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David “The Method” Caruso passes a contemplative afternoon on his enigmatic island prison.
“Right about now my loyal fanbase will be petitioning the Whitehouse to mount an extensive search/rescue operation. Hell, my agent’s probably kicking ass and taking names right now.”
IN L.A.
”That’s right, we’re gonna call it “Caruso – Acting’s Glenn Miller.” Eric Stoltz is eager to play David but I’d like to push for someone a little more O.C. and a little less B.C. if you know what I mean. The endorsement with Ray Ban is all but signed, and the beauty is, because no one knows what happened to his flight, the screenwriters have got free reign. We’re torn between pirates and dragons at the moment…”
Suddenly a noise from the undergrowth!
"What the?!"
RRRAAAWWWRRR!!!!"
“Oh yeah… I’d forgotten about them.”
“And here I am without my gun! Going to have to rely upon my acting to play dead. Unless I can draw upon some other past experience to get me out of this…”
FLASHBACK TO DAVID’S FIRST ACTING LESSON!
“And you must always remember, if the script calls for any flashbacks, and you’re patently too old to play your younger self, you may have to swallow your pride and let another actor carry the role for those few scenes…”
“But surely with a good skincare regime a talented actor can play teenage right into his fifties?”
“There is an old acting proverb, young David, that says: if one is able to play dead when gripped by the acting polar bear, then the bear will catch and release and you will act another day. If one hams it up then the bear will bite and hold.”
THE PRESENT DAY!
“What was I thinking about wearing that hat in those days? But the crazy old coot was right about one thing…”
“…one man’s ham is another man’s Hamlet!”
With lightening reactions Caruso lets fly with a scalpel-sharp murder scene improv!
“So if the attacker only intended to kill the maid, but the gardener walked in and got a bullet for his troubles…”
“Then our shooter went straight from murder one…to murder two!”
The bear flees!
“I guess he couldn’t…bear to be upstaged.”
“Either that or our acting tastes are…poles apart.”
IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF ROBINSON CARUSO:
“Next week on CBS!”
“…my flight to Sydney, hijacked by air pirates! I guess piracy really is killing the entertainment industry…” |
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