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The Patron Saint of Lost Things

 
 
Whisky Priestess
08:23 / 12.10.06
A bit of history first:

There are two Saint Anthonies in the Catholic religion. The second, Saint Anthony of Padua (Italy), lived from 1195-1231. Born in Portugal, he was a Franciscan monk and lived in Morocco before settling in Padua. He was known as an eloquent speaker. To most Catholics, he is the Patron Saint associated with the return of lost articles and missing persons.

Saint Anthony of Padua is usually depicted in a brown Franciscan robe, holding the infant Jesus in one hand and a lily in the other. Quechua Indian charm vials from Peru containing tiny blue-robed St. Anthony statuettes are carried for the return of a lost lover; they also always contain a piece of the coiled jungle vine called "vuelve vuelve" ("come back, come back" in Spanish).

St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Please come down
Something is lost
And can't be found


Dear St. Anthony

(May I call you Tony?)

This mornign on the tube I was hot, so I took off my cap and pashmina and put them at my feet, as I often do, on top of my bag. I was a bit dozy due to having had very little sleep recently and a 12-hour work day yesterday, and when I changed trains at Euston, I left those things behind.

I understand, St. Anthony, that you wouldn't bother with a cheap pashmina I can get on any stall (although it would be nice to have my genuine one back, the one that I left in a club in Norwich about 10 months ago ... any chance?) - but my cap, oh, my cap ...

It is a grey Kangol wool cap, peaked, just the right size for my head and undoubtedly my favourite article of clothing. I feel naked without it when I'm outside. I've had it for at least three years. I once got followed around Newcastle and offered £100 for it. I left it in a friend's room in Norwich and didn't get it back for a fortnight, and felt uneasy during the whole of that time. Me and that cap have got history, Tony, and I'd really like it back.

I'll do all the right things - go to Lost Property at Baker Street, fill in all the forms, burn candles in your honour or whatever - but please, please, can I have my cap back? I've lost a lot of things on the tube and have never got back a single one.

Yours in hope,

WP
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
08:28 / 12.10.06
St. Anthony vs. London Underground

There's a movie that really needs to be made.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
10:43 / 12.10.06
Dude, I'm sorry. If that's the cap I'm thinking of, it was lovely.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:18 / 12.10.06
THERE IS ONLY ONE CAP, ETERNAL AND INDIVISIBLE.
TO SPEAK OF OTHER CAPS IS HERETICAL FOLLY.

In other words, yes, that's the one.
 
 
Quantum
14:36 / 12.10.06


Dear Saint Ant*,
please help WP get The Cap back, it would be very nice,
thanks!
Quantum


*not to be confused with
 
 
grant
14:38 / 12.10.06
Wow. St. Anthony once helped me recover an Akubra hat from a post-Burning Man plane flight. I was a bit shaky for a few hours after I realized what I'd done, but all was returned.


Here:


Two of St. Anthony's things.
 
 
Shrug
05:30 / 18.10.06
Dear St. Anthony,

Over the last couple of days on possibly separate incidents I seem to have lost my house keys, college notes, phone charger and a bag of clothes. I didn't mind being locked out of my house for four days and my keys were eventually easily replaced nor did I mind the loss of college notes as my memory is good if not my concentration. However if you could see your way to helping my phone charger and items of clothing turn up, well, it'd be tip-top. I need to charge my phone immediately, so must buy one, possibly at the expense of one of the three birthdays I have this week.
Oh, go on!

Yours Sincerely,

Cat/Shrug
 
 
Whisky Priestess
09:14 / 19.10.06
Dear St. Anthony

Thank you for returning (or allowing to be found) the box of papers I left at Charing Cross. How ironic that it turned out not to be needed after all.

Any movement on the cap? I'll pop by Baker Street on the weekend, maybe, but they did say they'd call if they found it.

And also, could you possibly keep an eye on my office fridge? (Ref) It's just that I'm getting a bit hungry and I don't want to have to get a lockable fucking tuck-box or some shit. That would irretrievably damage my faith in humanity and probably also in you.

cheers dude

WP
 
 
Shrug
15:38 / 19.10.06
I found my charger.
Pow!
Take that Carelessness!
Biff!
In your face Goldfish Memory!
Smack!
Confusibility, I bring you pain!

P.S.

2 St Antknee,

Ta ur a gud M8.

xxx
 
 
Whisky Priestess
16:26 / 19.10.06
Well done Saint!

GO TONY
GO TONY
GO TONY

Go ... that extra mile and bring back my cap?
 
 
GogMickGog
08:32 / 20.10.06
Anthony, old chum,

any chance you could fish out those papers I need to take with me to the job centre? Without them I won't get paid and..um..I'd like that. A lot.

Now I'm not a religious man but hey, we're all his children, right? Gwan do de right ting. Please.

Nick/Mick
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
11:37 / 20.10.06
Would it be counterproductive to suggest that y'all are in a kinduva halfway place? If you're gonna ask San Antonio for intercession, why not go the whole way and offer him rum and gunpowder and maybe have wild sex.

I mean, way more fun than prayer, right?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
11:43 / 20.10.06
My God, that looks confusing. Just for clarity, there is no Nick-Nick/Mick connection.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
12:39 / 20.10.06
Nick, that wouldn't proper. You shouldn't ask a saint for rum and gunpowder and wild sex. I'm sure there is someone you could ask, but dunno who that would be....
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
12:43 / 20.10.06
I'm guessing the toss up is between Captain Jack Sparrow and Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
15:45 / 20.10.06
If the saint is cute, you should totally offer him or her rum and gunpowder for wild sex. However, that's entirely not where I was going. I was just kinda brung down by the good-clean-prayer aspect of all this. I was thinking... gosexyvoodoosaintbargainingandexcess!!!

So, you know. Offer up the rum (I totally just typed 'rim', which would be another way to go) and the gunpowder and then get nekkid and bad and do your pleading the excitative way, rather than the supine way. Although, you know. Not to knock supine in the right circumstances.

Yay!
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
16:00 / 20.10.06
Saint Sebastian is pretty foxy. For a half-naked boy impaled with arrows.

(waits for lightning)
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
16:45 / 20.10.06
Again, I have to say I think you're being too passive. Don't want for the lightning to strike your castle and reanimate his gorgeous dead body! Build a generator and have lab assistants and terrible rites and orgiastic parties with decadent nobles.

Oh, wait... you meant divine retribution, didn't you?

Ahem.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
16:52 / 20.10.06
Actually I like your method better, Nick.

Know where I can get faithful yet hideous assistants?
 
 
Ticker
16:55 / 20.10.06
For a half-naked boy impaled with arrows.

there's a Nick Cave song now haunting me about this.. oh yes o'malley's bar!

And I turned my gun on the bird-like Mr. Brookes

I thought of Saint Francis and his sparrows

And as I shot down the youthful Richardson

It was St. Sebastian I thought of, and his arrows
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
17:05 / 20.10.06


Delish.
 
  
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