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Tag TV

  
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
18:39 / 23.08.06
(Mod's: I did run a search but couldn't find an old thread, but if this has been done before here...Well, you know what to do...)

Inspired by TV satire and comedy shows like 'The Two Ronnies', 'Time Trumpet' (and many others), I thought we could have a fantasy TV thread: with quick clips of news programs, documentaries, Sci-fi shows, weather forecasts, etc -- just basically flicking between fantasy TV items of our choice in the TV register of each member's choosing.


The RULES are as follows (bear with me):

1) You ONLY add a reply when chosen by the previous poster. This is to help stop crossed signals.

2) You MUST frame your post in a recognisable TV stylee, e.g. You may exploit TV formats, celebrities or fantasy characters of any kind to do this, etc (but be careful of libel). And remember, how you choose to spin your clip from what someone has left you is only a small part of the challenge. You can bend the rules of time and space and television as much as you want...within reason.

3) You HAVE to start where the previous contributor finishes off. But you can "flip" channels to and from another recognisable TV format, at any point during your turn. The short-hand notation for a flip in channels is *Click*, but you may choose another, if you prefer, of course.

4) When you finish your post, at the end you HAVE TO NAME the next member / contributor who you think might be active, willing, and prepared to hold the TV conch (and put their name in bold, for ease of spotting). Also, try not to make it too difficult for the next contributor you choose to go next. And of course, NO using this thread for hate or snidey digs at other members either, OK? You should also NICELY PM (/prompt) your chosen successor to tell them they're "on" within 24 hrs. If this person doesn't want to play, that's cool, and we'll just wait till their allotted time is up.

5) Between each instalment there is a maximum allotted waiting time of 24 Barbelith hours. Although the signal may get blocked for longer, of course, the limit is still always 24hrs before someone (sadly) misses their turn. If they don't pipe up or aint around in time and someone has to stand in for them. The next spot is then up for grabs, accordingly. Although you might want to watch out for cross posts to keep the signal clear, and when you choose who follows you, try and make double sure it's someone who's pretty active at that time; i.e. what's on the Barbelith TV Network at the mo?


And, who knows, eh? Maybe this is an old and crap idea already? Maybe we'll make it into a board game, go on Dragon's Den and make millions for charity? Maybe this thread will grow to be the seed of a scathing satire on modern media, history, and humanity; or just become a silly sideways look at the absurdities of Life?

So, right then, I'll start... with my next post...
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
18:50 / 23.08.06
We open with Big Ben Bell-type bells and a brass section, accompanied by flashy graphics and flashes of topical News images.... You know, the basic crappy media samples that TV likes to use at the beginning of almost every News episode to imply some sense of impending doom or importance?

The fancy graphics and news stills disapear and we fade smoothly to the studio as the music ends with aplomb. The studio lights go up to reveal a man and a woman sitting at a fancy desk, still talking to each other, casually.


Man: ...yeah, apparently ze likes to-oh! Our main headlines today,..

*Dong!*

Man: Big rumblings in the White House as the world awaits the outcome of a potentially explosive press conference regarding an alleged greed and sleaze cover-up scandal.

*Dong!*

Woman: In Britain, tabloid newspaper says it also has evidence that the British Prime Minister is connected to this breaking US scandal.

*Dong!*

Man: And Big Brother legend Sir Peter Bennett announces he intends to stand as the next in line to the throne of England. Does anybody dare stand in his way?

*Dong-Dong-Dong Dong Dong!*

Woman: And so to our main headline tonight. According to a an apparent White House leek, a high ranking, American politician has been filmed in a compromising position, with many US newspapers rumoured to be in a fierce background bidding war over the alleged footage. President Bush, himself, is due to speak to an eagerly anticipated Press Conference, to address allegations which will appear in many of tomorrow's newspapers.

Man: So, let's go straight to our special live correspondent in Washington to hear the latest. xk, what are the latest developments where you are?...
 
 
Ticker
19:34 / 23.08.06
xk: Hi Ron, I'm outside of the White House and as you can see behind me, things are really heating up. Two more helicoptors have arrived....

*CLICK*

child on a seesaw: No silly you sit down on it....

Lizard Hamster Monster: Buh?

child: sit on the end there...

LHM: Wheee!

*CLICK*

B/W Film Vixen: No, I didn't love him. I never loved him.

B/W Squinty Eyed Private Dick: That's what you say with your lips, but your eyes tell a different story, sister. You loved him and you couldn't have him. It made you crazy, didn't it? Seeing him every day with her, talking, laughing, kissing....

