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Please sir, may I have some corn dogs?

MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

22:26 / 16.04.07

Yes, Dickens World. The proud side of such unparalleled attractions as the Ebenezer Scrooge Haunted House, "one of Europe's longest dark boat rides," and Fagin's Den.

But seriously, England. Dickens World. What the hell?

The Ghost of Tom Winter

23:13 / 16.04.07

I can't wait for the 4D high definition show. Now you can see what it's like to be Little Timmy in the snoooow!

Sibelian 2.0

05:19 / 17.04.07

What a peculiar idea.

Well if we can have Dickens, why not Tolkien? (*Is* there a Tolkien theme park?)

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

05:21 / 17.04.07

I'm holding out for Hieronymous-Bosch-Land or the Isle of Arthur Rimbaud.

08:44 / 17.04.07

I want to work there, very much. I can't decide which is my best feature: my hideous poor-but-honest mockney, cleavage and cheery acceptance of spousal violence, or my be-cobwebbed nuptual rags and icy upper-class misanthropy. Decisions, decisions.

Whisky Priestess

10:15 / 17.04.07

Ex - you've got a mockney cleavage?

*jealousy*

Now you can see what it's like to be Little Timmy in the snoooow!

Do you mean Tiny Tim?

I think this is a great idea and I'm going to apply to live there permanently. I hear they're building council slums for keyworkers. Come on, who's with me?

10:22 / 17.04.07

I'm with you! As are the 20 grimy folk who will be sharing your room.

My cleavage is as warm and authentic as my accent.

(I'm seriously going to look at the Education Officer post, but if I get to interview I'd just blow it by singing 'Who Will Buy (this out-of-work lit. grad.)' and pirouetting.

Lea-side

10:37 / 17.04.07

Corn-dogs? in Chatham? are you bleedin' jokin'?

trouble at bill

16:05 / 17.04.07

I think this is utterly joyous! I'd come along too, if I didn't feel that my life is already quite Dickensian enough.

Glenn Close But No Cigar

16:58 / 17.04.07

Martin Amis Wolrd?

Populated, of course, by unconvincing working class grotesques, racist caricatures, and women who demand that you kill 'em because it's what they all want. Oh, and a massive statue of Christopher Hitchens dressed as Stalin.

Park security to be provided by the PC Police.

Whisky Priestess

12:16 / 18.04.07

Do you know what, that's a fuckin' brilliant idea? I hope there's a Will Self North London section! And a Julian Barnes Weekend in Paris theme ride!

You would have to enter through a massive set of £500,000 teeth and there would be height restrictions on all the rides so that anyone over 5'6" couldn't go on them. And it would open in 2012 as a cultural rival for (and even bigger waste of money than) the London Olympics.

Oh please let them build it.

Kit-Cat Club

13:09 / 18.04.07

What is a corn dog, anyway? I think of them as being frankfurter-substitutes made of pulverised and extruded sweetcorn, but surely this can't be correct?

MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

13:26 / 18.04.07

A hot dog on a stick wrapped in deep-fried cornbread batter. If you have heard of the North American delicacy they call "pogos," you have the right idea.

I will visit Dickens World if I can kick an urchin. There must be readily kickable urchins that I can boot soundly and shout "RAGAMUFFINS!" as they scamper down the street with my watch-fob grasped in their grimy little fists.

Lea-side

14:02 / 18.04.07

Some great ideas here, and i think if the Barbelith were running this then it would probably nearer the mark. But having read the article about it in middle-class-armchair-socialist-lifetyle-guide-read, The Guardian, it appears that the main attraction will in fact be a 'Great Expectations Log Flume'! Seriously.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

17:21 / 18.04.07

They don't have funnel cakes in the UK, do they?

Feverfew

17:51 / 18.04.07

I like the idea of Dickens World, but I can't help but feel that Jasper Fforde is having a quiet chuckle, somewhere.

Mysterious Transfer Student

20:56 / 18.04.07

They don't have funnel cakes in the UK, do they?

No, what are they? Sounds like it could be either delicious or revolting. The fact that the name has associations with a deadly Australian spider (clicking link not recommended for arachnophobes) doesn't bode terribly well.

This Sunday

20:58 / 18.04.07

There's something horribly wrong with associating funnel cakes and funnel spiders. But, really, funnel cake is equally wikipediable.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

18:45 / 19.04.07

Funnel cake is like ten times worse than a doughnut. It's one of the many definitions of heart attack on a (paper) plate.

All Acting Regiment

14:24 / 20.04.07

Chessington World of Chesterton. Rabelais Towers. The Burroughs Hole at Chipping Norton.

Janean Patience

15:04 / 20.04.07

Press announcement: A NEW ERA FOR THE BURROUGHS HOLE
embargoed until 0001, January 18th, 2013

"Low visitor numbers at The Burroughs Hole at Chipping Norton has introduced a new era of family fun and Burroughs-based excitement! From now on, this unpopular attraction won't just be teaching children about the magic of John Carter, Tarzan and the Hollow Earth!
"New funds from our American partners will enable us to create several new Burroughs rides, based not on the work of Edgar Rice Burroughs but on his U.S cousin, William S Burroughs! The kids will love the Junky Trail, the Interzone Experience, and meeting the Talking Asshole!
"The Burroughs Hole: where high adventure meets erotic asphyxia! Book today!"

PLEASE NOTE: none of this will be in the least confusing or disturbing for the children involved and if you say it is we'll sue

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

15:11 / 20.04.07

You forgot the Shooting Gallery, Janean.

All Acting Regiment

15:35 / 20.04.07

Waugh World. Burgess Burg ("Please me old ptitsa, can I 'ave more eggy-wegs, my friend's bleeding in the road"). The Sotos Experience.

trouble at bill

16:12 / 20.04.07

You forgot the Shooting Gallery, Janean

Shooting as in heroin, or shooting as in people?

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

16:18 / 20.04.07

It's a rotating stage. Both.

The Ghost of Tom Winter

17:44 / 20.04.07

I'd ride it. Twice. And by then, I would never be able to leave.

And yes, I meant Tiny Tim. Not sure how I got that wrong.

This Sunday

18:06 / 20.04.07

Yeah, well, I ain't riding Tiny Tim. And I mean that. Not happening.

Princess

20:17 / 20.04.07

Do you have to provide your own wife for the shooting range?

This Sunday

20:42 / 20.04.07

I'm simultaneously attracted to and horrified by the notion of a 'shoot the bitch and write a book' t-shirt. As a consistent reminder of fucking up.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

20:50 / 20.04.07

The Burroughs Hole would also include a mock "Little Tangiers" which gives park-goers the chance to stalk a Ginsberg lookalike.

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