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Fear of Success

  
 
ORA ORA ORA ORAAAA!!
03:09 / 09.10.06
It has come to my attention recently that I'm dead scared of living up to my potential. I constantly do things which I know are stupid and are going to cause me trouble in previously untroubled areas, and cannot explain why I do them. This isn't causing me any great problems, right now, but it does mean I'm not acting on opportunities which would stretch me a little, I'm not finding a new job to replace my current, very secure, but really uninspiring one, and really dumb things like not doing university work in areas I'm really interested in until after it's due, sending my marks from very respectable scores down to bare passes.

According to Freud, now that I've realised this neurosis, it should disappear in a puff of catharsis. But I've known about it for a long time and I still can't get out of it.

I have a feeling that this is a pretty common problem for people. Some of you may struggle with it. Some of you might have got over it, somehow.

I'm interested in the struggle, but I'm more interested in the somehow. How can you get rid of the fear of success?

The discussion could also broaden to other self-imposed insidious limitations, if you can think of any, and how to kill them.


Also, if this is in the wrong area, or is already covered (this is similar, but I think different enough, for instance), feel free to move/delete, modpeoples.
 
 
Seth
06:36 / 09.10.06
What would life be like if you were successful?

In as much specific detail as possible please.
 
 
korou
19:04 / 09.10.06
Living up to your full potential is a frightening thing.

For me, most of the fear comes from doubting myself. That I am incapable of achieving my full potential. That I am inadequate to live at my full potential.

To defeat this fear, conquer this doubt, I take many small steps. Small steps proving to myself that I am capable of achieving my full potential. Proving that I am worthy of my full potential.

Patience is a great boon in this quest.

That way, when I make mistakes, I won't just give up. I will be loving towards myself. I will learn from the mistake. I will keep taking small steps.

However many thousands and millions it will take to get there, it happens one step at a time.
 
 
Unconditional Love
19:56 / 09.10.06
Being true to yourself is the greatest success you can experience, everything else seems like lies by comparison.
Success is living by your own choices and your own will, no one elses but your own, your freedom your ability to choose is your success, exercise your will to be free to make successful choices that reflect your truthes.

Success can be measured by no one else but you, anyone else measureing your success sits in judgement by what they percieve to be there success, there truthes, you know what success is, nobody else can give it to you or tell you.
 
 
Queer Pirate
21:40 / 09.10.06
This is relevant to what I've been going through these days myself. Oddly enough, a comforting thought that came across my mind was "And if I choose myself as my own role model?" I find this train of thought soothing, somehow (yes, there are low self-esteem issues involved - I wonder if there's anybody who doesn't experience those).

Sometimes, we forget that we are capable of great things and have already done so in our lives. We are constantly exposed to our own flaws and we tend to forget that even the people we regard as "great" are flawed.

Also, I think living up to your full potential involves learning to deal with risk-taking. Achieving things that are out of the ordinary requires out-of-the-ordinary risk-taking. The risk may not be extreme and may be calculated, but it can be more than what we are used to handle comfortably.

Finally, I think it's important to acknowledge that you already have done great things. Self-improvement can easily become a delusional wild-goose chase if its hidden motivation is to escape the (false) perception that you haven't done anything worthy in your life.

Dix-Neuf's advice of visualizing yourself at full-potential strikes me as extremely relevant too, just to get a better grasp of what you are longing for. Just make sure you draw the line between fantasy and your sincere desires.
 
 
LykeX
08:47 / 10.10.06
And in that relation, I'll just pop in a link to Alchemically Braindamaged. Especially section 9 deals with this idea, but they all tie together, so start reading from the beginning.
 
 
--
10:48 / 10.10.06
I think part of the fear might come from the worry that, having achieved success and your dreams, one would find that it's not everything it's cracked up to be, or that maybe it wasn't what you expected. Still, better to try then not to try at all... An artist I admire describes himself as "Easily pleased, never satisfied." That's a motto I can attest to, as I often get bored with things very quickly. Still, it's seeking out new areas of interest that, well, make life interesting.

For example, I've wanted to write books for as long as I can remember. Yet I went through a very, very long period where I got no work done, at all. I was so obsessed with the idea of creating the perfect first novel that it crippled me into inaction. Eventually I came to the realization that if I didn't do something eventually, I never would. So I decided to abandon the majority of the distractions in my life, abandoned the occult, and devoted most of my attention to being a writer. This summer I finally finished a project that I deemed worthy of my (very high) standards, and I decided to self-publish it, not that I want to do that with every book I write, however. I also got a short story accepted in an anthology that's being edited by one of my top five favorite writers of all time, which has just left me gobsmacked. At long last, my writer dreams are beginning to unfurl, and I'm starting to make connections and get in touch with many interesting individuals. It's all very exciting...

