another word, sealing them in. Mona could hear shouts in the hallway, and running feet. After what seemed like an eternity, a key suddenly rattled in the lock, making her jump. The door swung open, and Edward stepped in, looking a little older than when he had left.
“What happened? Is he gone? Did they get him?” Mona was on her feet before Edward was even all the way in the room.
“No. There was no one in there. Not any among the living, anyways.”
“Oh god. Not again.”
“Yeah. Again.” Edward hung his head “One of our nurses, and her, ah, boyfriend, I suppose. Looks like they took a little, ah, break, and someone surprised them.”
“What? How?”
“Anyone ever tell you you're morbid?” Edward leaned close to her ear and spoke in hushed tones “Impaled both of them with a broken off mop hand. Pinned them right to the bed.”
Mona, suddenly possessed by curiosity, stepped past him into the hall, craning to see into the room. Edward tried to grab her arm, but she shook him off and inched closer. Through the crowd of staff and police she could see that they had been mid-coitus. He was still between her legs, the mop handle pinning them in the middle of their torsos. Blood oozed out from under and between their bodies, and ran down onto the floor. Mona shuddered and turned away.
“Edward, I can't stay here anymore. You have to take me into New Bedlam.”
“My thoughts exactly. I'll have you transferred...” He began.
“No, I want to go home.”
“I don't know that you're well enough yet. As your friend, and as a doctor, I think you should give it a few days.”
“I'm fine. Nothing a sleeping pill won't help,” she said, and then seeing his worried look, continued “I'll even check in with a doctor there every few days, ok? But I'm not sleeping in another hospital bed.”
Edward knew when he was beat, and conceded.
“Fine. I'll take you in. Expect a phone call every day though. I'm still not totally convinced you should be on the street just yet.”
Mona smiled. Edward tended to worry a little too much but she knew he considered himself deeply in her debt. She had helped him beat a battle with alcohol he had spent decades losing, and he had never forgotten and never stopped showing his gratitude.
“Thanks Edward. I really appreciate it.”

The drive to New Bedlam was brief and uneventful. Mona didn't actually need a driver to take her; Modern cars drove themselves, and while Edwards car looked like an antique from long before cars went all electric, even before the first aerocars, it had modern parts and a computer brain on the inside. Mona was just glad to have the company, conversation being something cars were not yet designed for.
Main Street was empty, save for the elderly proprietor of the antique shop they passed they passed closing his shop as they turned onto Quest. It was near dinner time, and the whole town was essentially shut down for the day. Mona's apartment was only a few blocks from Main Street, in a newer building which seemed a little out of place in the old decaying town. Edward insisted on carrying all of Mona's things up the two flights of stairs, out of a sense of gentlemanly behavior that Mona found annoying. Once she had settled in and convinced Edward she wouldn't forget to see Dr. Monroe the next day, he departed, leaving her with her thoughts. She realized she was hungry, but found her cupboards lacking. It occurred to her that she had been planning to get groceries the day of her last disastrous interface, one week before. It was only just after six, giving her just enough time to make it to the grocers on Main Street if she hurried.
She was happy for an excuse to get some fresh air and stretch her legs, and was in good spirits when she left the apartment, right up until she passed the old woman who lived next door, and her little poodle, Frou Frou. The moment it saw her the little dog, normally harmless and yappy, went berserk, growling and yelping and snarling, trying with all its might to hurl itself at her and tear her to shreds. It nearly pulled the little old lady holding the leash off her feet with its miniature fury. Mona gave the creature wide berth, passing as quickly as she could. The old lady just glared at her, not even trying to quiet the dog.
Mona continued up Quest, her footsteps echoing in the empty streets. As she neared Main Street she noticed an extra set of feet just barely audible behind her. She shrugged it off as just a New Bedlam resident, but picked up the pace just the same. Very quickly she realized the footsteps behind her had also sped up, keeping pace with her. She glanced over her shoulder quickly, and glimpsed a face she didn't recognize. She nonetheless knew the figure the moment she saw him. It had been burned into her mind in the hospital.
Mona broke into a run, not daring to look back as she tore up the street. She could see the police station just across Main, lights glowing in the dimming evening light. She raced across the street without so much as a sidewards glance, up the stone steps, coming to a stop in front of the young policeman who was just leaving the building.
“Whoa, there. Slow down. You look like you got the devil on your tail.”
“He's after me” Mona gasped, struggling to catch her breath.
“Who?”
“That guy...” Mona trailed off as she turned around to point at the empty street.
“He was right behind me!”
“I didn't see anyone but you, miss.” He scratched his head. “I'll tell you what though, how about I give you a lift home?”
Mona silently let the cop escort her to his squad car, which sat charging at a power pylon. When she arrived home the apartment AI cheerfully greeted her with a report of a missed call. It turned out to be Edward.
“Hi, I guess you're sleeping. I just got some news; apparently the feed did fully reverse. She possibly got into you, Mona. We're not sure what this means yet. Give us a ring ASAP, ok?”
Mona decided to wait on the phone call. She had an appointment with Dr. Monroe at New Bedlam District Hospital in the morning and wanted no more of doctors until then.

