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For fuck's sake

 
 
lentil
13:48 / 05.03.02
I'm currently in a temping job, which is going to become a permanent part-time job very soon. all good. except, we've just had an email through saying that i have to fill out a 'suitability' questionnaire, and..... TAKE A FUCKING DRUGS TEST!!

This is all at the request of some US megacorp who have recently taken my employers over. I'm quite worried about this, marijuana stays in the system for a long time, yes? don't know when the test will be, but i took e and coke on the weekend too. how can i get around it? i need to procure some child's urine, methinks.
 
 
Bear
13:52 / 05.03.02
There's so many stories about ways to get things out of your system, but I heard that you can go to the doctors and get kits that flush out all toxins from your system, not sure if this is true or not though...someone else might know?
 
 
sleazenation
14:00 / 05.03.02
Of course you could simply refuse to take the drugs suitibility/test. I mean, you've al;ready done the job - they know if you are suitable or not.

I suppose it all comes down to how much you want full time as opposed to temp work...
 
 
invisible_al
14:02 / 05.03.02
Well if they're doing a hair test you're screwed unless you want to shave your head. Apparently its an indicator of everything you've taken for about 90 days previous to the test.

Urine tests only work if you've taken drugs within 2-3 days. Drink a few pints of water or fruit juice every day and it should flush stuff from your system.

I'd say stop taking stuff now and don't bother with any of the stuff that says it can help with this sort of stuff. Water or Fruit juice is just as good, so I read, and fiddling with you urine sample if caught would get you fired for sure.

Once you find out what test they're using you could do some more research. Anyone got any up to date links on this as I can't find any recent stuff?
 
 
Ganesh
14:04 / 05.03.02
quote:Originally posted by bear - 11:
There's so many stories about ways to get things out of your system, but I heard that you can go to the doctors and get kits that flush out all toxins from your system, not sure if this is true or not though...someone else might know?


Basically, no. Unless you've handy access to a dialysis machine, you can't really make your kidneys work much faster. Best fake it.
 
 
Re-Set
14:13 / 05.03.02
Lentil, how much/often do you smoke mariujana? There are several ways to get by drug tests, based on your time frame. Basically, the only sure-fire way to get it out is time. Depending on your metabolism, THC will stay in your system between 3-30 days. Time doesn't seem to be a luxury. The right combination of exercise/diet/water can produce "false negatives", if done right. Ibuprofen and Aspirin can produce false positives, as can some herbs.

I've beaten this kind of test, and helped a few others. PM me if you'd like, we can work out a schedule for you.

Also, cocaine stays in the system no more than 2-3 days. E is a little different, as ecstasy these days is rarely MDMA, but a cocktail of other chemicals. Still, most employment-based drug thests don't cover those chemicals.
 
 
w1rebaby
14:43 / 05.03.02
Bear in mind that the labs who do these tests for the employers are generally rubbish. False positives can be up to 20%.

I would refuse any drugs test, and I don't even take drugs. It implies that they won't be a good company to work for if they feel they can't tell when drug use is impairing somebody's work.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
14:55 / 05.03.02
Hmm. Isn't there something in the book of rules which says they can't enforce this sort of thing? European human rights convention and whatall?
 
 
Re-Set
15:29 / 05.03.02
I'm not sure what the UK laws are regarding marijuana, but if it was a US Megacorp that is enforcing it, it may not matter.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
15:48 / 05.03.02
I got the impression that while the company was owned by a US megacorp, the actual workplace was in the UK. Did I get the wrong end of the stick again?
 
 
Re-Set
15:58 / 05.03.02
I got the same impression, but I would think that the company policy of the US megacorp would outweigh the privacy laws where the employee would actually be working. Not necessarily in a legal sense, but in an employment sense. As in, "OK, don't take the test. You're not hired."
 
 
lentil
09:54 / 06.03.02
thanks guys.
yeah, i work in the uk, sorry if that wasn't made clear. i think cheating it would be the way forward, surely refusing to take it would look just as bad as getting a negative reaction. What a shitter though! A no - brainer job that i do purely as a means to support my <embarrassed cough> art career, which my manager (who's got nothing to do with the whole test thing - these orders have come from above) has no problem with, and i'm forced into a situation that implies that all the other parts of my life should be concerned with achieving some dubious notion of *productivity*. i do want to keep it though, because if i take a permanent job, i'll be able to go part-time at the same salary i'm currently getting for full-time work (those damn agencies!)