FV: Stop it! *sob*

*CLICK*

Goth teenager: poke it with a stick, Saturn's Nod.
 
 
Saturn's nod
18:46 / 24.08.06
Woman's voice: one-two-three, one-two, one-two, one-two-three!

An experimental jazz five-piece break into the hot new tune, 'Poke it with a stick'

*Click*

Here is the studio of a panel show, you can see the 'Philosophy Today' logo high on the wall to the right of screen

Anchor: '... that analytical philosophy's insights are worthless without the contribution of academic feminism?'

Man: 'Yes, that's the summary. We're finding that analysis of the traditional material of Philosophy: ontology, epistemology, ethics and so on seems useless without taking into account questions of situatedness, power dynamics, embodiment, voice, and the way those are affected by the nested hierarchies of race, class, and gender - in short, those matters which have been the most crucial contributions of academic feminist philosophy to all areas of critical thought.'
[caption $name, editor-in-chief of academic journal 'Analytical Philosophy Today']

Anchor: Thankyou. Now I want to ask Professor ...

*Click*

Opening titles, 'Bookstorm': thousands of paperback books are blowing up and across the screen, to the music of the last movement of Prokofiev's second piano concerto

Anchor: Hi, and welcome to 'Bookstorm'. This week we're hearing from the fabulous individual known as Mister Disco, ...

[Apologies to everyone else I PM'd to try to get them to agree in advance about being tagged. Seems I've developed some overenthusiasm in the direction of joyful fullsome informed consent discussions, or something.]
 
 
Saturn's nod
19:45 / 25.08.06
*sssssssssss*
You're seeing the grey screen of no input.

[Who's next up on Barbelith-TV? Any volunteers? First to post gets to pick it up, in the absence of PW]
 
 
charrellz
20:10 / 25.08.06
*ssssssssssssssssssssWRHEEEEEEEEEEECRONKCRONK
CRONKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

Annoying Pop Icon: And that was Merzbow's video for his new hit, Cannibalism Of Machine. Stay tuned for a look into the lives of whiny overpriviliged rich people, right here on MTV.

*Click*

Two people sitting aross from each other at a table in an empty room, utter silence. A timer at the bottom of the screen reads 2:35:17 and counting.

Announcer 1: That foot twitch may cost him in the long run, but we'll have to see how he plays this one.

Announcer 2: Yes, we saw in the semi-finals that he really plays for the long game.

Announcer 1: Professional Staring Matches can be a very grueling event for the competitors, but I'm sure they'll hold up here on ESPN 53. Why, just last week we had a--

Announcer 2: Wait wait wait. I think we may have had a blink down there. Here's judge Keggers for a ruling.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
05:48 / 04.09.06
!!!!!!!!!FZZZZZWAAHHHHFISSSSSSSSsssss.........


BOB, from the 'The Church of the SubGenius' smiles at us like Max Headroom, with lots of hypnotic and spangly shit going on in the background.

BOB: "And remember everybody... Ambiguity lures KO!"

We here a DRUM ROLL and SYMBOL CRASH! Then canned laughter and applause.


*CLICK*


A shadowy figure stands in a window with hir back to the fourth wall. On the other side of the window-pane, beyond hir the sky is cyan but angry looking clouds gather on the horizon, like a fleet of moody and dark nightmares.

We hear a voice, a narrator, a croaky non-specific voice, man or women, young or old, we can't tell. Is it the voice of the shadowy figure standing before the window?

VOICE: "I want to create something, damn it!... Something good, something that will help all that is out there, using all that I have leftin here, while there's still time! I have no money and every morning the bailiff's knock echoes from my future like a warning knell. The apocolypse is comin'. But still I need to create something. I want to...


*CLICK*


We see two good looking teenagers sitting on a patchwork quilted bed, the kind of teenagers which live on or near creeks, or in dales or villes, but who are young and brave enough to still falsely believe they are completely "in the loop" culturally and, of course, socially up to date. We know right away they're clever, witty, attractive yet troubled and insecure.

Today their freakily handsome faces look very glum indeed.

TEEN NUMBER ONE is ranting, virtually on the edge of tears, or is ze acting? The other (better looking) teen is visibly more patient, quiet, and reserved; silent as though waiting for the right time to say something wise and well beyond hir years:

TEEN NUMBER ONE: "I just don't get it.... Why won't the right words come?... Why can't it be like a Josh Whedon program, or a Woody Allen film?... You know, witty dialogue and self assured, hyper-witty, phenomenally cultured and sexy; but with lots of sincere love and romance and heartbreak and forgiveness?... Where's the freekin' lesson in all this emptyness, eh?..."

