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Celebrity TV cooks who should be 'taken out of the game'

 
 
Alex's Grandma
22:22 / 25.07.06
There's bound to have been a thread about this before, about what, say, Rick Stein (allegedly) likes to do in the local cemetary with a handful of squid, or the insane dreams that Anthony WT must go through again and again, nightly, in a bid to rediscover something that isn't easily put into words.

Jamie Oliver doesn't have anyone's best interests at heart - he doesn't really care about the children, he's simply been told to pretend that he's concerned about Turkey Twizzlers; Nigel Slater is a man who has all kinds of terrible emotional problems; I imagine he routinely drizzles olive oil onto his fist, and then goes at it hard with a series of maggots; Nigella Lawson is a very cool and beautiful lady, and Gordon Ramsey ... well I suppose we all love Gordon, don't we?


Discuss.
 
 
Char Aina
22:38 / 25.07.06
i would be undisturbed by the death of gordon ramsay.
that's not to say i wish him dead, no.
well, not really.

i would probably raise a jaded and slightly smug eyebrow if he got murdered horribly by a pack of hooded youths brandishing kitchen knives and tenderisers, though.

it's not that i enjoy violence.
well, not so much.
i just hate bullies of his stripe and enjoy the comeuppance narrative to an unhealthy degree.
i'm totally fine with most people living longer than they deserve (honestly, some of my best friends should be sent to the narrow house before closing time).

jamie oliver's death wouldnt raise a chuckle, for example. he, for all he is an ire factory, has done some nice things, and i'm sure he'd buy me a can of tennents if i was homeless and alcoholic.


ramsay?
well, i doubt it.
that anal leakage would proabably fucking kick me in the fucking bollocks, the fucking wanker.

he is edgy, though.
dear god, how very fucking edgy.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:44 / 25.07.06
Ramsay should be beaten to death by vegetarians.

Hang on a minute...

...I'm a vegetarian, aren't I?

Ramsay should be beaten to death by me.
 
 
Char Aina
22:46 / 25.07.06
wear a hood and carry a meat tenderiser, would you?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:50 / 25.07.06
I reckon I could do that.
 
 
Char Aina
22:51 / 25.07.06
awesome.
now all we need is a gang of you.

got any mates?
 
 
Char Aina
22:54 / 25.07.06
oh, and on nigella's show...
i'm with charlie brooker
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:21 / 25.07.06
got any mates? What sort of question's that? Of course I have.

Mind you, not as many as I'll have once I'm famous for killing Gordon Ramsay.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
01:22 / 26.07.06
Indeed.

Sign me up for the Ramsay-tenderising.

Can we make him into soup? I know plenty of veggies who'd make an exception for Soup de Ramsey.
 
 
Baz Auckland
11:49 / 26.07.06
I have to ask... what do these people do aside from having cooking shows on TV? I'm not saying they shouldn't be killed or whatnot, I'm just curious as to why....
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:54 / 26.07.06
Well, Ramsay certainly needs to die.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
13:09 / 26.07.06
I have to ask... what do these people do aside from having cooking shows on TV? I'm not saying they shouldn't be killed or whatnot, I'm just curious as to why....

Well the above link aside (in which Gordon's behaviour is pathetic, really - would he find it quite such a wizard wheeze if somebody put, say, a dose of LSD, or perhaps a large shot of human waste in his pizza? I'm not sure if he would,) Ramsay's antics in general are arguably pernicious. Anyone misguided enough to appear on his show is probably asking for trouble, but I do wonder how many people in management positions in everyday life have seen Gordon in action, cussing his staff in that way that he does, and then returned to the office with a new set of ideas about how to treat the temps, secretaries, etc. One would be too many.

Ramsay's problem is that he's an aggressive, mindless thug for the cameras. Whether or not he's 'actually like that' seems a bit beside the point - What he stands for is a deeply tiring set of values whereby it's ok to be vile to just about anybody, unless they're more important and successful than you are, on the basis that 'that's just the way it is.' That it's all right to lash out like a five year old child about, what, incorrectly chopped onions, about nothing, in other words. It seems pretty much standard, in terms of reasonable behaviour, to suppose that individuals in positions of authority should be able to control their mood swings, but Gordon's career is essentially two cocked fingers to that idea. He's doing very well, he's even feted for being a nightmare, and people are watching. It would be a bit much to blame Ramsay for the invasion of Iraq, I suppose, but before he came along, the only public spokesman for that sort of bullish, idiotic machismo was Jeremy Clarkson, who nobody takes seriously. Ramsay, on the other hand, is 'a player,' with a certain amount of influence.

So that's why he should be hung, drawn and quartered. As for the rest of them, Lawson, Slater, etc ... well it seems a bit ridiculous to complain about people being over-rewarded these days, but cooking isn't exactly rocket science either. The recipes are fine, possibly, they are what they are, but the implied life lessons about the best way to be seem, coming from the likes of Oliver (actually Oliver's ghost-writer,) profoundly irritating.

And I dare say I sound like a lunatic for saying all this. But it's not me that's crazy, it's them, it's Harriott, it's Fearnley-Wittingstall, it's ... well I've forgotten his name, but that clot with a flat-top. It's him most especially.

It's Rhodes.
 
 
Quantum
13:26 / 26.07.06
Add me to the Deadly Vegetarian Assassination Squad, Gordon's gonna get his genitals grated.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
13:26 / 26.07.06
Two words:

Emeril Lagasse.

That muppet used to be a good cook--I ate at his restaurants a good deal when I lived in New Orleans and always found them exceptional--and then Food Network has put him everywhere, so much that I've heard he pretty much no longer oversees his own empire. He's more interested in getting his face out there, so much that I want to vomit.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:27 / 26.07.06
Ramsay has also said a lot of rubbish and bollocks and nonsense about how disgraceful it is that women these days cannot cook, because they are all busy earning more money than men and riding horses but not side-saddle or whatever. BACK TO THE KITCHEN, SILLY GIRLS!

Barbelith seemed to like Jamie Oliver last time I checked (scientifically).
 
 
Alex's Grandma
13:38 / 26.07.06
Dude, there were only eleven replies in that thread - I'm not sure if it's representative.

I suppose Oliver is doing his best for the children, but then again, Adolf Hitler, for all the minus points, did get the trains running on time.

(Not that I'm comparing Jamie Oliver to ... etc)
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
14:04 / 26.07.06
I go back and forth about how I feel about Jamie Oliver. One moment, I'm like, "Yeah, he's all right," and the next, I'm, "I can't understand a fucking word you're saying."

I'm gathering from this thread that the UK is seemingly as celebrity chef-obsessed as the US is.
 
  
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