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The Barbelith Video Game Review Thread

  
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
02:27 / 16.01.07
I don't trust video game reviewers. They're corrupt and foolish and display a staggering lack of consistency in their reviewing practices. We can do that shit ourselves, and be just as corrupt and inconsistent. I'll start, then?

Gears of War

The planet of Sera is in big trouble. Maggoty monsters called the Locust Horde have started boiling up from under the ground and killing every human being in sight. Fortunately for humanity, there are the Gears, large men with tiny heads and massive guns that have chainsaws attached to them. You assume the role of Marcus Fenix, an imprisoned Gear who is broken out of jail because the war needs a killer of his caliber. And he kills very well, indeed. You start out in Marcus' prison cell and have to fight your way out.

The first thing you'll notice is that the visuals are unbelievably good. Even on an SDTV, Gears stands out as head-and-shoulders better graphically than anything else on the system. The textures are rich and deep, and everything feels like it has a weight and presence in the world. The character design itself is a little uneven, however. The Gears look great, very chunky and Neanderthal, but the Locust Horde pretty much came right out of the "generic video game monster" bin. The Locust grunts are particularly poorly thought-out, as they look just like your dudes from far away. I often found myself taking cover next to what I thought was one of my squadmates and then getting a faceful of hot lead for my mistake. The game has a very limited color palette, which doesn't help as everything is gray, black or brown of some kind. It makes a certain kind of sense, as you spend most of your time in war-ravaged urban areas, but the dull colors get a bit monotonous. The environments themselves look great, though. You really get the sense that you're in a giant (brown and grey) city with all sorts of architecture and varied spaces.

While the world looks very real, the level design leaves much to be desired. In most tactical shooters, you have multiple ways of approaching a conflict. One can usually scoot around the block to flank a group of enemies, or snipe them from a window on the third floor. Not in Gears. The levels are as linear as it gets. While you may occasionally choose one of two paths, they're the same narrow, predetermined paths that you're always on, so it doesn't really add anything but a poor illusion of freedom. You're always going to enter the room, plaza or cavern from the same direction, and while there is occasionally a "clever" side passage you can use to flank someone (these usually appear to give you an easy out when facing the very scary stationary gun turrets the Locust are fond of using) it's not very complex. Basically, the developers put you where they want you to be for any given fight.

It's annoying, for sure. But you'll forget about it as soon as the slugs start flying. Make no mistake, the combat engine in this game is top of the heap. The controls are incredibly smooth and intuitive, in every aspect of the game. You can aim from the hip and blast away, useful for close range, or zoom in over Marcus' shoulder and sharpshoot with a targeting reticle. It's kind of Resident Evil 4-ish, which is, of course, all to the good. The main, nay, only point of Gears of War is combat, and the main point of the combat is the cover system. You can hide behind anything in this game, be it big, sturdy concrete chunks or upholstered furniture, which gets chewed up real quick by enemy fire (A minor annoyance: There is only one model each for couches and chairs, so everyone on Sera has the same furniture. Lame! Lame and lazy!). You can pop up or to the side from cover and return fire, and pop right back down again with the intuitive control layout. The best part is that there are always several special movement options from any piece of cover, and they operate on a simple one-button system. So you can charge out from behind and advance, jump over or roll laterally from cover to cover. It is, like every other command in the game, smooth as silk and a cinch to pick up. The firefights are intense, and there is a real feeling of danger every time you expose yourself. The enemy AI is very good, and they will blow your puny human head off if you make a mistake, especially on the higher difficulty settings. I could have used a little more control over my squadmates, but that's the only quibble I have with an otherwise stellar combat engine. Well, there could be more bosses, but i think that's a stylistic choice, as the engine's strength lies in killing lots of smaller enemies rather than big ones.

