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“Hi, I’m George Lucas, and over the next three discs I’ll be discussing the process of taking my vision for the hit TV show ‘Robinson Caruso’ and turning it into a mildly successful TV show.”
“And I’m Jerry Bruckheimer. I’ll be popping up from time to time to discuss blowing shit up. Whenever you see the small explosion in the bottom right hand corner of your screen, simply press the multi-angle button on your remote and you can join me and my family in my back yard blowing up a variety of shit. Who knows, my good friend Will Smith may even drop by.”
“The real problem with converting ‘Robinson Caruso’ from my vision into an actual thing that other people could see is that technology is not yet advanced enough for people to understand the clarity of my vision. For my next project – ‘Baby Han’ – I will be cryogenically freezing myself with instructions to thaw me out once technology has caught up with my vision.”
DAY 1 ON THE SET OF ROBINSON CARUSO
“So, George, I’ve got a few ideas about how this first scene could play out…”
“I’m sorry, this isn’t working for me. He just doesn’t look enough like David Caruso. Once he’s on screen he’s going to stick out like a sore thumb in amongst all that computer generated vision.”
“Back at ILM we were able to film various elements and integrate them into my vision…”
“To recreate the mysterious tropical island a team of twenty people spent six months programming a small palm tree into a computer, and we now have the ability to create the most lifelike palm trees in any scenario ever.”
“I had all my principle actors stand in front of a green screen, completely motionless, whilst a computer took photographs of them from all angles in all kinds of lighting…”
“…so that we could map the textures and details of their faces as accurately as possible onto the motion artists that we use to recreate any movement that a character may need to do within my computer generated vision.”
“Whooo-weeee! Press that multi-angle button now for some ‘splodin mayhem!!!”
“And as you can see, as we add all the elements together…”
“…The island, as we know and love it…”
“…Begins to take shape.”
POST PRODUCTION
“The final step is to get a David Caruso soundalike voice actor to come in during post and lay down all of the dialogue.”
“What the?!”
“And the end product is so far from my original vision that I intend to tinker with this product monomaniacally until someone shoots me, or until technology is sufficiently advanced.”
IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF ROBINSON CARUSO:
“I guess I’d better… beehive myself with all these photographers around.” |
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