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Double Entendres

10:42 / 16.05.07

This morning as I got into the abysmally slow lift at work, two of my female workmates were in it having come down a floor (we need to go up to the 7th). As I got in, one of them said in all seriousness "Oh, it's you Quantum, we don't mind going down for an extra few minutes for *you*". And lo! this thread was born. Let your giggling immature side run free!

(if in doubt see double entendres and Finbarr Saunders. Pedants please note "double entendre" is in fact incorrect for "double entente", which in French translates to "a double or equivocal meaning; a play on words".)

Mysterious Transfer Student

10:55 / 16.05.07

I think this is a wholly inappropriate idea for a thread.

If I'm editing a piece of text and happen to find a double entendre, I always whip it out straight away.

11:01 / 16.05.07

Inappropriate? Why?

Ex

11:07 / 16.05.07

Transfer, Quantum's an upstanding member of the board and I refuse to hold this against him.

Ex

11:09 / 16.05.07

(Is this also a plausible place to register my amazement that the UK Eurovision entry involved a pun about 'salty nuts'? i know English is the lingua Franca, but I feel that overstretched nadsack puns maybe need a less international audience to be appreciated.)

11:13 / 16.05.07

I don't care about any of Barbelith's upstanding members but if all this keeps this up someone's sure to come to a sticky end.

(*groan*)

11:31 / 16.05.07

Hmm, what an interesting thread to come across.

All Acting Regiment

11:37 / 16.05.07

...he ejaculated.

Mysterious Transfer Student

11:54 / 16.05.07

Quantum, it was merely a lead in to my contribution. Sorry if I caused any confusion there.

11:55 / 16.05.07

Well, I'm spent without even getting one off, but if anyone else has a hot one they might as well lay it on us, here or elsewhere. That's right, no sense in coming off uncomfortable and stiff, just wrestle it to good strong form and stick it in wherever it fits.

11:56 / 16.05.07

What would be the thrust of this intercourse, Quantum?

12:04 / 16.05.07

I need to go get Rayvern. His innuendo skillz are second to none.

He'll milk this until I can't stand it anymore.

Janean Patience

12:12 / 16.05.07

I'm not sure about some of the posts on this thread.

To my mind they're wantonly elongating it with no prospect of any eventual climax.

Dark side of the Moonfrog1

12:17 / 16.05.07

*Desperatley wills someone to double post so he can make a 'lovely pair' joke.*

12:17 / 16.05.07

What would be the thrust of this intercourse, Quantum?

Stimulation, naturally.
It's bad actually, once you get in the mindset *everything* sounds dirty- looking at my desk alone I have a coffeepot with instructions that read Hot fluids must be handled with care. Always stir before pressing down and some cream fingers. Fnarr!
And then I had to phone a Mr T. Cox.

Ex

12:31 / 16.05.07

Whenever people ask me how to insert their electronic photocopying card, I get to say: 'Strip downwards!'

Small joys.

Glenn Close But No Cigar

12:40 / 16.05.07

Now, I don't want to come over all Haus here...

Oh god...

12:45 / 16.05.07

I'll have to come up with a big one before I insert myself.

12:47 / 16.05.07

And then I had to phone a Mr T. Cox.

Giving him a little lip service?

Glenn Close But No Cigar

12:52 / 16.05.07

I'll have to come up with a big one before I insert myself.

I'm sure you won't have any problems pulling it off...

12:52 / 16.05.07

Kill me if I tell a lie, I just got off the phone with a Mr John Thomas.

Mysterious Transfer Student

13:28 / 16.05.07

I once had to collect a new debit card from my bank and was served by a teller named Ken Cobbledick. God help him the next time he Googles his own name and finds this thread.

Amusing name anecdotes in another thread maybe? Although it'd probably turn out like one of those Fry & Laurie "We've had lots of letters" sketches.

"'I went to school with a boy named Donald Duck'... thanks for that to Mr Peter Cummin-Myear of Kings Lynn."

(90% of that from memory, naturally.)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:05 / 16.05.07

I used to work for a bloke called Mike Hunt.

20:41 / 16.05.07

Sadly, the editor of the BEANO is no longer Euan Kerr, a sad loss to lovers of double entrdres everywhere.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:56 / 16.05.07

Seriously, if the people at the next desk in my office don't stop talking about their routers, I'm actually going to explode with mirth. I blame this thread.

02:27 / 17.05.07

I used to work for a bloke called Mike Hunt.

Drummer for the Breeders?

Kiltartan Cross

07:15 / 17.05.07

The tone of this thread is rapidly going down.

Jack The Bodiless

10:31 / 17.05.07

I used to work with a bloke called Mike Hunt, too. And had a mate called Wayne Cass (he changed it to Chris Cass, thereby still ensuring mockery from people able to recall the hip hop toddlers who wore their trousers round the wrong way).

18:50 / 18.05.07

I hope I'm not offending anyone and I apologise for the non-PC-ness of the following (I just can't help myself):

Black woman to her husband in latest Lost episode: "You're gonna be hiding in the bushes, let's get you into something dark."

What a great send-off.

Sorry.

05:46 / 21.05.07

Just pokin' my head in here... Why aren't more people comin'?

Pyewacket The Elder

10:26 / 22.05.07

Well I see that you are gathering here presenting your wares to each other - that takes a lot of spunk y'all. Well allow me to open up to you and squeeze out a triplet of dainty morsels for your delectation

1)An ex of mine found a customer on her works database called 'Major A. S. Hole'

2) At my old work place we used to waste mucho-time by searching for customers with amusing names and the best by far was....and this still makes my eye weep...

Mustapha Anus!

3) the Futurama episode where the professor chap makes a 'smell-o-scope' that can smell planets...and Fry makes a Joke about 'smelling Uranus'...and the Prof says they had to change that planets name to stop all the silly jokes about 'Your Anus' so eventually they settled on....'URECTUM'!!!! BWAHahhahHAHhahAHHahhA hAHA bhaha

Ahem...guess you gotta be there..

Hey if this post is deemed inappropriate, and anyone is doing their nut over me, then I am totally happy for the moderators to pull me off as quickly as possible.

P.s. 'Backstreet Boys' heh heh heh