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They beat me up in the Purple Horse.

  
 
Murray Hamhandler
03:09 / 11.07.06
Guys, I just got totally mashed in the back room of the Purple Horse. I've been going there for years and never had any troubles. But I think that new owner (the guy with the cape who's always eating Tums) had it in for me from day one. I mean...I teased him about the cape a couple times since he's been around, but I was just messing with him. Y'know? But let's be honest: that thing looks really, really stupid. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. What guy in his late 60s wears a powder blue suit and a cape every single day? I just figured he knew that he looked like a total jackass.

But I guess he's real sensitive about it or something. So I was just hanging out, doing my usual monday night thing. Having fun with the strippers, y'know? Sometimes I'll just get up on stage and dance around, havin' a good old time. It's my thing, y'know? That's how everyone knows me. Well, I guess I had maybe a few too many beers tonight or something because I thought maybe it'd be fun to let Mr. Peterson out and, y'know, pee on everybody near the stage. Which I've done before and I don't remember it being that big of a deal. But I guess that new owner was feeling prickly about me sneaking up behind him earlier and lighting his cape fringe on fire. Or something. Next thing I know, he says something to one of the bouncers and then the bouncers rushed the stage and dragged me in the back.

Now, those guys have always been real solid, stand up guys to me in the past. They're real troopers whenever I joke around about them about how dumb they are or just shout "DUUUUHHHHH!!!" at them or whatever. I always figured they got a kick out of my "regular guy" humor. So of course I think it's real weird when they start whaling on me and they're smiling like they're having a real good time doing it. It was pretty scary, to be honest.

So they pulverized me for a good hour or so. I think it was that long, but I don't know for sure because I was passed out in blood most of the time. Then they threw me in the street and I think I was laying there for another couple of hours or something. I think I forgot for a minute that I got beat up in the Purple Horse, because when I came to I went back in. And I think they maybe flattened me again. I can't remember for sure. Everything after that and up to a couple of minutes ago is a blur.

Anyway. Don't go to the Purple Horse no more. They're apparently all about beating people up for pretty much no reason at all now. Stupid Purple Horse.
 
 
astrojax69
05:24 / 11.07.06
bad horse. no biscuit.


what about hospital? did you try there? sounds like you might be well served there...
 
 
Mourne Kransky
07:12 / 11.07.06
I hope that, at least, your underwear was clean.
 
 
Sax
07:59 / 11.07.06


Don't go to the purple horse.
 
 
Quantum
09:01 / 11.07.06
I thought maybe it'd be fun to let Mr. Peterson out and, y'know, pee on everybody near the stage.

And the bouncers beat you up? Wow, how astonishing. If you were in my town the bouncers wouldn't have got near you for the pee-drenched customers smacking the shit out of you.

So, in the end, was it fun to let Mr Peterson out?
 
 
Evil Scientist
09:03 / 11.07.06
I think your only possible action is to return to said gin joint. Only this time wear a huge false moustache and a cape, complement the owner on his snazzy cape and tell him your life changed when you started wearing capes. Then tut at the state of the carpet and start cleaning it.

Yes! The old "That fella last night was my evil duplicate! I spent all night at the Orange Badger Christian coffee shop!" gambit.

Science demands you try! Science also demands you go down swinging!
 
 
■
11:55 / 11.07.06
Now you see that bit where he's taking the piss? It's still going on, I'll wager.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:58 / 11.07.06
How soon they forget. Did Flux sacrifice himself to save Barbelith from the Russian Mob in vain?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:11 / 11.07.06
I certainly thought we'd all learned our lesson about the Purple Horse. I mean, we got Dave Matthews to play and everything. Don't tell me we invoked the Davester in vain?
 
 
penitentvandal
11:10 / 12.07.06
Okay, I have looked on the Wiki and found nothing. WTF = 'the Purple Horse'?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:13 / 12.07.06
Behold! A saga.
 
 
penitentvandal
11:25 / 12.07.06
Thanks, Fly.

Y'know, I've just discovered something really amazing, and it's this - you can search just about any thread on Barbelith and you can guarantee that, if the thread reaches a certain critical length, sooner or later it will involve Haus having an argument with someone. It's like an Iron Law of Barbelith*.

*A slightly more flexible law of Barbelith is that around 40% of that time, that someone will be Dead Megatron, and the word 'semantics' will occur a minimum of five times in the first three posts of the argument.
 
 
Dead Megatron
11:44 / 12.07.06
Semantics, semantics, semantics, semantics. Now all we need is Haus, and it's fulfilled.

Funny thing, I never ever mentioned semantics in an argument. I mentioned rHetorics once, though...

But, let me see if I got this righ: you made fun of the owner, called the bouncers stupid, got up on stage, peed on the patrons (or the patrons's seats, at least) while highly drunk, and you did it all more than once, all that in a strip joint, and you were surprised you got beat up?

Now, that's pure comedy to me.

Regardless, I hope you were not seriously injured.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:45 / 12.07.06
Yeah, but the unique thing about going back to 2003 is that you can find people arguing with each other who nowadays are perceived to be some kind of Unified Fighting Force...
 
 
electric monk
11:51 / 12.07.06
The superheros ALWAYS beat the crap out of each other AT FIRST. Then they realize they should be working TOGETHER, and team up to defeat the WORLD-SHAKING MENACE. It's only right and natural.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:55 / 12.07.06
OH NOES! If you say "semantics" three times in a row, semantics comes through the mirror and kills you.
 
 
Dead Megatron
11:57 / 12.07.06
Really? I better get out of here then, before it's too...AARRRGHH!

(and Barbelith lived in peace ever after...)
 
 
Quantum
12:00 / 12.07.06
I foresee DM and Haus joining together in the future like a big gundam robot then. Why am I thinking of Midnighter & Apollo and Moonlighting at the same time? That's just wrong, stoppit brane!
 
 
Evil Scientist
12:12 / 12.07.06
More like "48 Hours" but without the endless racism.
 
 
Dead Megatron
12:43 / 12.07.06
Yeah, that would make a good action/comedy movie: me and Haus fighting bad guys around town, all the while beating the crap out of each other. (can I be Bruce Willis with superpowers in a leather outfit and cracking mysanthropic jokes?). Shadowsax can play the villain...
 
  
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