The story is barely that, a basic framework to string guns and blood to. I really had no idea what was going on for most of the game, and I didn't care. The characters are the most trite video game caricatures and their dialogue is appropriately moronic. They're tough guys. The end. The most mystifying plot point is that the secret weapons data or whatever stupid thing that the Gears need to win the war ends up being in the basement of Marcus' family estate. What the fuck? No idea. It's never explained. Just don't worry about it and kill that Locust, soldier.

Another problem is the short campaign. I was done with it in about nine hours on Casual, and played about 3/4 of the way through the Hardcore game with a buddy in one evening. Coop play is worth the time, if you have any friends (See what I did there? I made a joke about how gamers don't have any friends, just like a real game reviewer!). I haven't hit up the multiplayer on Live yet, because it's kind of a process for me to get the 360 online, but I'm willing to bet it's simple but well-done, like the rest of the game.

It's totally worth your money if you like shooters, and worth a rent even if you don't. My partner, who never, ever plays shooters, took over for me in coop play so I could have a break from the action, and then she wouldn't give me the controller back. It's that intuitive and fun.

I give it a 7.8/10

The combat engine is phenomenal, but the levels are too linear and the story makes you dumber just by experiencing it.
 
 
Kiltartan Cross
11:02 / 16.01.07
Laser Squad Nemesis

There's a storyline behind LSN. Not much of a one, but here goes: the Future. Humans. Xenomorphs. Robots. Greys. Laser guns. Endless warfare!

Yah, well, I said it wasn't much of a story. LSN is a tactical combat game fought between two players; each has a small squad from one of four sides. Games progress in ten second turns; each player plots a simple set of orders for each of their troops to follow during the turn, both players send their turns to a central server, and the server then calculates the result - both turns happen at the same time - and sends it back to the players to watch. Typically games are 30 turns long, and can take from an hour to a month or more depending on the players involved.

Unit selection is very limited; each side has only six units to choose from. They cannot change equipment or armament and there are no RPG elements; no "experience", no carrying over of troops from one game to the next, no interaction with anyone except to shoot at them with large guns.

There are a large number of maps available; usual practice is that the server will randomly choose a map, although players can specify the size of map they'd like, choose a particular map, or create their own if they wish. The central map pool is regularly added to by the user-base. The terrain is basic; an isometric grid with a variety of simple buildings, trees and whatnot spread across it. It is, by and large, very destructible, and by the end of a game the map will often be totally shredded. The game engine uses a hybrid 2d/3d system: the maps are essentially a grid a tiles long by b tiles wide by 1 tile high, inside of which everything is calculated in 3d. Graphically, it looks smooth but antique.

LSN is, at heart, a very simple game: simple sides, simple orders, simple maps, simple graphics. This is its great strength; LSN is tactical joy. Leaving completely aside the single-player campaign (which is rubbish in the extreme, scripted, poor AI; most LSN players don't go near it), LSN is a pure battle of wits between players. A huge number of tactical gambits can be carried out, and the top few players are scarily good. Overall numbers of players are fairly static at the moment, although down from the game's heyday.

In addition to the official League and occasional official Tournament, players can play friendly games or take part in one of the large number of unofficial Leagues and Tournaments.

Overall, I'd give it a straight 10/10. No other tactical game (I've seen) comes close.
 
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
22:45 / 19.01.07
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Before I even get into this game, I need everyone to know that playing the unpatched version of the game is unacceptable. The Oblivion you get in the green plastic case is not a real game. It's almost a game, but it's full of glitches, quest-killing errors and a totally awful framerate in many places. To get the real Oblivion experience, you have to use Xbox Live to download the patch. Then you have an actual finished video game, one that I will be reviewing right now. I'm also going to include all the official downloadable content, because it should have been in the proper game, too.

Oblivion was my number one reason for buying an Xbox 360. I spent untold hours playing Morrowind on the Xbox and I rate that game as one of my five favorite games of all time, despite it's flaws. With the exception of the Baldur's Gate series, I've never put as much time into any video game. I loved the wide-open gameplay and the massive scope. No game before or since has delivered those elements in such a pure form. So, you can imagine how excited I was to get my hands on the sequel.

