Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

SBR: Wedding/Engagement Ring Alternatives

Page: (1)2

20:46 / 02.06.06

So, I'm proposing to my dance partner (who doesn't dance in public) but I want an alternative to an engagement ring. This is because a)I am poor b)he doesn't wear rings c)I would like to design or make something rather than spend tons on unethically mined and uninspirationally shaped gold.
So, what cool alternatives are there to wedding and engagement rings? Something I can pattern with oak-leaves would be a bonus (it's a pet name, don't ask).

20:54 / 02.06.06

We bought each other swanky watches.

20:55 / 02.06.06

How about a pendant? Is there a place where one could get a chain made from some kind of "fair trade" metal?

21:09 / 02.06.06

Can you work leather? Oak leaves patterned on the strap of the watch would be cool. You could both have that same design.

21:21 / 02.06.06

I want to make the item/s (possibly he can make mine) so I will have to learn metal working if I want to make a pendant etc. How hard is it to cast things in copper? (I much prefer copper to gold, it seems so much more friendly than gold). Watch-straps could be cool apart from my flat out refusal to wear a watch. But working leather might be a way to do it. How long does leather last?

22:06 / 02.06.06

Swashbuckling, first of all congratulations!

If you want to make things yourself it's ever so hard to cast in any precious metal. One thing you could do is buy PMC (precious metal clay) and create the ring yourself that way. Then you just need to find a kiln somewhere to fire it; it takes about 15 minutes at a constant temperature so it is possible to do it with a blowtorch, but only if really have to.

Making it youself is a lovely idea, but you could also think about designing it and getting it made or asking a jeweller (like me) to include something you have made in a ring. Using leather is not a fabulous idea because it wears quickly, but it is possible to set it within a ring if you really wanted to. Perhaps far lovlier to get a ring blank and carve that?

If you did want a ring blank to carve I could give you one, but probably not in copper. I can have a look and see if anyone else makes copper blanks if you like, but I've not heard of them. Copper is easy to come by - I have a lot in my studio here that I use for practicing designs on, but it tarnishes easily (the verdigree colour)and it stains your skin green which is why it's not used very much.

Besides, if you were going to all the bother of using copper, you might as well buy silver, far more lovely and not too expensive by the gram. (35p). As a comparison, the price of gold is about ten times that.

The other alternative is to buy carving wax from a jewellery supplier and carve that. You would need to take it to a caster to have it cast (I could tell you the details for this) but it would be your own design - ring, pendant or whatever.

I hope you find a solution to your problem! Let me know what you decide, I'm interested to find out.

22:18 / 02.06.06

Your sphincter? Possibly more a civil partnership thing.

22:23 / 02.06.06

How hard would it be to carve the blank? I will admit that I have no experience in metalworking whatsoever so as much information as you can give on any part of the process would be useful. I said I didn't want rings, but I suppose that even if he doesn't put it on his hand he can put it on a chain somewhere else. I think if I gave him a ring whilst on bended knee it might take less explanation that giving him a watch.
Is there anyway to stop copper staining? I really love copper, it has all these links to Aphrodite and softness and Fey-ness and is just generally squee. But silver sounds like it could be cool. I will have to look at some silver lore, make it more appealing.

22:32 / 02.06.06

He wears the sphincter a lot. I think my parents might dissaprove of him flaunting my sphincter in public though.

22:37 / 02.06.06

You can carve anything if you have a blank. You could make pendants or bracelets or anything.

It's not difficult to carve wax if you have some experience and getting it cast is easy, but you have to follow a few rules as you carve, like not making undercuts if you can help it. Carving metal is much harder and to do it well you need a lot of practice. My Significant Lovely has been carving for about 2 years now, and has only just reached a point where things are smoothly lined and professional. Prior to carving metal he had a lot of wood carving experience too. It's all about understanding the metal and that takes a while. But basically,you can carve a wax blank of anything that you can imagine, as long as you follow the basic casting rules.

You could always make a bracelet of some sort?

22:43 / 02.06.06

I think bracelets are more within my grasp. But maybe making something really really hard would be a suitable show of affection? I want him to feel wooed. I have no carving experience either, can silver be etched? Etching sounds much easier than carving, and you get to look at the design and finish it before makin an actual mark on the metal. Is there some sort of anti-etching, where exposed areas acrete metal and create relief?

*

01:44 / 03.06.06

How about precious metal clay?

Lilly Nowhere Late

04:48 / 03.06.06

Ever thought of drawing up your design and having tatoo rings done? It would be painful, but forever!

