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Arrgh.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:04 / 20.03.02

Right. I'm still up, I can't sleep, and for reasons I don't wish to go into I could do with some serious cheering up.

(BTW: If you want to post six pages on Why I Should Be Grateful I'm Even Alive, please do it somewhere else. I'm not stupid, I'm not ignorant, and I read the newspapers. I just need some mindless fun, 'kay? I'd do the same for you.)

Edited to elucidate- It's one of those That Ex things. Everyone's got a That Ex, and I've just tripped over a bulletin board that my That Ex is running. No, I didn't post, no, the That Ex doesn't know I was there, but like I say: arrgh.

[ 20-03-2002: Message edited by: Mordant C@rnival ]

The Puck

00:13 / 20.03.02

A man walks into a bar and he has a orange for head, the bar quite naturally cant belive his eyes and asks the man to explain, the man, being qiute used to this, does
"well" he says
"i was walking along a beach and i found a bottle that inevatbly contained a genie, who in keeping with convention gave me three wishes. my first wish was that i had all the money in the world and i got it"
"what about your head?" asks the impatiant barman
"im coming to that" the man replys
"then" he continues
"i asked for all the women in the world and i got them too"
"yes but what about your head?" the rapscallian of a bar stewred agaian asks
"well" the man creshendos
"for my third wish i wished that i had an orange for a head"
.
.
.
.
.
.
ill get my coat

The Puck

00:15 / 20.03.02

or try theweekly.co.uk it makes me giggle like a high schoolgirl

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:42 / 20.03.02

LOL! Thanx, Puck. "As you slide down the bannisters of Life, may all the splinters be pointing the right way."

The Puck

00:52 / 20.03.02

No probs insomniacs united will never be divided or caught off guard

enough

04:32 / 20.03.02

It's the first day for a cranky old substiute teacher.
The teacher adresses the class and says " Children, everyday we will have a pop quiz.Now, how many grains of sand are in the sahara desert?"
When no children could answer, she said "Thank you, see you tomorrow..."
The next day. she asked the class " How many drops of water in the Atlantic ocean?"
When no children could answer, she said "Thank you, see you tomorrow..."
Billy thought of a way to beat her. Her found two ping pong balls and proceeded to paint them black.
The next day, the teacher was about to ask the question when Billy threw them to the front of the class.
"Okay," The teacher said,obviously miffed, " Who is the comedian with the two black balls?"
Billy said "Bill Cosby ma'am! Thank you, see you tomorrow!"

Da da dum.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

06:20 / 20.03.02

You're probably asleep by now, but if you still need cheering up, then this joke probably won't do the trick.

A chicken walks into a post office and asks "have you got any corn?"
The guy behind the counter says "no, this is a post office". The chicken leaves.
The next day, the chicken's back. "Got any corn?"
Guy behind counter: "No, this is a post office. (sigh)" The chicken leaves.
Next day, guess who's back? "Got any corn?"
The guy behind the counter loses his rag. "NO! WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY FUCKING CORN!!! IF YOU COME IN HERE ONCE MORE ASKING FOR CORN I'LL NAIL YOUR FUCKING BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!!" The chicken, unsurprisingly enough, leaves.
Next day, it's the chicken again. "Got any nails?"
"No. This is a post office, goddamnit."
"Ok. Got any corn?"

I think I should go and walk the dog now.

Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?

06:26 / 20.03.02

A man walked into a pub.

Ouch.

It was an iron pub.

HAHAHAHHA
AHHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHA

I see dead people.

Socially.

higuita

06:51 / 20.03.02

I heard a really good joke on Terry Wogan yesterday morning.

Surely that's got to make you feel better.

The Planet of Sound

06:51 / 20.03.02

A sheep walks into a baa...?

Read this out: IMTDSNINVU...

and this:
http://www.framleyexaminer.com

is sporadically amusing.

There. Happy now?

Lost in CyberSpace

06:51 / 20.03.02

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard, a satisfied smile on its
face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Sax

10:30 / 20.03.02

Go on, then, while I'm here...

Why should you never wear underpants made in Russia?

Chernobyl fallout!

Ta-daaa!

The Puck

11:10 / 20.03.02

What do you call a french sandle wearer?

Philipe Philope

alas

13:35 / 20.03.02

mord@ant: That Darn Ex!

... I have no stupid jokes, but I'm making my best stupid face at the screen--you know, the one that always gets a giggle from my nieces and nephews.

Cheers, and good karma coming your way--
alas.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

13:41 / 20.03.02

Thanx guys! For this you all get mega good vibes, andthis. I seem to remember posting it before, but it's worth another look. (Needs speakers and comes with a work warning. Rated U.)

I need some new .swfs to play with.

[ 20-03-2002: Message edited by: Mordant C@rnival ]

bitchiekittie

14:12 / 20.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Puck:
What do you call a french sandle wearer?

Philipe Philope

theres something very seriously wrong with me because I thought this was funny

laugh at my pain, mordant!

sleazenation

14:29 / 20.03.02

visualize mordent surrounded by bridget jones-like SWFs... i give it 3 minutes before genocide ensues

Less searchable M0rd4nt

14:30 / 20.03.02

Not that kind of SWF, sleaze- this kind.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:05 / 20.03.02

...Or this kind.

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

15:23 / 20.03.02

Puck, the orange-for-a-head joke is a classic. I'ts one of my all-time favourite jokes of all time. It motivated me to tell this following joke. I've come to the firm conclusion that this joke is not merely a source of amusement, but an important psychological test. People fall into two distinct categories when told this joke: those who feel it's the best thing ever, and those who find it spectacularly annoying. Never trust the second set of people, for they are bad people....

And now the joke.
What do an apple, an orange, and a banana all have in common?
None of them can drive a tractor.

The Monkey

15:32 / 20.03.02

Next time you feel down, Mord, or pretty much anyone, head out and find this chop-socky film called "Buddhist Fist."

No, I'm not making this up...it's a real film, made eons ago. If the title alone doesn't have you rolling on the floor, then actually watch it. It's such a strange, silly movie.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

15:36 / 20.03.02

The Parking Lot is Full guys are my gods.
Rather Good is home to the Buffy Swearing Keyboard as well as rude things about Mick Fucking Hucknell and Bill Oddie
X-Entertainment, for all those of us who have wondered why Man-at-Arms was always so crap in He-Man yet Skeletor was crapper, and where Chetara's nipples were in that all-nude first episode of Thundercats.
Have you forgotten Pokey the Penguin?
The Rockall Times, it's the British Onion!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:18 / 20.03.02

That Pong thing fucking rules, MC... kind of makes our jokes look a bit poo.
But as far as poo jokes goes...

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Poke 'im on.

Nah. Me neither.

Bill Posters

16:27 / 20.03.02

I am not to be held responsible for this one okay? I am trying to help, that's all.

I say I say I say, did you know clubbers in Yorkshire have taken to injecting MDMA directly into the mouth?

All together now.............

E by Gum!

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