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The Mechanical Contrivium

Hydra vs Leviathan

13:23 / 10.11.06

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Barbelith!

1. Barbelith has 118 ridges around the edge!
2. Tradition allows women to propose to barbelith only during leap years.
3. Barbelith is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature.
4. The Eskimos have over fifty words for barbelith.
5. If you put a drop of liquor on barbelith, it will go mad and sting itself to death!
6. Red barbelith at night, shepherd's delight. Red barbelith at morning, shepherd's warning.
7. Barbelith is born white; its pink feathers are caused by pigments in its typical diet of shrimp.
8. Scientists have discovered that barbelith can smell the presence of autism in children!
9. If you cut barbelith in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have.
10. Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in barbelith!

Contrivium

from the same website as The Infinite Teen Slang Dictionary and The Advertising Slogan Generator (tho the rest of it's a bit crap, tbh)...

Whisky Priestess

14:54 / 10.11.06

Quite liked this from MovieQuote:

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Barbelith didn't exist.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

14:55 / 10.11.06

Amen, Whiskey, amen.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

15:00 / 10.11.06

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kali!

1 In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Kali is 10:1!

2 Kali has little need for water and is capable of going for months without drinking at all!

3 If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Kali!

4 Kali has four noses.

5 If you chew gum while peeling Kali then it will stop you from crying.

6 The fingerprints of Kali are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

7 Some hotels in Las Vegas have Kali floating in their swimming pools.

8 Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Kali, and frequently rise to the surface for air.

9 Kali will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory.

10 Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by Kali.

And this is all true. (Except the bit about the four noses.)

15:20 / 10.11.06

1. You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of fishdicks to reach the earth's core.

2. In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, fishdicks are the victim.

3. Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up fishdicks!

4. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on fishdicks!

5. Fishdicks can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory.

6. White chocolate isn't technically chocolate, because it doesn't contain fishdicks.

7. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching fishdicks.

8. The patron saint of fishdicks is Saint Eugenie.

9. Fishdicks were originally called Cheerioats.

10.The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained fishdicks.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

15:47 / 10.11.06

Kali
v. to behave in a fake manner.
"Are you trying to Kali, man?"

I always wanted to be slang. But apparently, I'm negative slang.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:17 / 10.11.06

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Stoatie!
Stoatie is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
Stoatie can clean her ears with her tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long.
Stoatie is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
Stoatie is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees.
The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of Stoatie.
It's bad luck for a flag to touch Stoatie.
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Stoatie.
Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Stoatie!
Stoatie can not regurgitate.
Stoatie is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:17 / 10.11.06

Some of those are surprisingly close to the truth. Random Internet-shitomancy!

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

16:52 / 10.11.06

Note to self: ixnay on presenting Stoats with a flag for his upcoming birthday. It might burn or something.

17:06 / 10.11.06

If you kiss Grant Morrison for one minute you will burn six or seven calories!

Czar Paul I banished Grant Morrison to Siberia for marching out of step.

Grant Morrison can last longer without water than a camel can.

About one tenth of Grant Morrison is permanently covered in ice.

Grant Morrison has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.

Grant Morrison can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

17:07 / 10.11.06

Kali- pirate flags are, of course, the exception.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

17:39 / 10.11.06

Yes!!!!

Oh, which reminds me....

(searches for and finds Stoatie's address)

BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

18:05 / 10.11.06

We all know the following facts, but it's worth reminding people.

1)It takes forty minutes to hard-boil Evil Scientist!

2)Evil Scientist will often glow under UV light!

3)Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Evil Scientist.

4)It's bad luck for a flag to touch Evil Scientist!

5)It is bad luck to walk under Evil Scientist!

6)Evil Scientist has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap!

7)Evil Scientist will always turn right when leaving a cave.

8)Olive oil was used for washing Evil Scientist in the ancient Mediterranean world.

9)Evil Scientist can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory.

10)During World War II, Americans tried to train Evil Scientist to drop bombs!

19:12 / 10.11.06

When I do things like this the answers are always dirty. I have dirty answers in my contrivium.

19:15 / 10.11.06

Obviously, these facts will get you salivating fo some juicy Leberwurst. I´m off to the grocerie store!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Leberwurst!

1) Red Leberwurst at night, shepherd's delight. Red Leberwurst at morning, shepherd's warning!
2)Leberwurst is the world's largest rodent.
3)Leberwurst was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes.
4)Snow White's coffin was made of Leberwurst.
5) The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Leberwurst!
6) The colour of Leberwurst is no indication of her spiciness, but size usually is!
7) In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Leberwurst is 10:1.
8) Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in Leberwurst!
9) Leberwurst kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
10) Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on Leberwurst!

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

19:37 / 10.11.06

Haus
n. a particularly beautiful scooter.
"Check out her Haus - let's hide it!"

19:50 / 10.11.06

Ten Top Trivia Tips about May Tricks!

1. It took May Tricks 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.
2. May Tricks has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
3. May Tricks is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
4. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of May Tricks.
5. May Tricks cannot jump!
6. Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in May Tricks!
7. May Tricks has a bifurcated penis.
8. New Zealand was the first place to allow May Tricks to vote.
9. Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that May Tricks is near.
10.During severe windstorms, May Tricks may sway several feet to either side.

19:52 / 10.11.06

I just did a search of my name to console myself of the dirtyness of the contrivium.

I found this

20:08 / 10.11.06

They were mean.

20:12 / 10.11.06

Ten Top Trivia Tips about God!

If you drop God from the top of the Empire State Building, she will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground.
If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets God!
God can taste with her feet.
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal God.
It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be God!
God can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.
God has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
God cannot jump.
The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention God.
India tested its first nuclear God in 1974!

20:23 / 10.11.06

Please, no one try "smegma".

20:29 / 10.11.06

1. Worldwide, willies are the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
2. Willies cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
3. Grapes explode if you put them inside willies.
4. Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are willies!
5. The international dialling code for willies is 672.
6. It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be willies!
7. The National Heart Foundation recommends eating willies at least three times a week!
8. Willies will often glow under UV light.
9. In their entire life, willies will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!
10. There are more than two hundred different kinds of willies!

22:13 / 10.11.06

1. The word 'samba' means 'to rub iamus'!

2. Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of iamus every year!

3. A lump of iamus the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.

4. Iamusology is the study of iamus.

5. In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become iamus on New Year's Day!

6. Over 46,000 pieces of iamus float on every square mile of ocean.

7. Iamus can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.

8. Iamus can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.

9. If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about iamus!

10. It's bad luck to put iamus on a bed.

Number two is perfectly correct, and most of that is done by cube.

I had to fight long and hard to make sure number five came to pass, but I was glad I did.

Number ten is reverse psychology.

22:14 / 10.11.06

Oh, and number eight has saved my life on more than one occasion.

22:38 / 10.11.06

8. Iamus can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.

Oh, and number eight has saved my life on more than one occasion.

Is that because: "11. Iamus can do complicated neuro-surgery using only it's tongue." ?