07:26 / 03.06.06

Take a sharp knife, and each of you chop the tip of your ring finger off, then pack them in ice and pop down to the hospital to get them reattached. But swap them round first, so you get hir finger stitched onto your hand, and ze gets your finger on hirs. How romantic would that be, eh? Cool scar where the ring would normally be, yr loverrrrr’s fingertip on *your* hand, powerful anti-rejection drugs for as long as you stay together.

(Really, I’d say: buy an old pocket watch, get Belle’s fella to carve a new casing for it out of wood, ‘cause carved wood things are lovely, and replace the watchface with one that you designed and/or painted yrself, swashbuckling. That could be nice.)

18:35 / 03.06.06

I'm really not bowled over by the idea of watches. I never wear them and I don't think he does normally. I dunno, I just don't like watches I think.
Tatoos are a strong possibility for the actual marriage bit. That is something we could design together and wrap a lot of symobolism into. A tattoed on ring doesn't appeal particularly, but some other tatoo would be cool. Maybe designs that interlock when we embrace\hold hands\fuck?
RE: Finger Exchange. Well, maybe not. I like the blood exchange thing, its a bit Micky and Malory so that's exciting.
Keep sending the suggestions as to engagement items. I've started the long process of proposal (via riddles in letters, we are currently apart) so I will need to pick the item pretty soon. I like the idea of jewellery as it is something he can wear and show people. He will be receing "W" next week, "I","L","L","Y","O","U","M","A","R","R""Y","M" and "E" will be arriving at a variable pace depending on how quick I work out what I am making. Suggestions are very seriously appreciated. Thank you everyone so far, and pretty pretty please keep suggesting things, it is all being added to the creative stew.

All Acting Regiment

18:44 / 03.06.06

18:58 / 03.06.06

JAKE and ELWOOD tattooed across your hand and his (respectively).

19:04 / 03.06.06

Jake Elwood?

19:17 / 03.06.06

jake and elwood blues, dude.

you could always go for a tatooed ring, hey.
i have seen that, and it was awesome.
some other dudes i know of got the initial of the other on their hand; just a letter and no ring.
i've also seen a couple who had matching belt buckles with the date of their union. those dudes also had tattoos of the date on their body(his on his leg, hers on her arm, iirc). the belt buckles were super pimped out, all diamante and shit.

i guess it depends on your style what works best.
i cant imagine xoc with a tatoo on his finger, for example, and i dont think the belt buckle dudes even wore watches. i know i dont, and it would be an encumberance, wearing it out of obligation but hating it.

mostly?
i say seek the simple and specific to yourselves.

19:34 / 03.06.06

Weirdly,justas you were typing that, I had an idea of what would fit us perfectly. For the final letter he could get a kneclace with two charms on it. One of them a king (for him) , one of them a pawn (for me). I've been thinking about the implications in chess ( something he has tried to teach me to hilarious effect) and in a real court, and I think they are perfect. Can people try to interpret what I'm saing by that choice? I just want to see if the symbolism is obvious and if I am inadvertently saying something accidental. Possibly a third charm with a single set stone in it. I would have to think about the stone choice but I could work another message into that if I pick carefully.
Am now beggining to get nervous, what do you all think?

19:38 / 03.06.06

'willing to sacrifice anything to save hir' and 'hir patron'?
something like that?

19:46 / 03.06.06

Thats about the brunt. Also the idea that all the pieces orbit him, because the King is the most important peice.

Just read this. I honestly hadn't ever thought of chess as mutual masturbation before this. I will tell him, he will laugh.

19:52 / 03.06.06

i love chess as well.
i must be an agressive wanker who loves himself, hey.

a surprise to nobody, i'm sure...

23:57 / 03.06.06

It's hard to disagree with that.

00:50 / 04.06.06

Come on, Grandma, I recently was quite horrible to toksik in a post and he was nothing but kindness and conciliation in return, so I have to demur from your opinion of him there. I would go to the mattresses for that lovely Weegee.

What about you collaborate with your main squeeze on some artwork, Swash? Something that includes elements meaningful to both of you? Oak leaves collaged and photos / icons / text whatever... Then you could have a framed piece on display chez vous and you could photo it and make emblematic mousemats, posters, t-shirts, whatever with it too.

We got the watches when we were about to head into a prolonged period of separation, over long since thankfully, and so it was probably more like an eternity ring kind of thing in traditional heteronormative language. Sort of thing my parents went in for after they'd both just had life-threatening surgery, years ago.

