Two threads in one day, that's a record for me. In fact, that might double the number of threads I've started in the past five years.
Anyways, in a short while, I will be walking into a buzzsaw. One of the romantic kind. Today I will tell a girl that I love her and that she'll either be the future or the past. If I were a gambling man, I'd put the odds at 99% that she doesn't feel the same way about me. Regardless, I know that I no longer have a choice in the matter. Everything has to be put on the table if I'm to move on in one way or the other. It's a funny feeling, to know that in an hour or so that I'm likely going to be metaphorically punched in the face. In fact, I'll probably wish that I had been punched instead of the blow to the heart that I will likely receive.
I know it's odd that I'm posting this at Barbelith, where nobody knows anything about me. My reasons are two-fold: A)I'm scared shitless
B)The only way for me to handle it right now is to treat it as an interesting position to be in from a detached point of view.
This is the only girl I have ever loved and it will most likely be painful. Gut-wrenchingly, whiskey-drinkingly painful. I do not expect any sympathy at Barbelith because I have rarely given any. Treat this as you will, as an interesting insight into the life of the occasional poster or a humorous excercise in romantic futility.
I'm too far gone. To turn back at this point will put me at a worse point than I already am. I will return with the results, be they positive or negative. Wish me luck. |
