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Eazy,
In my opinon a lot of it comes down to there not being many or easily accessible paradigms for how to handle having a mental illness. I see it this way - onset of bipolar can be seen as a sudden shift in your mind. One that brings about unfortunate "side effects" because of its volatile nature. The medication can control the bad side effects in some people, and I'm glad that they've worked for you.
But yes, you probably do feel different from how you were before - there's no way to "cure" that, at the moment. And I don't mean to insult you, of course. When there is a mental "event" like onset of bipolar, many sufferers do not recognise it as an illness, but simply as a change in what they are, and the idea of "curing" that is insulting.
There are many ways to see it, and probably while you're well some form of therapy might help you deal with the trauma of having been so ill. The very best of luck to you, anyway!
I recommend that you read up, educate yourself about your disorder. Neurotransmitters are the traditional hypothesis, because that was what the drugs were known to affect, but new effects of these drugs are being found. I'm not a believer in mind-body duality - I think it's all biology. (not to say that treatment has to be only medication!) My advice: be skeptical of the popular press, and if you need help understanding anything, either us, or some other serious message board, or your psychiatrist can probably help you understand.
That said, you will never know as much as a psychiatrist without actually training as one. The slightly patronising way that psychiatrists treat patients is unfortunate, but it was developed (I think) in order to explain in simple terms why medication should be taken, to a patient who may not be thinking very rationally. It's shit, but there's a catch 22 in the nature of the disorder, in that it's often not until they're well, that a patient sees the need for some sort of treatment.
Therefore many people, once recovered, harbour a (justifiable) grudge against the psychiatrists, against the system, against the idea of the drugs. It's not paranoia and not part of the illness, it's a normal human reaction.
Of course there's no reason for the docs to keep up a patronising tone with someone who is well, but they're only human! Having worked with psychiatrists, some of them seem to develop quirks or patterns of speech that probably help them deal with their work, which is more stressful than you'd assume. Personally, I'd hate their job...
I'll stop before I reach page 2 and I again wish you all the best. |
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