So, I can't really think of any specific advice, other than to focus on your own dream to an obsessive extent and block out all distractions (well, except for things like work, of course). I felt a little bad putting aside magic after studying it and even trying it out a bit for so many years, but it's not like I was ever that good at it anyway, and maybe it was blocking me from achieving my true will (being a writer). Sometimes you need to "dump the fucking rubbish" (to quote one of my favorite Whitehouse songs).I'm not sure if I'll ever go back to being a magician... I'm having much more fun writing these days.
 
 
Haloquin
13:05 / 10.10.06
I'd possibly argue that "dumping the shit" and "stepping into your true will" is probably one of the most magical things you can do... just look at what that act of "magic" achieved! Yay for you! (those are genuine cheers btw, I'm almost jealous).

I'm generally of the opinion that magical work should be accompanied by plenty of psychological work, and they both are routes to a similar end. To work magic effectively it helps (IMO) to know exactly what you really want, and why you don't want something you think you should, what blocks are in the way... and magical tools/techniques can offer interesting ways of learning about your personal psychology, and possibly methods for dealing with it, at least partially. E.g. Sitting practice; the kind of meditation where you spend time sitting in silence with yourself, just watching whatever comes up, come up, without trying to change it, and seeing how it develops as you sit. what thoughts are connected, what patterns are repeated... until inspiration or interpretation reveals the issue clearly.

I'm in definate agreement that the best way round a fear of success is to go for it anyway, despite the fear. But thats easier said than done I guess. My main problem is less a fear of success, more a general tendancy for procrastination... although I'm yet to figure out exactly why I procrastinate. Should probably think about that... Maybe later

I'm wondering what has happened when you've been successful in something, anything, in the past. Is there a pattern here that means sticking to the familiar and (possibly never) reaching for anything else is better than the success?
 
 
Quantum
18:03 / 10.10.06
To rephrase the thread slightly, why do we self-sabotage? Most often because it's safer in terms of self esteem not to risk failure, so if we don't try, or deliberately avoid doing something we have an excuse for when we fail. Rather than trying your best and *then* failing, which is much more of a blow. 'Oh, I could have done better but I just couldn't be bothered'. Same reason people get 'Could try harder' on their school reports and underachieve through life, and coast along doing things below their ability and complain about being bored.
So what I'm saying is it's not fear of success it's fear of failure.
 
 
Ticker
19:01 / 10.10.06
when I was a teenager one of my pals was heavily into Castañeda.

Of all the things I learned listening to and occassionally reading these problematic works the concept of Greatness in Abeyance made the greatest impact.

the idea has been touched upon in this thread already but it outlined how our fear of becoming all that we are would leave us no room for excuses. We fear putting all of our effort forward and getting only mediocre results.

I have at several times in my life called myself on this and have managed to produce some amazing results. The condition of one's body as an example - so many people say "if only I was more fit I'd have better luck with relationships" when in fact they are afraid if they remove the excuse of being unfit the problem would be something much harder to work on if not impossible.

We fear doing all we can and putting all of our hopes on the line and still coming up short. Oddly I've never seen this really happen with the people including myself who have said "fuck it" and taken the chance.

It does take a certain form of stress to swing you free of the worry of making an ass of yourself. I remember reading a comic book on break from school and a murderer lugging a body down the stairs complaining how much his victim weighed. The amount was the same as what I weighed at the time and I felt horrible shame, which is a form of stress. I was afraid of trying to take care of myself and failing. Its one thing to just sort of end up a mess another to discover you can't be anything else. So I looked my Greatness in Abeyance in the eye and decided to act. It took about 6 months but through applying my will I reshaped my physical form to an ideal level. Now whenever I get off course a bit I know I can adjust it.

It was harder writing a book because I always putting off the 'great idea' waiting for a better one than the one to hand. Finally I made myself sit down and write the thing. Sure it's no Shibumi, but it's a good manuscript nonetheless.

The hardest was love. I always built escape clauses into my relationships some flaw in my selection that would allow me to unconsciously not take responsbility when it failed. The decision for an all or nothing love (which for me is marriage putting yourself in public and saying "I'm saying this one will work") came after I realized it was my ol' pal Greatness in Abeyance again. I used narrative magic to cleanse the blocks within myself that caused me to choose disadvantaged partners rather than my equal. Part of it was stress & being so tired of non equals that I was finally willing to do the extra work. Not that I was conscious of what was up before I started fixing the problems mind you.

