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Battle of the Butlers!

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Glenn Close But No Cigar

15:34 / 05.12.06

Bruce Wayne's manservant, or Tony Stark's valet? Employees of billionaire superfolk both, but who is the best? Alfred, with his man medical skillz, or Jarvis, with his recent romancin' of Aunt May Parker (Ultimate Jarvis, of course, is now romancin' Ultimate Uncle Ben in heaven...).

Who would you rather bring you hot buttered toast in the morning? Who would you rather covered up your debilitating alchoholism? Who would you rather took a firm hand to your ward? Who (with apologies to PG Wodehouse) is the ultimate 'gentelman's gentleman's gentleman'? You decide!

DavidXBrunt

16:02 / 05.12.06

Alfred Pennyworth of course. For his war time activities helping the French resistance.

This Sunday

16:42 / 05.12.06

Alfred's ability to go from a sphere to rail-thin in between successive issues is remarkable. Less so, his ability to die, be a villain, and then come back in time to catch some TV-inspired loving. Plus, he looks good in the rain, thanks to Jim Lee.

Jarvis has a lot more to worry about than just Batman and his kids, what with the whole of the Avengers and everything. Everybody's an Avenger, and they're always dropping by and making absurd requests: Polish my incredibly dangerous box that holds winter deathdoom... gimme a seven course Inhuman meal that don't include parts of Crystal's dead nanny... order up the Panther some ribs and don't tell anybody, lest they think it a racist capitulation gesture on his part.
And, y'know, he got his ass handed to him by the Masters of Evil and remembers it as one of his happiest moments serving the Avengers.

So, in conclusion... cue drumroll... Wooster's the best superhero.

Glenn Close But No Cigar

19:16 / 05.12.06

And Wooster, of course, was a key member of the secretive 'Drones Club'...

Much as I love Alfred, Jarvis IS the man. Hell, he's the only Avenger with a 100% attendence record. Bunch of slackers.

sleazenation

19:31 / 05.12.06

Is Alfred buttling for Iron man these days, because while I recall references to it in the past I never saw Jarvis working as a butler for Tony Stark, I saw him working for the Fantastic Four more often...

MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

19:32 / 05.12.06

I like my butlers unflappable, dammit, and Alfred is constantly fretting and encouraging people to be careful and worrying about everything.

Jarvis, on the other hand, can watch Hawkeye explode in a burst of blood and offal two feet in front of him, peel a piece of large intestine from his forehead, and cooly ask Captain America if he might perhaps wish to retire to the lounge for an alcohol-free martini and a scone.

Alfred is a member of the "Batman Family," while Jarvis is the ultimate employee. Alfred cares for Bruce and Dick and Tim, while Jarvis is filled with nothing but cold loathing and consummate professionalism.

Cadbury could, of course, kick both their asses. Cadbury is the man.

grant

19:55 / 05.12.06

Cato. Or maybe Wing.

That's such a political trap, but I don't care.

Although I suppose technically they were chauffeurs, weren't they?

sleazenation

22:14 / 05.12.06

But they were all gentlemen's gentlemen I figure they'd count in a battle of the butlers.

Hmmmm thinking about the whole Batman family stuff - has Alfred ever had his sexuality questioned like his master Bruce?

The Falcon

22:28 / 05.12.06

There are definitely moments of suggestive campery with Alfred; I've always kinda read between the lines that he was gay - mind you, I've only really read DCU comics to any extent over the last 7-8 years. I'm sure there's something in Morrison's 'Gothic' that's pretty outright?

Solomon from Tom Strong, of course, is both an ape and butler. Which is excellent. Does Wong count? 'Manservant' is, I believe, still the official designation for him.

Grady Hendrix

23:31 / 05.12.06

I'm with Jarvis.

And Wong does count. But he's been getting uppity lately.

fluid_state

02:04 / 06.12.06

Well, since we're going all multiverse here, it's Alfred + Cato ftw. Although they'd run into a pretty tough fight from Wong and Solomon, who could collectively buttle for the Doom Patrol. Jarvis, on the other hand, would be too busy doing his fucking job to bother with these shenanigans. Tony Stark's martini keg isn't going to shake itself, you know. It should, but Tony's "worried that technology might fall into the wrong hands". Wanker.

