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Horrorscopes

 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
09:22 / 13.07.07
Virgo - A powerful link between the Sun, which is now travelling through the area of your skies that rules your friendships, and Uranus, the planet of the unexpected, could bring changes in a close alliance that you could not have foreseen. After all, when you drove that car with Ray, Helen, and Barry and hit that guy, you thought you got away with it, but a letter in the mail will bring unwelcome news. Look out for a man with a hook for a hand.

Your lucky number is 3.


Blimey! Anyone else?
 
 
Katherine
09:39 / 13.07.07
I dread to think what Leo would be.....
 
 
Triplets
09:59 / 13.07.07
Salt should not be spilled. Unless, that is, you are throwing it over your left shoulder. Not your right - that's bad luck. And if you happen to be left-handed? You have to throw it whilst looking the mirror. But don't crack it with the salt pot. That will bring seven years of strife. On days like this we can easily get sucked into the quicksand of superstition. If it happens to you, here's a lifeline: Venus is in Leo. Unfortunately, your psychotic, unkillable half-brother is in town.
 
 
Triplets
10:07 / 13.07.07
Sagittarius - 21 Nov - 21 Dec

Fortune is on your side and everything seems to be going your way. Tuesday will see dealings with business. Jupiter in Sagittarius will prove beneficial when you wake up in a bathtub with no kidneys. In hindsight.
 
 
Mistoffelees
10:13 / 13.07.07
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
 
 
Evil Scientist
10:28 / 13.07.07
Aquarius:- As the planets shift and Mars moves into a new relationship with Saturn so will you find that you are moving into a new relationship. Be forthright and sassy and you will get what you want. But enjoy it while it lasts, that strange sensation in your gut is a demonic parasite gnawing its way into this world to hunt and kill all you hold dear.
 
 
Katherine
10:30 / 13.07.07
Salt should not be spilled. Unless, that is, you are throwing it over your left shoulder. Not your right - that's bad luck. And if you happen to be left-handed? You have to throw it whilst looking the mirror. But don't crack it with the salt pot. That will bring seven years of strife. On days like this we can easily get sucked into the quicksand of superstition. If it happens to you, here's a lifeline: Venus is in Leo. Unfortunately, your psychotic, unkillable half-brother is in town.

Phew... And I thought it would be bad.
 
 
Mug Chum
10:32 / 13.07.07
"Aquarius: you will break and the fish will die.

Fucker."


(I think I'll put that horrorscope in a post-it on the cover of Seaguy...)
 
 
Janean Patience
10:57 / 13.07.07
Cancer:- Cancer.
 
 
Triplets
12:03 / 13.07.07
Pisces, Friday 13th: Your panicked swings will fail to stun the honey badger.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
12:47 / 13.07.07
Leo: While working as a counsellor at an isolated summer camp you will find strange events happening during a storm. Your intuition should be working overtime this week, so trust your judgement and draw your own conclusions about another’s intentions, especially mothers who are proficient in hand-to-hand combat. If you are prepared to give ground, you can turn a tricky situation to your advantage. Your unlucky number is 13.

A new friendship could preoccupy you later in the week, when romantic Venus links to passionate Pluto, the planet that rules hidden feelings.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
12:57 / 13.07.07
Aquarius: If you take a subtle, roundabout approach, you should find out something that you need to know, and that could make you feel more confident about the future, so set the scene and draw somebody out. You can also make real progress with a film project. Discuss the finer details of your plan with close colleagues, whose advice could transform your chances of success. However, now is not the time to set out, especially if woods are involved. You may have an unwise belief in your sense of direction, or your ability to withstand shocks. Avoid standing facing the wall in old buildings.

Your favourite U.S. President is Grover Cleveland, but only in his second term. The fucker.
 
 
Janean Patience
13:04 / 13.07.07
Your panicked swings will fail to stun the honey badger.

As a Pisces who's been singing Honey Badger all day this terrifies me.
 
 
h1ppychick
13:46 / 13.07.07
As an Aquarian, I feel unfairly put-upon.
 
 
Evil Scientist
17:31 / 14.07.07
I'm Aquarius too (and also Dragon, Death, and the Trade of Silver and Amber).

Taurus: The massive changes in the heavens will be reflected by changes in your social life. You will meet a new romantic interest. The phrase; "Destroy their brains or remove their heads!" will have special relevance on your next trip to the mall.
 
 
jentacular dreams
18:44 / 14.07.07
That is unbelievably accurate....
 
 
astrojax69
03:30 / 15.07.07
gemini nothing will happen, probably twice. don't buy yellow or white things. steal them.
 
 
Saint Keggers
03:42 / 15.07.07
Wow. That was spot on. except for the yellow and white things. There were non of those.
 
 
Mug Chum
06:44 / 15.07.07
I'm an aquarius too. Just didn't want to take the thread away from the "13 posts".
 
  
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