Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Sexual Abuse and Sexual Therapy.

Page: 1(2)

22:45 / 02.07.06

Who's to say what the 'aim of sex' is in every instance. People have sex for all sorts of reasons. I expect that many people have relationships that they consider to be therapeutic ones, that involve sex.

Some therapeutic relationships probably shouldn't involve sex, but that's not to say that none of them can.

foolish fat finger

22:53 / 02.07.06

no, in my opinion, none of them can. if you want sex, go see someone who can offer you sex. if you want therapy, go see someone who can give you therapy.

to reiterate, sex can be healing. therapy cannot be sexual. it oversteps the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship.

23:00 / 02.07.06

Well it might overstep a boundary with your marriage guidance counselor, but your assertion that 'sex can be therapy' sits oddly with your parallel assertion that 'therapy cannot be sexual'.

23:18 / 02.07.06

if you want sex, go see someone who can offer you sex. if you want therapy, go see someone who can give you therapy.

This sounds like I should have a prostitute and a therapist instead of someone special to share my life with.

00:41 / 03.07.06

It maybe helpful to remember that the term 'sex' encompasses a wide range of activities, and the definations (and context) vary from person to person.

If for the sake of a simplified example we say it is a consensual interaction of giving and receiving pleasure, surely there is room for such an interaction to happen for the purpose of therapy?

If a person is unable to process a traumatic experience alone it is not unreasonable for them to seek out skilled aid to do so. In fact it maybe more beneficial for the person seeking healing to work with someone they trust and who is ethical but are not in a relationship/partnership with.

As we seek objective guidence in other matters, why not seek it for this issue?

There is a great deal of negative projection aimed at sex workers because people assume sex should not be outside of an intimate established relationship if it is to be healthy. However some traumatic experience is inappropriate to explore with someone who does not have training and proper perspective. While the invested partner will have some interaction with this dimension of their beloved's holistic self, they need not be obligated to be the only healer of the trauma. It is a matter of personal choice.

Sex can be an art form, an expression of love, an entertainment, an act of reproduction, a friendly sport, and IMHO most certainly therapy.

04:12 / 03.07.06

FFF: If you say that therapy cannot (which I read as should not ) be sexual, where do you stand on the following scenario?

I once worked with individuals with DD and one young man, early twenties, was autistic. He could not express himself well and was starting to exhibit a lot of aggressive behaviors towards the staff and himself. This was out of character. None of us knew what was going on with V.

Until, one day, a staff member did a room check and figured it out. V. had never learned to masturbate and was experiencing incredible sexual frustration. I imagine it was magnified by his inability to express himself as well as extremely limited personal insight.

A therapist actually taught him to masturbate and V. did it appropriately. He was so much happier after he learned.

I think there are situations that fall outside of the MSW cognitive therapy realm.

I understand your concerns, fff, but sometimes healing takes place in unconventional and unexpected ways. I think that's part of the beauty of being the individuals we are and honoring each other's process.

04:53 / 03.07.06

so, foolish, what's your take on sexual surrogates?

08:18 / 03.07.06

FFF, I totally agree. As soon as sex is part of a patient-therapist relationship we are dealing with dynamics and energies that will create more dependency and less autonomy for the patient.

08:28 / 03.07.06

As far as sexual surrogate partners are concerned - this job has been invented exactly to avoid a sexual exchange between therapist and client. The surrogates I know are carefully trained, smart and skillfull women who under the supervision of a therapist/psychiatrist. Most clients are men with erectile dysfunction and other sexual issues that can be resolved with learning new techniques and behaviours. It is rather rare that a surrogate partner works with clients with childhood abuse issues or severe sexual trauma.
In Switzerland and some other countries surrogates also work with handicapped men (especialls Downs Syndrome patients) who like to be sexual but have little chance to find a partner. These services are covered by some insurances.

foolish fat finger

08:53 / 03.07.06

ok, the point I am making- a therapist, like a doctor or a teacher, is a professional, with a code of conduct that forbids certain relationships with a client. if they have sex with a client, they can be legally barred from practising, and indeed I have known this to happen.

of course, there are certain types of therapist where sex is written into the contract. I don't know hardly anything about this type of work, and from my understanding, it was not the focus of the discussion when I first posted about therapists, which was about specifically a healing therapy, without sex written into the contract.
however, I would place sex surrogates in the category of sex being therapeutic. and just to be clear, I think the work they do is sterling.

back to psychotherapists-
I am not being fascistic about therapist/client relationships, I am simply pointing out that it is legally forbidden. I have seen people who have been caught up in sexual relationships by an exploitative therapist. It adds to the pain that an already vulnerable client is feeling. I am surprised I have had to justify my point actually. To me, it is as obvious to say a therapist should not have sex with his client, as to say a teacher should not sleep with their pupil. why? because it's exploitative, it's unprofessional, and it's against the law. again, let me stress, I am talking about psychotherapists, of whom sex therapists are a sub-category, and not sex surrogates, which is an entirely different ball-game.

sorry I ain't answered your Q, retro, I am questioned out! briefly, I don't see a problem with it.
I agree with you here
sometimes healing takes place in unconventional and unexpected ways. I think that's part of the beauty of being the individuals we are and honoring each other's process.

foolish fat finger

09:22 / 03.07.06

I mean, personally speaking, if I went to see a psychotherapist, male or female, and while I am talking about some kind of childhood abuse they put their hand on my leg without my permission, or say something like ‘you know you have the most gorgeous eyes’- well, I’m outa there. It’s fucked up.

At best, it’s inappropriate. At worst it’s abusive.

I maybe got a bit wound up at some point, trying to make my point here. I think that that may be because I still carry some anger against one therapist I saw in the past.

The thing that bugs me most, is that they can fuck you up, subtly, by overstepping the boundaries of the relationship, or by refusing to believe elements of what you are saying, AND YOU ARE PAYING THEM FOR IT. That is what bothers me. A lot of people will give you a hard time in life, but at least you don’t have to hand them thirty quid at the end of it… fuckers…

Scuse my language… venting…

Anyway, that is why I am adamant about the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship. If sex is in the contract, that is fine. If it isn’t, if it is forbidden, it stays out, ok?

Incidentally, I am very happy with the person-centred counsellor I am currently seeing. She is professional, caring, and just a lovely person…

Page: 1(2)