Well, it starts out slow, with a starter dungeon where you can construct your character a little at a time, starting with race and physical appearance. The face customization is insanely good. I don't have a huge amount of patience for those things, but my partner, who is an artist, took the time and effort to make her game character look exactly like her. I mean, exactly, down to the coloring of her cheeks. When I saw the finished product, it was a mark-out, "holy shit" moment in my video game history. I was wowed. Every other character editor I've seen is shamed by the existence of Oblivion's.

After that it's on to learning how to play. The tutorial dungeon is well-done, if a little tedious (especially for someone who's played Morrowind), but it sets up the main plotline, and lets you play a little before you choose which skills and attributes you're going to focus on, which I think is great. Some story, some killing, some character choices, and then out into the wide world.

And what a world it is. The moment I emerged from the starter dungeon and got my first look at Cyrodiil was another video game moment I'll remember. It's beautiful. Rolling hills, glittering lakes and lush forests make up most of Cyrodiil, with misty marshes far South and icy mountains to the North. The world is huge, and it's full of stuff to do. You can harvest almost any plant for alchemical purposes. The land is dotted with caves, mines, tombs, ruins and forts to explore and loot, some of which are tied to specific quests, but are typically just there for the intrepid traveller to capitalize on.

Almost everything in the game is accessible from the moment you leave the starter dungeon. There is a huge capital city and seven or so smaller cities each with a unique ruler, architecture and set of quests. There are tons of things going on in each city, and you're free to stick your nose in (or not). You'll uncover shady dealings, paranoid lunatics and some really ugly things as well. Something's rotten in Leyawiin Castle, that's all I'll say here. Some of the quests are your standard RPG fare, but there's a refreshing lack of "find 20 of item X and return to me" quests, which is nice. There are also lots of ways to go about completing each quest, nobly or not.

There's a real potential to have a powerful evil character in this game. In many games that claim to give you ethical freedom, playing as an evil character is clearly discouraged by the programmers, as it is too hard or there isn't enough to do. Either that, or they'll only let your evil character be kind of a dick, not truly reprehensible. Not here. The accomodations made to play a soulless, blackhearted son-of-a-bitch actually made me a little uncomfortable. there's an entire guild, the Dark Brotherhood, made for evil characters, and the downloadable content on Xbox Live features several diferent lairs, one for a thief, one for a wizard and one for an evil character, which features a Dark Minion you can send out to murder people for their stuff and a Forbidden Altar that will heal a character that's too evil to use the Cathedrals across Cyrodiil. It makes you feel icky to use all this stuff, which is very impressive for a video game.

You can really play this game any way you want. The main quest can be completely ignored and you'll never miss it. You can play freeform, just robbing and looting and clearing out mines, never bothering to do any quests at all. You can play the mighty knight, the sneak-thief, the archmage, the evil bastard, or a combination of all of them.

Chances are, though, that you'll want to explore the world, questing hither and thither and accruing ever better gear. Well, the exploring the world part of the game is where I ran up against my first major problem with Oblivion. In Morrowind, while there were Mage's Guild teleporters, silt striders and boatmen dotting the world, you had to do a lot of humping it to get places, and you had to carefully plan your route. It took time, yes, but it gave you a real immersion in the gameworld and you got to actually know your way around places. If you wanted to get from Vivec to House Redoran, you actually knew, step by step, how to get there quickly by using the resources available to you.

