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KEG (you gotta rub hir the right way)

  
 
Gypsy Lantern
09:31 / 16.01.07
Dear Keg,

I stand to inherit a considerable sum of money from an ageing relative, but the obstinate old bird just won't give up the ghost. I have tried everything, from loose carpet on the stairs to replacing her heart pills with amphetamines, but to no avail. Fortunately, nature now seems to be taking its course, but I was wondering if you could give me a little insurance. If you could see your way towards, you know, nudging things in my favour, I'd be really grateful. I'll get you some of those special double chocolate chip cookies that you like and a big glass of milk for your trouble. Please Keg, help a brother out. You're great!

Yours sincerely,

That guy who never posts in any other thread but the dumb self-serving one.
 
 
Papess
09:54 / 16.01.07
Keggers is sleeping on my couch right now, but I can wake him if this is really urgent, Two-Headed Rude Boy.
 
 
rosie x
09:58 / 16.01.07
Dear Keg,

For years now I have been desperately enamoured with a lovely young man, and I really do think he feels the same way about me. Or so he’s said on numerous occasions. There’s only this one, teeny tiny little problem…namely his disabled wife and their three young children. My lover says that the family would starve if he was ever to leave them, but I’m sure they’d be alright, wouldn’t they? Keg, that helpless bitch and her snotty little brats are the only thing that stands between myself and eternal happiness! I don’t deserve this heartache, and neither does my man. Is there anything you can do to help me out? Please? Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top? I’ll leave the specifics of how to “dispose” of them up to you... I know that you are wise in such matters. Thank you Keggie! Milk ‘n Cookies coming right up! xxx
 
 
trouser the trouserian
10:20 / 16.01.07
Dear Keg

The family two doors down from me has a dog that occasionally looks at me in a funny way. I've reason to believe (my holy guardian angel told me) that it is teh reincarnated dark magus from Atlantis who is psychically attacking me and causing me to step in dog poo even more frequently than usual. Anyhoo, if you would cause the dog to be flattened by a steamroller and the entire family to be "terminated" (preferably leaving the house standing so's I can have it afterwards) I would be most grateful. You're the greatest. Much better than all those no-hoper servitors as used by wannabe chaos types. Is Soya milk acceptable? The ordinary stuff brings me out in a rash.

Do this for me and I will spread your fame all over teh interweb!!!
 
 
charrellz
13:05 / 16.01.07
Modhat: I really hate to be that guy and ruin all the fun, but this thread doesn't seem to fit with the Temple. A thread questioning how gek is treated these days is a valid topic, but this thread seems a little too tongue in cheek and Conversationy for the Temple. However, I so loath to ruin the fun that I will not actually make the movement request, but wait to see if there is some consensus or a change in the thread's direction/demeanor.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
13:17 / 16.01.07
In that case would it not make a certain amount of sense to move the lightside Gek thread elsewhere? It doesn't really fit in with the prevailing mood of the Temple and the majority of the people who post to it don't seem to post anywhere else here. One might also make the argument that it would get more traffic in the Conversation, thus (in theory) more wishes granted.

I think there is space here for threads which act as critique on magical practice, which seems to be at least part of the motivation behind this one.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
13:19 / 16.01.07
I think this thread fits in with the culture of the Temple to the same extent that 25 inane, grasping, unexamined pages of the Gek thread does (i.e. not at all). I'm more than happy for it to be moved to the conversation, or deleted outright, as long as the Gek thread is treat in the same way.
 
 
Char Aina
13:23 / 16.01.07
it feels like applied psychology to me, albeit not in the way normally expected in the temple. i'm assuming THRB is coutering GEK with this thread, possibly in an attempt to bring down that particular established fully contactable godform to the level of 'fully mockable internet funny'

i think he's playing anansi in this sketch.
you know, stretching our reality tunnels.
fnord?
 
 
Quantum
13:46 / 16.01.07
Let's put them both in Conversation. Any objections?
 
 
Ticker
13:49 / 16.01.07
is it possible to take this over to the Policy Temple thread and deconstruct it a bit before acting?

I know this has been a long time brewing but I'd like to see it properly discussed and decided upon by the collective if possible.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
14:05 / 16.01.07
Yeah, I'd like to see a discussion over in Policy. TBH I feel that the other thread has become pretty stagnant and I reckon the concerns expressed regarding its presence here are valid, I don't want to dump it carelessly into the Conversation if that's just going to cause more bad feeling.
 
 
Quantum
14:10 / 16.01.07
10: Goto "Moderating the Temple" @ Policy
20: Contribute to discussion GEKvsKEG
30: Run
 
 
Alex's Grandma
01:28 / 26.01.07
Dear Keg;

I know people have been a bit negative about you recently, but I'm not like them. All that unpositive stuff to do with missing treads on the staircase, the wills, etc ... so silly, really. They were making it up, I suppose.