G proposed to me at the Brabo Fountain in Antwerp, on bended knee a year ago, and we shall very soon tie the knot in the poof way, without further external symbolism, and just some very dear witnesses to hand. No rings or geegaws. Maybe an excuse for new kilts or new suits but nothing more lasting. We're having the honeymoon a month before too, so you can see perhaps that we're being very pragmatic about the whole thing.

We have a friend who's a jewellery designer and did think about that (I had a ring made from recycled Coke cans that I loved and wore for many years but my fingers have got so fat since I stopped smoking that I think rings would now be impractical).

You're clearly looking for something that defies tradition and therefore is very personal. Good for you. Don't buy into anybody else's prototype. Go your own way...

I don't like the idea of tattoos much but I think my ideal wedding souvenir would be to have his name emblazoned across my hypochondrium, just like Phil Anselmo from Pantera had the word: UNSCARRED tattooed across his. That's where his hand rests every night as I fall asleep after all. And, after eleven years, we have so many totems already.

01:10 / 04.06.06

Squeee.

18:16 / 05.06.06

Congrats!

I gave my sweetie my pocket knife that I always carried as a betrothal gift. He loves that damn thing even if it is coated in pocket lint. We felt it was an exchange of arms making him apart of my family. Then we got engagement tats on our forearms.
For our wedding rings we used ye old sigil making of compressing a small poem into symbols that a silversmith friend of ours made into wedding rings. As my spouse can't wear rings, we had the rings made as obviously non finger styled ones and wear 'em around the neck on a chain. Eventually we'll get the symbols tattoo'd on our fingers including ash from our burnt hair mixed into the ink, maybe for an anniversary.

I highly recommend the experience of making symbols of your unity together. Even if it is just a design you use on on your invites or thank you notes. The shared artistic moment of union is profound.

19:03 / 05.06.06

I personally find the idea of rings quite cool, too bad you are lloking for alternatives. I'd say "matching tattoos", but I was beaten to the punch on that.

But, regarding the Chess analogy, I have two comments:

First, the King is the piece that all others orbit around, but, to be honest, in itself, the King is quite useless and it spends the whole match hiding behind other pieces. Not the kind of analogy one would care much about, I feel. The Queen, gender issues aside, would make a better metaphor. Of course, you are the one who knows the particularities of your relationship, so it's up to you alone, obviously.

And second:

Genetically, chess is more often than not taught to the boy by his father

Genetically?

Anyway, despite the fact I have no usefull suggestion, Congrats!!! Love is good, and I find it amazing one can love another so much to the point of considering, with a joyous heart no less, the possibility of life-long monogamy. Such a rare, powerful feeling is to be greatly valued.

Essential Dazzler

19:16 / 05.06.06

Is Swashbuckling considering a life-time of monogamy? I thought they were just getting married. Off-topic I know, but it niggled me.

19:24 / 05.06.06

Hey Atari,
I'm not sure if we're going for monogamy. At the moment we aren't, we thought we'd try an an open-relationship, and so far its working fine. Well, actually, the "open" part is pretty dull, everyone else I've slept with has been lame lame lame, and theres been no one else I've liked as much in the sack or in conversation. I'm not that bothered either way about monogamy, I'm not sure if our feelings will change once we are one soul\bank balance.
Re: Kind being lame, yeah, that kinda worried me. I'll be out searching for symbolism for the rest of the week.

19:30 / 05.06.06

Well, then you'll have what I call "monogamy by inertia", which actually works much better than "monogamy by contract". Either way, open relationship or not, it's the life-long love that's important and valuable. So, my congrats still stands, big time.

And sharing a bank account takes guts too.

19:37 / 05.06.06

Well, I say sharing bank accounts. I will probably refuse for the first year or so until I clear my debt. At the moment I'm just over £4000 in debt, and I don't want to pull him from his life of relative luxury down into my cheerful squalor. But, by the time we're married it will probably have been cleared anyway (I'm a little work-whore as of now).

Crap, I'm talking about it as if he's already said yes. I haven't even asked yet.
This is hecka scary.

19:53 / 05.06.06

it is scary. You are very brave and that vulnerability is part of the beauty of the request.
You honor your beloved and yourself by chucking your ass out there in the name of love.

When I proposed, I felt like an insane person asking the only sane question in an insane world.

15:55 / 28.06.06

He said yes.

15:58 / 28.06.06

Squeee!

Page: (1)2