The rest of her evening was spent painting, hiding behind locked doors in her apartment. She had begun a new piece in the hospital, which seemed weird enough then. Sitting in her studio now, with her normal colorful cheery work hanging on the walls, the bizarre scene taking form seemed so utterly out place anyone walking in would have hardly believed it was from the same artist.
Words fall short trying to describe it. It was a surreal horror, a haze of semi-human faces, twisted bestial forms and strange, chilling shapes that suggested some deep hidden horror, the product of no sane mind. Mona seemed unbothered by it, and worked all through the night, tirelessly. She finally stopped around nine to make coffee, and noticed the time on the coffee machine.
“Shit!” She swore aloud. No time for coffee, she thought, hurriedly grabbing her jacket and heading for the door. She was due at the hospital to see Dr. Monroe in twenty minutes, and she knew she'd never hear the end of it if she was late. The morning was cool and crisp, the first hints of autumn drifting in. The old lady was out again, but in place of a dog she had posters. She stopped Mona as she passed.
“Excuse me, miss. Have you seen Frou Frou? He got loose and hasn't come home.”
Mona resisted the urge to be rude.
“No, I'm sorry. I hope he turns up.”
“Thank you. I'm sure he will.”

The hospital, which sits on the corner of Johns and Main, looks like most buildings in New Bedlam, old and starting to decay. On the inside is a different story. Its fairly up to date and mostly maintained, and the staff, while few, are friendly enough. Mona arrived with time to spare, and took her time walking through the quiet halls. She was just about to Dr. Monroe's office when a familiar face came bobbing out of the waiting room and down a side hall. Ginger! Mona forgot all about her appointment and began following the girl. She turned into the hall and saw Ginger on the stairs at the end.
“Hey! I didn't know they sent you here!” Mona called out.
Ginger turned, and smiled. She waved, and then scampered up the stairs. Mona hurried after, taking the stairs two at a time. When she reached the top, Ginger was already at the end of the hall again. She turned and waved again, then turned a corner and was gone. Mona started to run, then saw a nurse, and slowed to a fast walk. When she reached the spot where Ginger had been, she saw nothing but empty hallway in both directions. She turned to leave, and froze in shock. The hall she had been in was gone. She now stood in the door of an empty room. Mona stepped back, and looked around, confused. She put a hand on the door. It was real! She chose a direction at random, and began walking, reasoning that any hallway will eventually lead to stairs, or an elevator, or best of all someone who know the layout.
She spent several hours wandering empty hallways, feeling like a rat in a maze. Every corner she turned led to another empty hallway, and after a while she began to feel she had wandered for miles, all around the city in some weird hidden labyrinth. The floor plan made no sense to her; it seemed to defy physics and she swore it kept changing behind her. When she finally found a flight of stairs she was nearly in tears. She followed them down to reception, and was greeted by a nurse.
“You can't be here miss, unless its an emergency.”
“What? But why?”
“I'm not allowed to say.”
Mona fished in her purse for her St. Michaels badge, and held it up triumphantly.
“Look, I'm a doctor. Does that help?”
“I, uh don't know. Look, someone got killed, and the police have locked the place down. Now, you aren't a doctor here, so you have to leave”
