Thanks for starting this - I've been wanting to discuss it, but I do find some of the child-free online communities somewhat hardcore. I understand the need to vent, but I'm a sensitive flower.
One thing I hadn't thought of much but I was amused to note in xk's account is that even though I don't want to have/raise children, I'm sometimes taken aback by the reasons for people's acceptance. Bless my sainted mother, but when she said 'Oh, we'd given up on you...' in weary tones, I would almost have preferred 'But you have to pass on your genius! And would be a splendid parent! Conceive forthwith!'
I've never wanted children. Oddly, in my first serious relationship, I hadn't pinned it down with such certainty. Neither had my partner. Since then, I've become definitely anti-, and he pro-, which is another reason to be glad we parted and can be fulfilled in different ways.
Since then, checking with any potential partner whether they wanted children has been one of the most risky conversations of the relationship. It's less negotiable, for me, than most other aspect of the relationship I can think of.
With random other people, there's often such a weight of expectation that it can be very hard to be heard, even. It's become hilarious.
(This may involve what some people may feel are unfair insults to kids - I'm still working out whether it's unjust of me to pigeonhole children, and will happily go into it at greater length, but you want to skip it.)
I have conversations in which I say: I have no real empathy with children, or patience, and I tend to find their company less interesting than that of adults, and don't really get excited about the work they're doing to learn how to be people, and often find that process a bit unsettling.
And someone will reply: 'But you'd make a great mother!'
I think this is because saying (to a woman particularly) 'you'd be a terrible parent' is a huge insult. So even when all the indications are that someone wouldn't be much cop at childrearing, if they're a nice female person, they must be potentially 'a good mother'.
Also, recently I've had: 'But you'll feel differently about your own...' Why? Will they be able to fly, or sing motifs from the music of the spheres? I'm sure I would feel differently about my own, but I don't think that's a good reason to produce them.
Anyway, to conclude the ramble, I'm hoping to get the essure procedure when it's available in the UK (currently only in Birmingham). It's sterilisation without an external incision. I'm rather interested in the process of obtaining that (I imagine by the time it's around, I'll be accepted as a sufficiently mature candidate - I'm 30 at the moment).
Also, I'd like to see how it would affect how I read my own gender. It's effectively taking myself out of one of the biggest bits that help determine the sex/gender system. I have no idea if that would have any psychological effects.
Thanks to everyone who's already posted. |