8===>Q: alyn

03:51 / 06.12.06

Worst.

Thread.

Ever.

It wasn't so bad till people started responding to it.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

04:33 / 06.12.06

Now Qalyn, don't let your lack of a manservant drive you into some kind of a madness.

("You always say that! You always say I'm drunk, or I've had too much candy, or I'm suffering from some kind of madness!")

Glenn Close But No Cigar

09:47 / 06.12.06

Worst. Thread. Ever.

Why?

Sniv

11:09 / 06.12.06

It's Alfred, obviously. Not only is he the original (and best), but he's a master of disguise, a surrogate father figure for Batman and he's a valet not a simple butler.

Although, I really do love Ultimate Jarvis and was most upset when he caught a bullet between the eyes. What better manservant for an alcoholic billionaire superhero than a witty, bitter old queen who knows that nobody is good enough for his Tony. And then he tells them about it too, with a withering put-down and arched eyebrows. Awsomeness.

But Alfred, Alfred cleans up Bat-guano with nary a complaint. For this, he is obviously a saint.

Spaniel

13:08 / 06.12.06

Alfred is also a trained battlefield doctor, isn't he?

DaveBCooper

13:24 / 06.12.06

Wasn’t there a sweet lurve thang goin down between Alfred and Leslie Thompkins for a while? Kinda puts the kibosh on him being gay, I think.
Well, unless you only read about it in text form and they avoid the use of any pronouns for Leslie, I guess.

yawn - thing's buddy

13:49 / 06.12.06

the chinese bloke who sweeps up after marvel's strange doctor is the best tho, no? (well as long as mete pilligan's writing him o'kors)

what about alfred in frank miller's batman and robin - where he's painted as a hard man and a stud - weird!

tho recently, best alfred has been robbie morrison's take with BMC2 in Solo. (dusting that frozen giant hand while bats looks on, smiling................

pure.

comics'

pleasure.)

This Sunday

17:32 / 06.12.06

Wong keeps getting pissed and trying to kill dear lovely Stephen, though, so he can't really count. I mean, you can't just brutalize your very rich white overlord because he let the dinner you prepared go cold, or never says thanks for the odd warmed towel, let your loved ones die horrible painful deaths because he was busy learning earthquake magick and getting fitted for a nice coat. Can you?

Secretly, of course, this is the frission that keeps their romance alive. Wong is secretly the dominant party, you know, and very amused at the pretensions he allows Strange.

FinderWolf

18:44 / 06.12.06

There is a classic 70s/80s pic of Jarvis holding aloft a vaccuum cleaner as if it's a sword. Makes me think Jarvis is possibly cooler, just for that one pic...even though Alfred has to win in the Battle of Butlers because his character is a lot more developed than Jarvis...Jarvis never really did all that much except give out lemonade to everyone, hit on Aunt May (recently, when Spidey & family moved into Avengers mansion) and be all defiant when the Masters of Evil invaded Avengers mansion in the mid-to-late 80s.

FinderWolf

18:47 / 06.12.06

oh, and yes, Alfred's brief acting career led to his being a 'master of disguise' (not only voices and costumes but applying makeup, prosthetics, etc. a la Lon Chaney) and has helped our Bat-folks on many an occasion. Quite the multi-talented chap, that Alfie...

gridley

19:01 / 06.12.06

Lex Luthor once tried to get Alfred to leave Bruce Wayne and work for him. When two of the richest, smartest men in the world are fighting over you, you know you got the goods.

I never saw Kang or Doom making such any effort to win over Jarvis.

Therefore, Alfred wins.

8===>Q: alyn

20:47 / 07.12.06

Zahir, I recognize that this was intended as a fluffy thread and it started off okay, but the general tone of snickering at the nellies kind of pisses me off. I mean, Ultimate Jarvis really pissed me off. I'm sure you're all nice people and I'm being "sensitive".

