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The Fight Thread!

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paranoidwriter waves hello

17:11 / 02.09.06

Try flinging what? Is the whistle broke? Don't tell me the whistle's broke!

Oh, "trifling"... Yeah, I see what you mean.

Wanna fight anyway? Go on...

Our Lady Has Left the Building

19:36 / 02.09.06

< grapples with paranoid writer in the manner of Saturday afternoon ITV wrestling >

paranoidwriter waves hello

19:57 / 02.09.06

Thats more like it.

PILEDRIVE!

"Don't put on the coffee, we're not finished yet!"

BODY SLAM!

"Whatcha gonna do brother, when HULKAMANIA DESTROY'S YOU!"

20:02 / 02.09.06

Hmmm.

*tries to imagine 'Women In Love' with Oliver Reed and Alan Bates. Possibly with baby oil*

20:04 / 02.09.06

< grapples with paranoid writer in the manner of Saturday afternoon ITV wrestling >

Now I've got the horn.

And we won't even start to think about Bear. Please don't make me think about Bear or all the fight will go straight out of me and be replaced by unquestioning submission.

paranoidwriter waves hello

20:07 / 02.09.06

There's always room for a few more, Ganesh and Xoc... The oil's on the floor behind you...

BEAR HUG!

"Whatcha gonna do?!"

20:31 / 02.09.06

yeah, but is that a bear hug from a half-hearted bear?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:38 / 02.09.06

Barbelith's gone all topsy-turvy. The flirting thread's gone all fighty and the fighting thread's got all sheksheh...

I'm scared to even look in Games and Gameplay for fear my boss'll be there with instructions on how to do my job...

paranoidwriter waves hello

20:40 / 02.09.06

Hmm... Maybe.... Sounds a bit pacifistic... Hmm... "half-hearted", you say?... Well, I suppose, if you say so..

CLAW-PUNCH, TWIST, SNATCH!

I'll take yours as well; just in case!

COME ON! LET'S HAVE IT!

paranoidwriter waves hello

20:42 / 02.09.06

Damn it, Stoat... Why? WHY!?... I... I saw red... You got in the way.. I cross-posted...didn't see you... and...and...

It wasn't supposed to end like this....

23:00 / 02.09.06

All this beary talk is making me fightyhott...

Tryphena Absent

23:05 / 02.09.06

You all suck at fighting.

23:06 / 02.09.06

Square go, then, y'fucker.

23:06 / 02.09.06

THEM'S FIGHTIN WORDS!!!

paranoidwriter waves hello

23:17 / 02.09.06

You all suck at fighting.

You're right. We need a fight training thread. The Dojo Thread, or something. We need to learn how to wield our weapons wisely.

"Wax on, wax of..."

*bows and stands*

Nadezhda Krupskaya , you can be my Sensei anytime.

*ducks*

What? I didn't mean anything weird...Right then...

*clicks knuckles*

COME ON!

23:22 / 02.09.06

paranoidwriter waves hello

23:30 / 02.09.06

"Very good class"

paranoidwriter waves hello

23:33 / 02.09.06

Erm...So when do we learn to fight?...

I want to "boot to the head" as well.

07:51 / 03.09.06

Here, a video from the champs, that might help you wannabe fightclubbers get your act together.

paranoidwriter waves hello

00:45 / 04.09.06

I don't care how many Smiths are cloned, with my paper and pen skills I'll cover every one of them with MY "word".

*Adopts fighting pose; and beckons all comers with flip of hir origami hand*

"What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are, know you are. Come on. Stop trying to hit me and hit me."

paranoidwriter waves hello

01:17 / 04.09.06

*p.w sits in the desert wasteland of the Fight Thread, with no-one left to battle but hir own demons. Ze sits and crosses hir legs, closes hir eyes, blanks out the sound of the Scorpion Winds ravaging hir bruised, scratched, and scorched body; and slowly, gradually, a wise voice enters hir mind and becomes real once more...*

"...Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend..."

*p.w opens hir eyes and stands up...*

"Right then, anyone fancy a drink?*

01:32 / 04.09.06

Well if it's any consolation dude, I think that you should be banned ...

paranoidwriter waves hello

01:33 / 04.09.06

FOOT TO THE HEAD!

"I think I need the loo..."

*

05:28 / 04.09.06

So, true story:

I was at a workshop on Malaysian Silat by a fairly famous teacher of the art, who happened to be guru of my guru— sort of my grand-guru if you will. He was a little old man in the classic little old man tradition of little old men who are masters of martial arts, and we students quickly got wrapped up in his mystique. This fellow was hardcore— silat is not some gentle "forgive your enemies and subdue them so that they are neither physically nor emotionally hurt" martial art as some schools teach aikido (although I have hella respect for aikido and particularly that enlightened strain, as it happens). In silat typically you assume that you will always be fighting many attackers armed with knives.

So, we were all quite impressed by this little old man, whom I will call "Guru Bill." We had a break for lunch, and Sifu and one of Guru Bill's main students were discussing where we might go to eat. Guru Bill quietly slipped outside and began examining something on the concrete sidewalk right in front of the door. My practice partner and I looked at each other and decided to follow him out. We stood watching him as he crouched (making himself seem even smaller than he had seemed before) and flicked at something on the sidewalk. The object of his fascination was two ants, locked in combat with one another. My partner and I got very excited, thinking maybe we would get a new animal form out of this or else some exciting piece of exotic wisdom. Guru Bill looked up, noticed us standing there, looked back down at the ants...

...and then savagely pulverized them into the concrete sidewalk with his fist.

"Fighting is wrong," he informed us calmly.

This is how I feel about Barbelith right now.

paranoidwriter waves hello

14:01 / 04.09.06

id, that's one of best stories / anecdotes I've read in ages (sincerely). I absolutely loved that on many levels (although I hope you're not feeling too squished or squish-happy or squeemish, or just bad in any way...).

By the way: I just remembered, the whistle and the conch don't actually work anymore. We have entered a new dawn. According to ye olde wiki, if we want to get the attention of our Lord and Saviour, The Mighty Denfield, we all have to take his name in vein whilst singing the ancient and powerful hymn, "Dunnfeld (We Love You)".

For newcomers and those with bad memories, there's an incorrect copy of the "original" lyrics, here for you to change, and you can hear a snippet of how the tune goes, here.

Right then.

*Taps wand on music stand*

Come on everybody, we will call forth the Saviour and lo! Denfield will come... For it is written...er...somewhere around here....

Or else, we FIGHT!

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