Floats With Spider - I smoke maybe an eighth a week, that's 3.5 grams if you're in the US. thanks for the offer; I'll probably PM you tomorrow, right now i've got to the hit the hay.

or the dialysis machine.

[ 06-03-2002: Message edited by: Me Called Lentil ]
 
 
grant
09:54 / 06.03.02
So you want to beat the test?

There, one of the best databases on the subject. this subpage is just a list of links to companies who appear to sell clean urine.

If you'd really like to kaibosh the test, even temporarily, I'd explain to them that you take goldenseal for health reasons (funny, it just came up in another thread...) and work the "false positive" angle as much as possible.

I also get a kick out of this approach - which may well work better in the UK than here (or may not):
quote:Hi Y'all! I just pulled this off of alt.privacy, and this guy seems to have
a good approach to company drug testing. Even if you end up peeing for
them like a good boy or girl, this is a way you can make them THINK about
what they're doing, without appearing to be filthy lowlife drug-using scum.

If they're going to turn this once-great country into an armed camp full of
nosy, distrustful pee-sniffers, let's at least make 'em WORK for it!

> I'm a computer consultant and have successfully fought the drug test question
> by reverse intimidation. I start asking questions that "they" aren't prepared
> to answer.
>
> - What is the name and address of the lab that will perform the test ?
>
> - EXACTY what test or tests are to be used ?
>
> - For each test performed, list the type and quantity of specimens required ?
>
> - For each test performed, list the percentages for false positive and false
> negative results.
>
> - Provide statistical justification for these percentages.
>
> - In the case of a false positive, what are the established procedures for
> retesting ?
>
> - How many times will retesting be permitted ?
>
> - What is the established procedures for resolving consistant false positive
> results ?
>
> - What facility is going to extract the specimen(s) ?
>
> - How much of each type of specimen is going to be extracted ?
>
> - Are the lab and the blood extraction facility bonded ?
>
> - What company carries their malpractice insurance and what are their policy
> numbers ?
>
> - EXACTLY what information will be release from the lab to the employer ?
>
> - It is required that all results be forwarded to me.
>
> - The employer is required to pay all costs involved, including those if
> retesting is required.
>
> By this time, any reasonable person will be thinking that maybe drug testing
> isn't something in which they want to become involved.
>
> I've thought of having a lawyer (or myself) prepare a "Request for Drug Test"
> form in proper legalese. Along with a paragraph swearing, under penalty of
> perjury that all information is complete and correct. So far, that hasn't
> been necessary.


Anyway, the FAQ linked above is where it's at.

- g
 
 
lentil
09:54 / 06.03.02
Thanks for the link grant, most useful. i feel a little better about it, as i have a high tolerance and am skinny with a fast metabolism. don't know when the test will be though, so i'm unsure as to whether to break out the running shoes.
 
 
lentil
09:33 / 09.04.02
just in case anybody's interested, my sample came back from the lab yesterday, and it was clean. Baked Lentil is back on the menu, oh yes.

The whole thing has been a ridiculous rigmarole, and although I'm probably going to take the job (provided there's nothing too dubious in the contract) I'm going to keep looking for something else. The fact that someone in HR in the US company was concerned that "some of the views expressed in [my] personality profile are too liberal" is the kind of thing that would have made a stronger man than myself quit right then and there. As it is, I'm just going to have to get something else asap, or wait until they bust a random drug test on me and then fire me anyway.

Thanks to everyone who chipped in with advice when i started this thread (special cups of tea for grant and FWS)
 
 
gozer the destructor
09:48 / 09.04.02
My mate whose a nurse reckons up to 36 days max, but in reference to an earlier thing about ibuprofin as a false positive-it comes up as smack doesn't it?
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
09:52 / 09.04.02
'Too liberal'?

Because the serried ranks of part-time and temp liberal workers will shatter the foundations of the corporation? Or act as a fifth column of decadent and perverse liberal values, eating into the heart of capitalism?
 
 
lentil
10:43 / 09.04.02
disgusting, isn't it. Never mind the fact that what i actually do is in no way affected by any opinions i may hold, nor will i ever have any dealings with UCS in my day to day activities.

I'd like to think of myself as a potential fifth column, but the truth is there's no opportunity for destroying the system from the inside at this job. although it does give me barbelith time.

Gozer - funny you should mention that, I actually did have a false positive for opiates, which is why it got sent to a lab in the first place.
 
  
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