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Today while at an asda check out, while buying ingredients for curry i had a series of what i consider personal revelations. It was focused on race and identity, I was standing in the que waiting to pay and felt an atmosphere for want of a better word, as if there was an uncomfortableness around me and in me. i felt as if something were being directed at the area i was in, a negative intent, perhaps a hostile intent is a better description so i looked around me and saw one guy in particular focusing on a black guy in front of me in the cue. I decided this guy was projecting at this guy because he was black.
I am aware enough to see that this could well be my own racism i grew up with as a child creating a scenario around me to present itself.
As i continued to stand there and play my percieved energy games with mr hostile, i started to hit a train of thought, a voice that explanied to me that even mr hostiles projections were a part of the all, the one, god, the way, so if i wished to deal with this in a more creative manner i could turn mr hostiles projections into the essence of the all. So standing there waiting for the women in front to pay for a few dresses for her daughter i started this process, to my surprise mr hostiles head and eyes started to reach for the table and i continued to transmute this internationalist energy and project it as a cone from the top of my head, the feelings around me and inside of me became lighter.
This could well be me dealing with my own latent racism from childhood by projecting and then reintegrating.
At this point another voice chimed in and started to discuss how self identity and ego create these problems by clinging to self image and identity, the labels themselves being a problem because thay can in and of themselves create a sense of opposition, it went on to explain that this is why certain systems place a value on ego transcendence and a realisation of the all, and to percieve all beings as parts of the all.
It was then i started packing my shopping, entering my pin and all that jazz, i usually feel confrontational while doing this, and didnt feel that way at all.
I can see how this could all be a head game i was playing with myself, but then i started to question that, without those factors in my environment and me at that time in that place that wouldnt of occured to me, so i dismiss that its totally all in my head but still dont think it was all an external energy game either, I am beginning to think it was all of the above.
On the way home i engaged with the environment again, a storm has been brewing since early this morning, when her waters broke all i could see was a giant storm goddess pissing all over me, what a refreshing way to carry home shopping. |
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