Not so in Oblivion. They've come up with a fast-travel system which makes all of the cool, realistic (in game terms, obviously) ways to get around obsolete. You can, from the moment you leave the starter dungeon, instantaneously "fast travel" to any city location, and you can fast travel to any wilderness location that you've already visited. When you get close to a wilderness point of interest it will tell you "You have discovered Sleazy and Abusive Mine" and mark it on your map for you, which is great, as finding things, especially cave doors, in Morrowind was the biggest pain in the ass in that game. But to then be able to travel to any point on your map, from anywhere, at any time, is just indescribably lame. The journey is the point in Elder Scrolls games. You would have never found Sleazy and Abusive Mine if you just fast travelled from quest point to quest point all the time! It also renders the new, very cool, horse system obsolete from the get-go. I suppose you can just not use the thing, and that's true, but I feel like it represents a softening on Bethesda's part. Bethesda makes virtual worlds, with their own rules, cultures, characters and intrigues. Bethesda is about immersion. The worlds they create should feel as real as possible, and this fast travel system, to me, spits in the face of that. It takes me out of the game instantly, as well as making you miss out on some of the coolest details of the game. You'll never see the massive gates of Bruma loom up at you out of a blizzard and think "wow, I made it!" You'll never pass the wineries on the way out of Skingrad and stop to pick some grapes. I don't use the fast travel because I love the exploration aspect of the game. I want to see everything. But it's inclusion bugs me, and I think it's because it makes the game more "accessible" to "mainstream" gamers. I'm sorry, but the Elder Scrolls is not Halo or Madden, and I don't want Bethesda courting "Mastacheef69" and friends. These games are for ME, dammit, and people like me. I don't want them dumbed down to be "easier" by putting in a shortcut to one of the game's major conceits, that of travelling this gorgeous, huge world that the developers created.

Despite my irritation with that new "feature," I enjoyed the early bits tremendously. I joined the Thieves Guild, which is much more decentralized than the Morrowind version. There are no guildhouses in taverns anymore, just a loose confederation of scoundrels, which was great. There are some great quests too, many focussing around a virtuous but thickheaded Guard Captain who has a fixation with capturing the Thieves Guild's leader, The Gray Fox. You'll gleefully thwart and humiliate him en route to getting the poor clod reassigned in the ass-end of nowhere. Good fun. My favorite thiefly moment in the game actually came from the downloadable thief's lair, Dunbarrow Cove. You'll find a secret cavern with a pirate ship (just like in "The Goonies." That's how cool it is.) that will be a pefect base for those up to no good. Unfortunately, it's overrun with undead pirates! The duel with the skeletal Pirate Captain in his quarters was the best part of the game for me, especially reading his journals after the fact and finding out how Dunbarrow Cove came to be. You'll then be able to hire some sneaky specialists and attract pirate scum to your crew. It's brilliant.

The combat is much improved over Morrowind, but they clearly didn't try to reinvent the wheel. You can block with shield or weapon, use normal and power attacks, more of which you can use as you advance your melee skills, cast spells without sheathing your weapon and stagger your opponent with mighty blows. It's pretty cool, and the repetitive nature of Morrowind's slash-slash-slash combat, if not completely erased, is livened up considerably.

As you play Oblivion for more than 15-20 hours, you'll notice something disturbing. You haven't found any exceptional gear, really. Sure, you were excited when you found your first Dwarven Longsword, but that was soon followed by a full set of Dwarven Armor. You found said armor on a few (strangely tough) bandits in the middle of the woods. You might say to yourself, "what the fuck is going on here?" You had, after all, just cleared out a nest of filthy vampires and slaughtered their Matriarch and Patriarch in an epic subterranean battle. Their gear wasn't as good as the stuff you just got from three pissant bandits. Something seems wrong, so you might find yourself checking the internet.

There, you learn the awful truth.