Anyway, look, mate, I wouldn't ask, but there are people coming round to deal wth the drains in the garden tomorrow, or something, and there are various things, from an earlier time in my life, that I'd rather they didn't find ... Could you sort it? Cheers.

I'm not sure how the deal breaks down exactly, but I've left a bottle, no, half a bottle of rum out for you, man. And some cakes. Though I'd be careful with those, if I were you.

Knowing you'll do the right thing,

Best, etc

PS I haven't seen daylight in a couple of months; is this because I am vampyr?
 
 
Triplets
03:26 / 26.01.07
Hi Keg,

As a fully fledged oven kin I can feel somewhat ostricised from non-cooker sapiens. Anyway, I'm on my way down to Comet tomorrow "on the pull" and I was wondering if you could help me with you know... etc. Or at least get the plain clothes security guards to "turn the other cheek" as it were.

A bottle of champers left for you

Thanks
 
 
ghadis
09:11 / 26.01.07
Dear Keg

I have blood on my hands. If i give you some milk and cookies will you..

A: Give them a good scrub.

B: Stop the nightmares.

C: Make sure no one ever finds the body.

Thanks Keg

g.
 
 
Triplets
11:58 / 31.01.07
Dear Keg,

I went down to Comet. The thing is I need a bit of help finding a solicitor.

Milk and cookies to you. Thanks.

Regards
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:43 / 02.02.07
Dear Keg,

F*** yourself, you f***ing nob.

Call yourself a c****ing servitor, do you?

I've just had the Old Bill round my gaff with regard to the bit of business that I asked you to sort out for me to do with the bleeding *********** family (you muppet,) and now it looks like I'm going to be doing bird until I can fly.

And not in a good way either.

Guess what though, Keg, mate, guess what?

Friends of mine are going to go to the bleeding lav on your cookies from now on (and you will not know them by sight, you t*****, they will emerge out of the darkness, and you will be unaware.)

So put that in your saucer of milk and go mental with it, you vile beast.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:47 / 02.02.07
Maybe going a bit far on Keg there, but all the same,
he f****** stitched me up, the nonce.

And he laughed while he was doing it.

This servitor is to be avoided.
 
 
trouser the trouserian
17:45 / 02.02.07
Well KEG actually likes BLOOD not pansy milk 'n' cookies. Doesn't have to be your blood. Anyone's will do. He's not that fussy. The more BLOOD you offer, the more likely it is he may actually notice your petition. Up front, mind.
 
 
Z. deScathach
02:01 / 03.02.07
Will he accept that refrigerated stuff?
 
 
Quantum
09:37 / 03.02.07
KEG me old mucker, an armful of claret's yours if you can help lift the heat off Alex's Grandma. I don't want implicating if you know what I mean *taps nose & winks*, and there's a grass I have to shank anyway so the blood's going spare. Help us out, don't make me come round your gaff with a sawnoff.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
11:29 / 02.07.07
Keg asked me to pass on the message that he is still here and he still hates you.
 
 
Quantum
12:40 / 02.07.07
Good, he still owes me from that Alex's Grandma fiasco. Bastard.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
12:47 / 03.07.07
Dear Keg,

Could you fix it so that The Player's upcoming hot date goes horribly and spectacularly wrong, preferably due to some unexpected slapstick incident involving a banana skin, a pair of latex gloves, a live tortoise, Barry Manilow, an abacus, a pair of compasses and a shipment of vaseline? I'll leave the details to your imagination. You might have to chin Gek first, as he's been commissioned by the other side, but I know you're up to it. Cheers Keg, you're a real pal.
 
 
Quantum
17:13 / 03.07.07
I'm suggesting we move both threads to convo or lock them, in the Moderating the Temple thread in Policy.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
07:15 / 04.07.07
Holy fucking GODS. I can't leave you lot alone for five sodding minutes can I?
 
 
Tryphena Absent
08:22 / 06.07.07
Dear KEG,

Please strike down the two people who just posted above me in this thread. They have no respect for you. I would like to offer as a sacrifice to you the erm... remnants of my hymen if there are any and the half pint of goats milk that my boss has in the fridge at work.

Thanks,
Me.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
08:24 / 06.07.07
Your boss keeps the remnants of your hymen in the fridge at work? I thought my manager was a control freak.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
10:04 / 06.07.07
Oh Lantern Gypsy, how silly you are. If you were more receptive to the brane of KEG you would hear KEG laughing. The remnants of my hymen are kept in the sacred box, not in the fridge, kept by the mechanical Priestlings of the Tree People. Yes. The box is made of a tree felled by lightning at the very beginning of the glowing times. Yes.
 
 
iamus
11:15 / 06.07.07
Peachwood, one would hope.
 
 
Quantum
16:48 / 06.07.07
KEG why won't you just stop!? Why the endless rage?!

I'M CLOSING YOUR CONNECTORS RIGHT NOW!

  
  
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