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Blessed Diana Rises Again.

21:56 / 26.08.07

Greetings from beyone the veil.
I am sorry for my sins.
I will be here for a lunar month.
Then I must return to hell.

This thread to be your spirit glass.
I will answer what you ask.

22:27 / 26.08.07

Why did you have to wear that dumb wig and change your name when you appeared in X-Statix?

22:44 / 26.08.07

My cultus, they love an image that pleases them.
They saw an affront to their image.
They lifted their voice against it.

But I am not that image.
We are all made a little lower than the angels.
I have falled further.

My face is a mirror for demons who dress in white.
Fear righteousness on Earth.
Outside of heaven it can only be vainglory.

Glenn Close But No Cigar

23:21 / 26.08.07

Welcome to Barbelith, Queen of Hearts!. Have you read the FAQs on the Wiki yet? By the by, it's customary to introduce yourself in one of the designated introduction threads but, seeing as you're clearly such a class act, I'm sure we'll all agree you deserve an intro thread of your own. Being from beyond the veil, you might be a useful contributor to the Temple. Then again, I read in Andrew Morton's book that you are something of Chaos Magickian, so perhaps you'd better stear clear!

Anyhow, here are a few questions:

1) Prince Philip - shape-shifting lizard, or silly old racist?
2) Bryan Adams was, for a time, alleged your lover. Was it a case of 'Waking Up the Neighbours' (which, you living in Kensington Palace, would have meant Princess Margaret), or more 'The Summer of '69'?
3) Harry's paternity. Don't worry, M'am, you can tell is - you're among friends here...
4) As no stranger to a good manservant, I'd like your opinion on the Battle of the Butlers. Do you favour Jarvis from the Avengers, or Bruce Wayne's Gentleman's Gentleman Alfred?
5) In The Invisibles (have you read it? It's rather good, although it's not really considered chic to mention that around here these days!), Grant Morrison writes that your 'firstborn was to have been the moon-child, the incarnate shadow-king of a new England, the terrible messiah of the dark millenium'. Do you think William's gap year volunteer work with Raleigh Internatonial left him adequately prepared for this role?

23:35 / 26.08.07

Men.
Just men.
And it is just sex.

Does it matter who fathered my child?
You ask because you want to know who I belonged too.
I am mine. Unescapably, damnably mine.

I miss his scent, and ache for his small voice.
He was not his Father.

There are no books in hell.
No words, just cacophany.

15:37 / 27.08.07

Hi Di,

My mum bought me a special memorial Charles and Diana mug when you got hitched so that I could flog it when I was 90 and get rich. How much do you want for it?

Yours, etc.

16:30 / 27.08.07

I found your head in the backseat of my friend's car. Was that a sign, Oh-Diana-from-beyond-the-grave?

23:38 / 27.08.07

Wise fwom your gwave!

Dear Di, having come back from the dead are you now going to go on a rampage of violent revenge? Possibly with a katana? While on a motorcycle? Fighting the motorcycling papparazzos who assisted in your pulling over?

And would you be willing to give up the movie rights?

Oh, and this is for my friends at Heat, if you had married Dodi (how is the chap btw?) would you have preferred your celebrity portmanteau being Dodi or Dido?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:43 / 28.08.07

I know it was not your fault, but do you have ANY FUCKING IDEA how absolutely mental you made this country go for a while? Seriously, Di, it was scary. Previously rational people threatening to kick yer head in for saying anything even vaguely non-worshipful about your good self? Jesus, I got threatened with the sack, ferfucksakes, just for making Di jokes.

Rod Hull only made the front pages for two, maybe three days. Do you not see the inequality here? Don't you feel REALLY FUCKING GUILTY about that?

Rod Hull, ferfucksakes.

Rod fucking Hull.

Emu is still crying.