The other teen sighs and shakes hir head.

TEEN NUMBER ONE (continues): "I know, I know... 'Life isn't supposed to be like TV'. But isn't fiction supposed to be about life?... I've seen the Truman Show, Fight Club, 1984, The Matrix,... I've read Philip K.Dick!... I've seen, sniffed, tasted, read, felt, and created lots of things... I've worked my fucking ass off! .. But.... but.... I..... I mean... What if, eh?.... WHAT IF?!..... Sorry,....Sorry... I must sound like a crazy person... I'm... I'm just going to have a lie down now and catch some sleep.... Yeah, that's what I'll do... Ganesh. please, tell everyone, I love them all and I'll see them real soon, yeah?... I didn't mean no harm, dudes... My ego gets in the way... It's ALL my fault... It.... I...You... I... I-I just need to rest and... And...
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
21:20 / 05.09.06
and...and....

(CLICK!)

INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT-TIME.

We see what would usually be a nice and warm family environment, except today there's something wrong. There are technicians of some kind with machines, monitors and and a rainbow of cables hooked up to the family TV. There are others with clipboards, wearing spectacles on the end of their noses, looking pensive or busying themselves with other cool stuff.

But despite what anyone's doing, or should be doing, or pretending to be doing, it's obvious that everyone is focused on the TV: the technicians, the bureaucrats, and, more importantly, a soft and gentle faced person dressed in black and sitting only a few feet away from the TV screen. There are tear stains on hir face.

The TV screen shows us nothing but a fuzz of black and white static, tinged with flashes of brilliant colour.

GENTLE FACED PERSON: Come on baby, talk to me... I'm here baby... Can you hear me... I love you... I've always loved you... Speak to me baby...please?....

Eventually we hear an eeirie voice from within the TV. A haunting, childlike moan and whine...

TV VOICE: ...Is that you?....I can't see you.....I'm so scared.....It's horrible out there, but it's getting worse in here......Is that you?....I can't see you..... Help me?...Please....Won't somebody come and play with me?....Why won't anybody play nice with me?....What?....Eh?....What does this button do?....


(CLICK!)


!!!!!!!!!FZZZZZWAAHHHHFISSSSSSSSsssss.........


We see a fuzz of black and white static, tinged with flashes of colour, on top of which bold and simple graphics flash on and off, on and off, on and off:


END TRANSMISSION? YES / NO
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
13:10 / 08.09.06
(CLICK!)


We see two lab mice. One of them, BWANE, is quite small but has a big head and a pensive look on hir face; the other, THINKY, is tall, has big Googly eyes like a stoned child, hir tongue is handing out, ze's dribbling, and occasionally ze suddenly looks around the room as if an invisible someone close-by were tickling hir with a funny feather.


BWANE: Hmm.... Are you think what I'm thinking, Thinky?

THINKY: I dow know Bwayne... Do yoo wanna put on da appy shoos an do da sillee danz?


(CLICK!)


We see a horrid and yet grotesquely comicable green mask filling the screen. It''s so horrible and funny it can't be described in words, and even thinking about it can make a scriptwriter's stomach churn.

We pan back...

Slowly, we see the mask is being worn by a soft, cuddly cartoon looking baby, who is sitting on a director's chair. In one of hir little podgy cutesy-wutesy hands is a huge Havana cigar, lit and sending fat ribbons of smoke up into the atmosphere.

BABY (middle-aged, loud, gruff, Lou Hirsch-like voice): Hey uze. Yeah, uze. Wazzup ,eh? Why you no luv da Baby anymore? Dog nammit! Is it cuza my mask? I'll take it off... If I can trust you.. if you like.. err.... Maybe we cud ahhh, you know, go for a coiffee and errr, you know, kick back, relax, have a little night-life, a little boogie, an'errr.... Who knowz?.... Maybe I showz you my baby face? Eh?...


We slowly pan out and and simultaneously track away from the masked baby in hir director's chair...


BABY: Oi! Hey! C'mon! Giv a baby a break, will ya? Sheesh... [*swipes air with little, cigar holding hand and looks upset*]... Ah well... Uze know where ta find me,.... toots....*voice gets panicked as camera moves of hir* Hey, wait!... I wuz kiddin....cum back! I need lovin'!...I wanna play.... I neeeeeed yooooo!...."

The Baby starts crying as he disapears "stage-left", and we hear horrible and yet sad howls and sobs coming from off-screen, as loads of cameras, cables, and other cool "how everyone makes TV" stuff float into view...


(CLICK!)
 
  
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