The game is levelled. That is to say, everything you find is based on your character's level. Now, for me, the best part of Morrowind was that it felt like a real world. Once you were properly equipped, you never had to worry about bandits again, because they were puny scum. On the other hand, you could walk into an archmage's lair by mistake and get incinerated for your audacity. It was a dangerous place, and no matter how tough you were, you still had to be careful. With the levelling system, Oblivion becomes an exercise in mediocrity. You'll never be seriously challenged except by boss fights that your character matches up poorly in, skill-wise. You'll also never really get the sense that you are like unto a god, smiting puny bandits left and right, because those bandits wearing leather armor and using rusty swords when you were third level are now demigods wearing full Glass and Daedric gear, using powerful spells and summoning Dremora Lords to bash your head in. Bandits. And it's not only the bad guys. Whenever you reach a level where a new set of gear becomes droppable, suddenly, every schlub in Tamriel has that gear. The innkeeper has a Glass Shortsword. Some random knight has full Daedric Armor. It's ridiculous, unrealistic and takes you fully out of the game, as well as giving you not a whole fucking lot to look forward to. You're automatically going to get the best stuff in the game if you just keep plugging along. On the flip side, there's no chance of ever getting anything good early. I remember when one of my fledgling Morrowind characters lucked across a Dwarven Shortsword very early in the game, and it gave him a significant advantage for a while. It was really cool. My character, a nobody, had found a forgotten blade, a relic of times long gone, and he used it to the fullest, which makes perfect sense in the game's internal logic. Not in Oblivion. Really good armor in Morrowind was rare. If you happened across someone in Glass, Ebony or Daedric stuff, you knew that person was not to be fucked with unless you were a total badass. Finding a full set of Glass or Daedric was hard. In Oblivion, no one has Glass Armor until you hit level twenty. Then it's everywhere, and you'll have a full set within the hour. No one has anything unique or personal, they just upgrade periodically. There's no way you can pull off a daring heist and steal a Daedric Longsword from a Countess, because the Countess won't have one until you're level twenty-two, and then they'll be everywhere, so why would you do something so risky for no real reward? It's idiotic, and it actually almost killed this entire game for me. It's like the fast-travel system but much, much worse, because you can't ignore it. It's a system of enforced mediocrity. You'll never feel any real sense of accomplishment, because every challenge is set to "slightly difficult." You'll also never be in any real danger, because nothing in Cyrodiil is a big-time threat. One of my favorite video game moments was in Morrowind's Tribunal expansion, when I got my character stuck in a fight with a Goddess that he was severely unprepared for. Through some misfortune or other, I had no backup save. It was win the battle or lose a character I had spent dozens and dozens of hours on. Through sheer luck, on probably the thirty-seventh attempt and eleventh strategy, I defeated her. My roommates at the time were woken by my howls of victory and thought I had gone insane, but the sense of accomplishment was real. There's nothing like that in Oblivion. The developers cut that out of it.

There are parts of this game that I love. The quests are interesting and well-written. The game is gorgeous and huge, with so many places to explore. It really feels like a world. Until the cracks show through and you realize that it's made to be boring and easy. There is a great game there, if you don't care about the gear and combat challenge. I'm still playing it and enjoying myself, but I'm deeply disappointed in Bethesda. They took out the parts of Morrowind that I liked best, and replaced them with lowest-common-denominator game mechanics. I wanted this game to be perfect, but it's just a good game. What a colossal missed opportunity.

It gets a 7.1/10, and I'm still fucking pissed.
 
 
Jack Denfeld
11:00 / 24.02.07
Man. I actually just got an X-Box from the pawn shop just to play Morrowind GOTY. I'm not even a big video game guy but Morrowind is great. I was thinking about getting a 360 just for Oblivion, but after your review I'm not so sure. The levelling thing seems to take out much of the freedom I like about Morrowind. Having a low level character, trying all kinds of extensive preperation to go up against an opponet you have no right fighting just to get that cool item.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
10:53 / 25.02.07
Guys, I'm going to ask that you consider moving the first three posts into new threads specifically for the games they discuss and we delete or close this one, because I think it's a wasted effort for you to have typed that much out and stuck it into a catch-all thread that doesn't allow for or encourage further discussion of the points you bring up.

There's already an Oblivion thread here, Jake, and I know there are other people here who've played GoW and would probably want to pick up some of the things you've said, but this thread just doesn't allow for that.
 
  
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