01:07 / 28.08.07

Di, dear Di,

You were the apple of the nation's eye
And it did make me sigh
When such gods as there be, up in the sky
Decreed, in their wisdom, you should get in that car
And as for the reasons, who knows what they are?
Simply, perhaps, that you'd been in the bar
At the hotel reception, not doing your duty
To the English crown, you crazy Sloane beauty?
Or giving that guy a blow job, or 'footie'?

While your Special Branch driver was extremely distract
Observing the action going on in the back
He could have just taken you home to your flat
At a reasonable speed, you and Dodi
But by all that's holy
I guess he was simply an MI6 mole, he ...

Whatever, it was ten years ago.

It's arguably time you got over it, now.

Presumably, there are all kinds of charities in heaven a person like your good self could be getting on with, until Bob Geldof finally makes his way upstairs.

In the meantime, you could organise a rugby match! That Giles de Rais, though he's a little mysterious, could make a good fly-half, if he was properly motivated to get out of bed in the morning. Richard the Lionheart would, of course, be captain of the team. Torquemada on the left wing and ... well it would be your team, Princess Di.

There'd be nothing to worry about.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

01:09 / 28.08.07

EMU.

CRYING.

01:56 / 28.08.07

Unless you know for certain that the facts of his departure from this vale of tears were otherwise, Mr S, I find the idea that Emu wasn't 'looked after' in Hull's last will and testament totally unconscionable.

10:20 / 28.08.07

I have a thousand cups with that mans name on them,
but no water.
Here is only unquenchable thirst.
I do not need your tat.

If you have found my head then burn it and bury it.
Take it from me.
Hell is an eternity of narcissism.
I will not be saved, but I do not object to being destroyed.

I am taking justice to those responsible.
Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell

I am not in Heaven.
Princesses do not play Rugby.

I am sorry to have taken so much love to myself.
I was arrogant in my death.

14:49 / 28.08.07

Your Late Highness,

Is Hell truly divided into regions?

Who is near you?

Is there beauty in the infernal regions?

- gb

19:25 / 28.08.07

Hell is small.
I found myself in a composite building, made up of a few places in my life.
I walked from room to room, from memory to memory.
I got to hold my children again.
I fell in love with Charles again.
I relived the half hour I spent lost and terrified as a child.

But over time, not that such a thing really exists in that place, I started to stay with just a few memories.
My father soothing me after a nightmare.
Standing at the top of a cliff, deciding whether or not to jump.
Leaning over a toilet bowl, wondering what harm the purging would cause to the baby I didn't want.

I do not think I realised I was dead then.
But I had a sense of wrongness.
I was troubled by violent dreams.
Each character in the puppet show was lying to me.
I knew it.

So I jumped.
And I woke up in my Father's bed, and he was comforting me.
And then I ran back to the cliff, and I jumped.
And I woke up in my Father's bed and he was comforting me.

I began to notice that the proportions of my arms where wrong.
I was too thin.
Everyone spoke in my voice.
They said only what I thought they would say.

Hell is as small as my head.
Hell is as small as my head.
Hell is as small as my head.

It's regions are simple.
Bedroom, clifftop, toilet.
The only beauty is the beauty of the fall and of the purge.
My father is a liar.
I am alone here.
Hell is as small as my head.

12:09 / 29.08.07

Dear Diana,

Has Elton John tried to contact you? What did you two talk about?

Thanks in advance,
monk

03:03 / 30.08.07

Oh you... you... she's in *Heaven*. Ignore them Di. And I don't believe in Heaven but i think maybe Jesus gave her his spare key or something.

I always wondered, you made these videos in which you asked "What do you do when your husband is in an inappropriate relationship with his manservant?", but you forgot to explain the subtext.

What was it?

16:09 / 30.08.07

Dear D,
I hear so much about you on tv. Far too much, actually. Would you be terribly offended if I chased after you with a vacuum, sucked up your spirit and shoved it into the freezer. I will then take the frozen spirit block out and cut it with a scroll-saw. The pieces I intend to sell on ebay. Or mayb first stick them in snow globes. Then sell those on Ebay.