The Falcon

21:55 / 07.12.06

What's a nelly? Is it a gay man?

Anyway, I found that suggestive Alfred thing in 'Gothic' - where he's quite the best character ('sitting morbidly introspecting in a roomful of stopped clocks must give you a ravaging appetite, so I made you sandwich' = best) - and it's after Batman's been to Germany, and he's all: I was rather hoping for a gift, perhaps a nice pair of lederhosen. Inconclusive, I'm sure you'll agree, but he's a great counterpoint to all the baroque booding in the series.

Also! Furthering the case of Wong, Reed Richards attempted to 'tap him up' in the Dead Girl series, but the guy is loyal.

This Sunday

22:17 / 07.12.06

That's really really weird if it is meant to be suggestive of Alfie as homosexual. Lederhosen? Gifts? Germany? Which part, before I embarrass myself, is the part that makes him gay? Or is it the sandwich.

Jarvis/Alfred slash is right round the corner, y'know. Somebody's done it.

And I still don't see how this could be the worst thread even of this month. I mean, it can't actually even degenerate past its starting state.

The Falcon

00:06 / 08.12.06

I thought lederhosen were fairly du rigeur at the gay bar, at least at one point in time? Mayhap I bought into the Village People stereotype but I had thought, yes, an old guy in leather trews would quite likely be homosexual.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

01:10 / 08.12.06

I thought lederhosen were fairly du rigeur at the gay bar, at least at one point in time?

I think I may have missed that memo. Er, which gay bars are these?

I don't really think there's anything particularly suggestive of Alfred's sexuality here, he was making a pithy jab at Bruce about having spent time in *Germany*, hence the stereotypically German item of appareil.

And I'm surprised nobody's brought up HERBIE.

yawn - thing's buddy

07:41 / 08.12.06

THE gay bar.

the one that Der Falke goes to.

ALL

THE

TIME.

Benny the Ball

07:46 / 08.12.06

apart from the John Cleese-lite character (Beefeater?) in JLU, (and yes he was techincally a liaison consulate or something, not a butler - but it says staff in the summary so), which staff have had powers at any time?

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:24 / 08.12.06

Ah, well, if we're broadening it to _staff_ - and, for the record, Beefeater was not attached in his capacity as Beefeater - he was a liason who happened to be in possession of the original Beefeater's power staff - then She-Hulk's law office has super-speedsters in the mail room and one of the Mad Thinker's robots as a kind of receptionist. The Heroes for Hire have am indestructible receptionist, I think - and, in a sense, the other HfH are employees of Misty Kight and Colleen Wing, I suppose. None of them are by any stretch of the imagination butlers, though. I'm not entirely sure about Alfred or Jarvis - a butler is responsible for the cellar, the serving of food and by extension the management of the other servants. Alfred and Jarvis may be more correctly factota - Alfred seems to be a valet de chambre and also a butler.

Benny the Ball

09:34 / 08.12.06

as well as chauffer...

DavidXBrunt

09:39 / 08.12.06

Well the Beefeater was an employee of the United Nations in the same way that the actual J.L. members were so he technically counts. And if he does then Max Lord counts too. Super duper mentally suggestive powers too.

And whilst I'm diluting the thread to this extent...L-Ron anyone?

Benny the Ball

09:44 / 08.12.06

ah yes, my vote goes to L-Ron!

DavidXBrunt

09:51 / 08.12.06

Oh and I always had a soft spot for Weng, the snooty house boy of Modesty Blaise.

Haus of Mystery

10:55 / 08.12.06

L-Ron and The Martian Manhunter's interplay back in the pre-headtraumarape JLA days is a joy to read.
Remember the end of 'Breakdowns'? When right at the end of all the ass-kickings the team had undergone, Despero possessed L-Ron's body, and still managed to nearly beat the battered Leaguers? That was ace.

Jarvis' Ultimate characterisation once again made me want to find Mark Millar and batter him about the face and neck. Would it kill the guy to write one fucking character that I cared about?

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