The nurse shooed her out into the street without another word. As Mona began walking, a chill ran up her back, not of autumn cold but of eyes on her back. Mona glanced around, saw nothing, and began walking faster. The feeling grew, until she swore she could feel breath on her neck. She spun around, ready to fight. She paused, glancing around, and saw someone leaning on a wall a block away. Instantly she recognized the mystery man from the hospital. His face was utterly nondescript and forgettable, yet Mona knew she would never forget it. Fear gripped her, clenching in her gut, driving her on as she ran all the way to her building, vaulting up the stairs and fumbling at the locks on her door. Once inside she double checked the locks, and then, shaking, she went to dig out the old service revolver she kept in her bedroom closet. She had never used it in all the years since her father had given it to her, and she wasn't even sure if it still worked. She found it in a shoe box under a blanket, still loaded. It was heavy and cold in her hand, and grimly reassuring.
She decided to see if he was on the street. She went to the living room window, and opened the curtain. Blood streaked the glass. All she could see was Frou Frou, all over the tiny balcony. Someone had torn the little dogs guts out, hanging the corpse spread-eagle on the plastic chair she kept out there and spreading the entrails everywhere, even while they still partially hung from the gaping hole in the dog. Mona hauled on the curtain, trying to close it, with such force the curtain rod pulled free from its supports and crashed down on top of her. She frantically threw it off, and as she did a loud knock resounded on the door. Mona dove onto the couch, which faced away from the door, clutching the gun with both hands. Another knock sounded, then the doorknob rattled. She heard a key click in the lock, and the door stopping short as the chain snapped tight.
“Mona! I know you're in there!” The voice was familiar, but she couldn't place it. She heard a solid thump on the door, and a splintering crack as the chain lock tore free from the wood. She sat straight up, firing into the door until the gun went click. Click. Click. She stopped, nearly sobbing. Slowly she stood up, surveying the damage.
The door was wide open. Lying in the doorway was Edward, blood gushing from multiple points on his body, and face. A long pool of blood ran from his head towards a thick chunk of gore and brain matter on the hallway carpet.
“Edward! Oh my god! No! Edward!” She shrieked. “Don't be dead! You can't be dead!”
“But he is. You did a hell of a job.” The voice was like stone, a voice not entirely human.
Mona turned to the speaker, froze in horror. The man from the hospital stood in the apartment, smiling like a jackal. He began to circle around the couch and Mona.
“You bastard! You, you set me up! You killed all those people!” Mona's voice was almost a whisper.
“Not quite. We did it, silly girl!” The figure suddenly shrunk into Ginger “You and me!”
“What the fuck are you?”
Ginger morphed back into the mystery man, stopping in front of the window.
“Nothing you didn't do to yourself.” The figure leered “I'm gonna have fun with you. Way more than that stupid little girl.”
“You bastard!” Mona growled. She dove at him with all of her strength, went straight through him, through the window, and over the balcony, to land with a bone shattering crunch next to her elderly neighbor, who was trying to give a poster to a police officer.

“Its such a sad case” The doctor remarked “She was one of our best. Now she's not much more than a vegetable.”
He adjusted the headgear on Mona's bald head, and turned back to his companion, who wore an identical piece.
“Do you really think she'll be able to tell us what happened? How can we be sure she's still in there?” he asked.
The doctor checked the restraints on both subjects, then turned to the elaborate computer the headgear was connected to.
“Of course she is. Besides, this technology is foolproof, thanks in part to her. Now, just relax, this might feel a little strange.”
Mona wished she could say something, dance around the room howling, about what fools they were. Instead she just lay in her paralyzed body, watching a familiar stranger standing over them. They would know soon enough, she thought. God would they know!
 
  
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