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Below is a poss. story for submission to some preiodical. The remit conspires thusly: 500 words max on 'survival', explaining the brevity. Rather oddly, I have chosen to fill said words with a shaggy dog story with more than a whiff (I think) of Pete n' Dud.
All constructive crit. much appreciated - particularly, what do people think of the script structure? Should I include more on the speakers themselves?
Ta.
‘Survival’
‘A boy, a small boy say’
‘How small?’
‘More …young than small, you know? Well. This small…young boy, he’s out one day with his parents. A day trip to the city. First time‘
‘And?’
‘Well, he gets lost, doesn’t he? Loses them in a busy crowd: hands slip from hands like in a film. All he’s left with is a single woollen glove. His mother’s. Suddenly he’s all alone’
‘How alone?’
‘Alone like he’s never been. He’s terrified. Everything’s so tall and cold and wherever he turns there are shadows that grow deeper as the minutes pass’
‘That’s a bit over the top’
‘Do you mind? I was trying to establish atmosphere’
‘Too much, if you ask me: all atmosphere, no story’
‘I happen to think atmosphere is the most important part of the story’
‘I beg to differ - do carry on’
‘Well, he’s scared isn’t he?’
‘I think we’ve already done that’
‘No, I said he was terrified. After that passes, there’s a fear that creeps up on him. Like the cold’
‘Perhaps it is the cold’
‘I wouldn’t say so. His parents have prepared him for that: he’s dressed for the weather’
‘And he has the glove’
‘Only the one, mind’
‘Only the one’
‘So, this fear that comes creeping: it’s not the cold, it’s something deeper.’
‘yes?’
‘Well, with the crowd pulsing around him and the sun going down in the sky he starts to think’
‘dangerous, that’
‘Very. What he thinks is: if no-one knows where I am, what if I never get found? What if I’m forgotten? It’s about now that he begins to appreciate his situation’
‘Of course he does. Clever kid.’
‘Exactly. ’
‘So?’
‘So, he goes to the one place they’ve already visited: the park. In the park is a lake and at the centre is a small island.’
‘naturally’
‘He makes his way there and sets up camp. He’s a Boy Scout see, he knows these sorts of these things. ’
‘I never made it past cubs. Couldn’t tie my scarf, let alone a reef knot’
‘Years go by and though his parents search for him wherever they can, they’re busy people. They have other concerns. The day comes when they give up looking‘
‘That’s awfully cruel’
‘Exactly what I said’
‘And?’
‘Well, he turns up years later. An amorous couple make their way out to the island for a spot of…well, you know’
‘Romantic, that’
‘Awfully. Anyway, they’ve just set about their business when this animal child turns up: all long hair and naked as the day. Wild, he is.
‘It’s him’
‘It is. You know how they identify him?’
‘I can’t say I do’
‘The glove’
‘What glove?’
‘The glove from the start of the story - if you remember that far back. He has it, set to one side in a little shrine.’
‘That’s not much of a story at all’
‘Well, it got us through to closing time.
‘That time already?’
‘It is. Drink up’ |
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