I feel like I could smash my life into a thousand little peices. I want to lose myself in bottles of vodka or blankets of smoke. I feel like the world is spinning too fast, the never ceasing merry-go-round that just makes me sick to my stomach and isnt so merry-anymore.
Too much war, too many angry people, too much happenning everyday that we, that I, just want to forget. and something strange is happening, a personal fear is materilizing and I have become numb.
I dont dream like I used to. I dont wonder what more could there be for me. I have stopped teasing myself with the beautiful tommorow. This is it. Boohoo right. Dry your eyes, because its a tough world we live in, right?
Well I dont really want to live in such a tough world. I am tired of fighting, of praying for peace of hoping. I am not an artist, I am not particularly talented or special and I am not looking for anyone to say that I am. These words are sick and sad. I am sick and sad. Back here at the Barb, havent visited for months, and here I am. Dribbling my shit on your carpet, without the dignity or the strength to hit delete on all this bullshit.
Thanks guys. Somehow you reading this makes me feel better. Somehow. |
