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Certainly a question I have asked myself many times as I've trained and aspired to be a professional musician myself, however I feel that as soon as my livelihood starts to depend on something I love, playing becomes a necessity. The choice of what I play, when and with whom is taken out of my hands (especially in early stages of a career, you have to take what you can get). As a professional musician it is almost without exception that you have to be a "sell-out" at least some of the time just to earn a living.
Also most of the time you are doing the same "tricks" for the audience night in, night out. To be a professional means it's a job, and not many people come home from their job every night saying how much they love it.
I used to have a housemate who was an opera singer, and although she loved singing the actual process of going to rehearsals/performances etc did bring about a *groan...got to go to work* type attitude. I think a lot of why this is brought about is just through doing something you love almost all the time, rather than when you want to.
I'm involved in a couple of very close-knit music scenes and go to quite a lot of gigs/concerts, and it's actually quite rare that I see performers as audience members, especially at the more 'classical' end of the scale. I suppose that if they've been playing music all day they just need to switch off and do something different. However I see loads of composers there (mainly for networking) who have maybe been writing or at least thinking about music all day- maybe the networking aspect is more crucial for them, or perhaps there's still enthusiasm left?
Why do musicians often get so cynical? I often find my views on certain musics get more polarised, the more I know about them- I find the more I discover, the more innovative, inspiring, emotionally charged etc. a piece has to be to have an impact on me- I suppose it's a 'junkie' effect, you need a bigger hit each time and you find that some music just doesn't cut it. If you're exposed to too much music, you'll find most of it doesn't afect you at all and somethign really special has to happen for you to take notice. Whilst you're a professional there's essentially 'no escape' from music most of the time so all but the very best won't make any difference at all to you.
Somthing this can lead to is a mindset of "all music's shit and I'm going to do something about it", which as far as music's concerned this can be a good thing, but as far as listening pleasure and being able to learn from the past it's bad (and can lead to creation of bad music).
This is pretty much the reasoning why I don't want to be a professional musician (i.e. have my livelihood depend upon music). I'd like to be able to play what I want and not play when I don't want to- hopefully this will keep the spark of enthusiasm for music alive in me, and maybe lead to creating great music- but if you want to pay me for it, it's money on the side |
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