The work comes as you try and align yourself to your desired outcome. When you take the time you can feel and discover the reasons parts of yourself oppose the goal. Maybe it's fear or because the goal is a false projection of someone else's goal you've adopted unknowingly. For each barrier you need to undertake the work required until you are completely aligned. You have to start with self honesty and kindness, being extra judgemental of yourself is not going to help while neither does being too lax.

It also helps if your goal is something you feel passionate about.
 
 
ORA ORA ORA ORAAAA!!
10:08 / 11.10.06
sorry for my lack of reply so far, my laptop died and I'm very limited in my net connection right at the moment. I'll come back and respond as soon as I can.
 
 
Unconditional Love
17:01 / 11.10.06
Can anyone comment on a phenomena i sometimes encounter that usually goes along these lines, complete faliure, totally giving up, then a reciving of something that is more valuable than the percieved success was, ie self knowledge. Its a form of success that usually reveals to me that what i was trying so desperately to get was a false desire, something that seemed to be the mark of success was in fact a social quality of what is commonly percieved as being successful, but what results in the loss of that oppertunity is profound self insight and realisation.

I dont wish to come across as seperating the secular from the social, what i am more driving at is the secular world is a great way to learn spiritual self knowledge, and occasionally to succeed unknowingly through failure.
 
 
Unconditional Love
01:33 / 12.10.06
That should read secular from spiritual.
 
 
Quantum
07:29 / 12.10.06
the secular world is a great way to learn spiritual self knowledge

Should that read 'spiritual world is a great way..' then? Feel free to edit your post.
xk, I'd forgotton that part of Castaneda, I might bump a few old threads on his stuff.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
03:26 / 14.10.06
I've been thinking about this question for a long time, almost my entire adult life. I'm a chronic self-sabotager. But my interpretation of what makes people self-sabotage is a little different than the problem of fearing you might not 'succeed', or that you don't actually have the chops. My feeling is that it comes down to not feeling that one deserves good things in life. I've just rad back, and I'm not sure this has been said quite explicitly. (Apologies if I missed someone saying this.) So even as you might be working towards a goal, your subconscious believes that you just don't deserve to feel good about yourself, or to reach your goal.

That makes it a little more complicated than just dealing with the fear, I think, or putting in the work. And I don't know that thinking of the problem in terms of, "I want to reach this goal, therefore I need to work magically towards this goal,' covers it, quite. You've got to convince yourself that you deserve good stuff. One of the hardest things for me is to believe that I am capable of directing my own life, and that I deserve to do so -- that no-one is going to come along and wash it all away (if that were to happen, there would be no point doing anything) or that no other person is ever going to know more than me what I need. Both of these things come down to developing a sense of strength/endurance and self-knowledge.

Yes, magic is all about intent, but there can be all kinds of intentions. If you do a working that focuses on self-love and accomplishing the feeling of 'deserving' love/success/happiness, or developing a sense of strength in yourself, you might find later (like Slackula said) that the universe has other ideas about the concrete outcome.

(The 'you' here could be anyone, but it's also a proxy for myself. This whole post is a bit of a reminder to myself to focus on what's important.)
 
 
Samael
21:40 / 18.10.06
It would seem that you are certainly not alone in such a fear of success, if it can be called that. I myself have similar issues at hand, in the magickal sense and in my adult lifetime. I wonder, is it truly a fear of success? After all, the potential for success is often a motivator, no? As a writer (not by profession...yet) I notice that my biggest problem seems to be lack of motivation, but in fairness, this could be a manifestation of a fear of success (or possibly a fear of NOT being successful as touched upon already). I write, but in moments of pure drive to, sometimes it's a paragraph, other times an entire chapter, and yet other times a mere sentence. What drives me past my own self touted ineptitude is that I refuse to give up. As one poster stated above, it may take a million of little steps, etc. The surest way to keep from success is to give up on whatever dream is in you, that dream being your full potential. Since one's potential is often framed by thier dreams and ambitions, and since one often dreams of the success they desire in fullfilling thier own potential, by not giving up on that dream one can achieve all of the above and more. Never give up, and success will find its way to you and you to it.

One more slip of paper for this fortune cookie of a posting site.

Apologies for rambling and run-ons.
 
 
rakker
16:50 / 19.10.06
I just quit the drone job in the tabloid that I've been hanging on to for 1,5 years. Taking all my cash and heading for South-America to try to live off freelancing for as long as possible. Feels pretty good to be in charge of my life.
 
 
Princess
17:44 / 19.10.06
Rakker, you rock.
 
 
The Prince of All Lies
02:06 / 21.10.06
Good for you, Rakker! If you're ever in Argentina, PM me and I'll buy you a beer.
 
 
rakker
12:35 / 21.10.06
That's funny, Buenos Aires is my first stop.
 
  
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