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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

A Completely Necessary Appreciation Thread For Cable Television

04:53 / 05.06.06

Highlights

1. Link TV: Mainly for Democracy Now! and a few random specials that pop up occasionally here and there. Sometimes a bit dragging but at least I don't feel too bad about wasting my life away on the couch because I "learn something." Of course, "learning something" involves me realizing that I should really get out of the house more often...

2. Sue Johanson on Oxygen: My first exposure to this woman was during a commercial preview for one of her shows and she was simulating how to give oral sex by putting some sort of protective rubber over her mouth, opening her mouth and swirling her tongue on the rubber. Mildy disturbing but needless to say I was sold.

3. Real Sex on HBO: If ever I am to find myself with a child. I need not give them sex talk so long as I have copies of this show on hand.

4. Degrassi: TNG: I watched the new season and was completely flabbergasted to find Liberty pregnant with JD's child, Paige a lesbian, and Emma a slut! Oh, and Kevin Smith, Jay from Jay and Silent Bob (name escapes me) and Alanis Morrisette all in the same episode? WHAT! WHAT! THAT SHIT IS NUTS!

I omitted ones that I felt were too obvious (i.e. Six Feet Under, Sopranos, Nip/Tuck, etc. even though I felt that Big Love was a big disappointment)

Have I missed anything?

05:14 / 05.06.06

There should seriously be another thread dedicated to the studs and babes on cable. Limited but certainly not restricted to Stephen Colbert, Mark Hertsgaard (Am I the only one thats reminded of Keanu Reeves?), Anderson Cooper and uh, the blond wife of one of the doctors on Nip/Tuck. Paige's girlfriend on Degrassi. For some reason, I can recall the names of the males in a millisecond but when it comes to females, I only remember them as "that pretty girl on that show." Surely this must be symptomatic of... something.

07:46 / 05.06.06

When I first got access to cable TV in the UK I was expecting a land of milk and honey, or at least channels that as good as the five terrestrial channels.

I was actually quite shocked when I saw quite how crap the vast majority of cable TV was. Most of the channels don't even have enough content or the will to broadcast 24 hours a day - they have longer and more frequent adbreaks and concentrate their output on showing either imported TV shows or programmes that have already been commissioned and broadcast by the terrestrial 5.

The terrestrial 5 stations show a rich diversity of genres of quality programming, while the majority of cable broadcasters have narrowed their field of interest to one specific genre and then fail to serve that genre particularly well.

Ironically the cable stations that I think work best are channels spun out of the existing terrestrial broadcasters... particularly BBCNews24...

So, yeah - cable TV you promise so much but deliver so little. 3/10, must try harder...

14:00 / 05.06.06

I got a deal on the premium channels when we had the cable first installed in our apartment, and I was amazed at how little was actually on HBO, Starz, etc. I too was expecting milk and honey and instead got bottled water and corn syrup. Really, how many times can you show Van Helsing and Spider-Man 2 in the span of a week?

Also, Talk Sex with Sue is standard Sunday night viewing in our house. My roommates and I used to have a drinking game based around frequently recurring questions and Sue's odd quirks (take a drink every time someone calls to ask if swallowing ejaculate is "okay" and if it makes your teeth whiter, every time she says "feces, ca-ca, poo-poo," every time she suggests referring to your significant other as "Big Guy," etc.)