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Jobs and that

  
 
All Acting Regiment
16:25 / 04.09.06
So, I'm at University, I need a job. I get given money by the government and (which makes me lucky) from the folks. I don't deserve any of this given money: I'm not disabled, I can get around town easily enough, and obviously I've got a decent education.

Yet, for some reason, I find it very hard to get a job.

Or, to be less obtuse, I have had one proper job at a shop which I fucked up at because, no matter how hard I tried, things like talking to the other staff and being nice to customers, and actually going in and wanting to work there, just weren't forthcoming. Why not? They were nice enough, one of them was around my age, it's not like they were running unethical practices or anything.

The "captain"- the reasonable part of me- wanted to work and be responsible and all that but the "crew" wouldn't listen. All attempts to talk to people sounded strained, I'd knock things over by accident and get struck by inexplicable bouts of stuttering and indecision. I got fired, and walked home wondering if I was "Actually Autistic", something which I'm often accused of by despairing family members, or just biologically lazy.

Now, I go into places to hand in CVs and, again, similar things are happening. I know, logically, that all I've got to do is be forward and look people in the eye when I ask, but for some reason all it takes is a sneer from some twat with a cool hairstyle (who, logically, I do not give a shit about) to make me think there's no point applying at all, because I'll fuck up again, and so I hand in my CV with a mutter and, lo and behold, they don't ring up, and here am I worrying about a particular encounter when it was months, years ago.

Everywhere I go, I seem to mould the situation into one that's bad for me. If I got to a cool young people's clothes or record shop, I feel like an old fart, yet if I apply to an art gallery or bookshop I feel like a young idiot. If I apply to a supermarket I feel as though I have pretensions of cleverness.

I want to join an agency but I'm stopped by this very visually detailed paranoic premonition of being stuck working at football stadium with people I do not know or like and trying to talk to them about football when I hate it, and serving drinks to people and not knowing what different drinks are, and them not paying me and walking off because I've got glasses- all of which is purely fictional, but somehow has the power to stop me applying to places when, over the summer, I should be blitzing the town with my actually rather good CV.

I can't afford to go out, either with friends or on (LOL) dates, or buy new clothes, and as I'm sure you're aware that's a vicious cycle, and one that constantly astounds me: it literally feels as though, when I need to do something productive, I keep getting posessed by the spirit of Gareth from The Office.

Needless to say this is causing some bother at home, to the extent where last time I saw the folks, a large hole was punched into my door and a plate was smashed, both in the heat of argument. I can really do without this- and I mean that. Logically, and all, I could walk into somewhere tomorrow and get a job, but t'ain't happening.

Does anyone have any idea why this might be?
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
16:46 / 04.09.06
I'm crap with the larger-issue life situation stuff, so here's a few thoughts from the more mundane sphere:

First, it sounds like you're focusing exclusively on retail, which is often the default reaction of people in school because they see lots of other students in shops and waiting restaurants and get into the mental trap of thinking "this is what students do for part-time work."

Maybe you're just not a retail guy. Lots of people aren't. If you're into low-interaction work, check out warehouses and stockroom jobs. Lots of peace and quiet, good routine work that leaves the mind free to think of other things. Good pay, too, if you can find the right fit.

You also seem like a good writer and thoughtful person, and if your university/school has a large ESL population, there's money to be made being helpful as an essay editor/proofreader. This may already be a service your school provides for free, though. It varies.

Third... it sounds like it's ESTABLISHING yourself in a place that's the problem, so start putting the screws to your friends to find you a job where they work. Maybe if you were in a place where you already knew some friendly faces, you'd hit a groove quickly.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
17:13 / 04.09.06
You're suffering from the job nerves. I too have those and the only thing that's going to make you feel better is actually having a job and being alright at it. How do you feel about pubs and bars? I worked in a chain club while I was at university (the pay was a bit less than other work but better than a pub). It totally screwed my sleep patterns but they employed me instantly even though I was a stuttering idiot in my interview because I was getting a degree and they employed students. It was a lot of fun, drunk men were always giving me their phone numbers (I never rang them but finding new ways to shoot them down without seeming ruthless was always good to do) and we used to dance on crates behind the bar when it was quiet. I was also good at it, quick, which was surprising. I highly recommend it because you might have some fun, make some friends and you don't have to be hugely polite and subservient, which is what people usually want from shop-work. If it gets boring in a pub you chat to the locals about their pets, children or on a bad day politics (they call you a champagne socialist, you arch your eyebrows etc.), if it gets boring in a club you bust a move etc etc. Also you're young, vital, happenin', you don't want to sell people consumer products, you want to sell them happy juice.

That is all.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
18:41 / 04.09.06
Thanks a lot for yer advice. Warehouses and pubs both sound like a good place to look, but hmm, that ESL option sounds particulalry promising. You folk may have just opened a door, methinks.
 
 
stabbystabby
22:08 / 04.09.06
yer, i worked in a stationery warehouse for six months while studying. a bit dusty at times, but no customers to deal with. no staff to deal with either, most of the time....
 
 
ibis the being
23:13 / 04.09.06
Everywhere I go, I seem to mould the situation into one that's bad for me.

This seems to be the key right here. In my experience, it can difficult sometimes to sort out where "bad circumstances" leave off and "bad attitude" begins. It's easy to get into a vicious cycle where you're not in the right situation for you, so you feel bad about yourself, so you stay in bad situations and feel bad about your inability to make it better and then when a good opportunity does come your way you have a self-defeating attitude that turns it to shit. Particularly in your early-mid 20s or so when you really aren't sure what you want to do, that's a easy trap to fall into.

I can only speak to what I have done to get myself out of such a hole.... In my early-mid 20s I found all attempts to fit into corporate life made my feelings of inferiority mushroom. I always felt ill dressed, ill groomed, stupid & young, and like you said also too old and unhip to do kid stuff anymore. Part of that is definitely just the age, transitioning out of adolesence (maybe a little late). But it was more than that - I felt like a poseur, like if I were "found out" to be the fraud that I felt I was it would all fall apart.

Everything changed for me when I stepped out of the world of slacks and into canvas pants to do blue collar work. It's part of my personality and unique bundle of issues to still feel inferior and immature at times, but it's nothing like the suffocation of my old ill-fitting office life. I feel comfortable in my skin and in my job, and I even have moments of personal glory from time to time.

It sounds like social interaction and "selling" don't work for you as a career - that was true for me too. I still have to deal with people at select times in my new career, but most of my work is solitary and material-oriented, rather than people-oriented, and that suits me far better. I say, think hard on a time and place that you felt most comfortable, and how you could turn that into an employment situation.
 
  
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