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Helping a depressed friend

00:56 / 09.05.06

Hiya,

I have a close friend who suffers from depression, that has got pretty extreme over this exam period (we are in our last year at university). Could anyone recommend something I could give her to perhaps help her get a good nights sleep or help with her feelings of self-loathing/bulimia? I have been giving her regular reiki sessions and also this other energy method I have been taught, and recently brought in a bit of ceremonial magick (as much as I am confident with at the moment) as well (She is new to all of this but has found it to be effective, saying that it has helped much more than conventional medicine. She seems very sensitive to such things). I realise I'm most likely battling a monster bigger than I can handle, but the energy work really does seem to help, and I was thinking maybe a charged crystal or something similar may be of use on the days I don't do the work. Something she can put by her bed or carry around with her, y'know? Any ideas from any traditions would be greatfully received.

N.B. I don't know what people's views on doctors/antidepressants/psychiatrists are, but she's been through a lot of this and knows what she is doing. I am just doing what I can and certainly not discouraging efforts in other fields.

11:14 / 09.05.06

If I was doing it, I would make up a gris gris bag for your friend that she can tap into and work with whenever she feels as if things are getting a bit wobbly. What would go in it would be largely determined by what her specific problems are.

11:21 / 09.05.06

St John's Wort? Works along similar lines to many antidepressants, but considered more 'natural' by some and, since it's available from health food shops, allows one to experiment with controlling one's depression without buying into an explicitly medical healthcare model.

12:05 / 09.05.06

Could anyone recommend something I could give her to perhaps help her get a good nights sleep

Get her in the habit of regular exercise.

or help with her feelings of self-loathing/bulimia?

If it was me doing this, I'd try and work with the internal dialogue to identify/disenage with the habitual thoughts and triggers that fire off these behaviours.

Perhaps you could get her to replay one of the internal converesations that trigger self-loathing for you - what words does she say to herself? What tone of voice are they expressed in? Once she's done this - identify this process as a bit of an object, rather than something REAL and TRUE, she could try to change it i.e through active disagreement with the more negative parts, changing the tone and modality of words heard, slience etc. cultivation of compassionate feelings towards oneself etc.

I don't know how well this translates through the net, and I'm sure it's more difficult than it sounds with someone with serious problems. Hope it helps, anyway.

00:43 / 10.05.06

This is a difficult issue and hard to suggest options without knowing the person.

I'd suggest tackling it on a number of levels: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

That means making sure her diet is healthy and balanced, and that she's taking regular exercise. Has she had a medical lately to figure out if she has a hormonal imbalance, or any deficiency in her diet? It's best to tackle the practical aspect first, as it's the easiest to resolve.

She could always try consulting a naturopath, homeopath or herbalist if she wants to try alternative treatment.

If she has a form of body dysmorphic disorder then it's best that she sees an expert who knows how to tackle this - be it a counsellor, therapist, NLP coach, etc.

On a spiritual level I'd suggest divination (from a reputable person) to focus in on what could help her most - i.e. what she can do to help herself, who could help, etc.

From what you said she's been the conventional medicine route but I would suggest you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater - it could offer her a stabilising point until she can tackle the problem from another angle.

A problem like this is probably like an onion - there are layers to it, and they need to be peeled back judiciously and with care.

Best of luck.

01:17 / 10.05.06

"or something else I can do to help her keep her head above water on the days I don't do the healing? "

Word to the wise, You don't do the healing They do, you are a facilitator. Keep your roles clear, it helps.

As far as body work is concerned I would look into CranioSacral Therapy or Acupuncture, and someone with lots of experience in the field.

Exercise, Water, and Sunlight. everyday.

hope this helps.......

01:37 / 10.05.06

For when you're not there: give her a ball of obsidian to hol dwhen she's feeling dark. call her, text her, email her. remind her that someone's thinking of her.

For the real issues: prolly needs some therapy or at least a very deep and honest look at her childhood and her relationships with her parents. Start with the parents, then look at the other male and female influences in her life.

01:39 / 10.05.06

You would also be wise to accept that you alone do not have the power to heal her. Don't feel bad or dispirited about this, but don't be upset when your efforts fall short. Ultimately, she has to find her own peace. You can be someone that helps her along that path.

01:57 / 10.05.06

Hey thanks for the kind advice, people. The big session yesterday where I kind of freestyled the healing based on what I know so far and my intuitions really seemed to bring her "back from the edge" (her words) and back to a less fraught state of being. How long it lasts I don't know, but its a relief anyway.

Regarding more conventional methods, she has been a long way down that road and as I said I leave that to her. I'm just doing what I can as an aside, as well as being a supportive friend etc., and if it helps then great. She's tried St. John's Wort instead of chemical antidepressants (which have all, apparently, had side-effects too great to continue using)and while she had some success with this its effects tailed off and the side-effects again became too much. She does exercise but nutrition could well be an issue. Talking therapies have thus far proved ineffective. Obviously I don't want to go further into her problems on this public forum, but your input is greatly appreciated. I myself have experienced a heavy depression and also am studying psychology so am not too clueless on the issue.

The energy work is gradually getting deeper and some issues are gently being dealt with, so fingers crossed. I am being very careful about the whole thing.

I like the idea of a divination, at present my tarot skills leave a lot to be desired so my readings cannot really be relied upon, but I will keep the idea in mind. Any further suggestions most welcome, thank-you all.

Gypsy Lantern- Gris gris bags sound very interesting, do they take much "know-how" to work with once prepared?

xytar love- yes, everytime I forget this it becomes ever clearer.

p.s. I do not have the arrogance to assume that me the newbie magic guy and my allies can/are going to cure my friend's depression, I'm just looking for ways to possibly ease her pain I guess. In ways that I can provide because I am the only person she knows into such things. I know its an incredibly complex situation. Just making sure you guys realise I don't have a case of the ol' magus-itus.

02:00 / 10.05.06

Whoops, cross-posted with LVX23. But yes, I do realise this, as frustrating as it can be sometimes. I realise that my original message may have given that impression, I was pretty desperate at the time. Thank-you for the sage advice.

Unconditional Love

08:02 / 10.05.06

Massage, stay with the muscles that provoke talking about stress and tension, find the areas of the body most tense and dig into the memories stored in those areas, eventually the issues surface more clearly as the muscles learn to relax and let go. Can take alot of time, but the body talks better than the brain, the brain is a seasoned liar.

11:54 / 10.05.06

Gris gris bags sound very interesting, do they take much "know-how" to work with once prepared?

No. Anyone can work with a prepared gris-gris bag. It's just an amulet that a person can tap into. In this case, it would be an anchor for the person to hold onto when they feel like they are going under. A bit of hope in a bag. Something to see them through the night. If you aren't up to speed with herb and root work, you could buy one from a reputable source and then "do it up" yourself, filling it with reiki and personalising it to the person who it's for.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:20 / 10.05.06

I made one myself for a similar problem--it's not a cure-all but it does help get over the bumps, IYSWIM.

I adapted a recipe from here (scroll down), replacing the coin with a piece of quartz I took from a very 'juicy' location. Since I'm fairly big on the runes, I utilised some in the making of the bag: Ehwaz and Naudhiz drawn on the quartz (for power and movement, and for need respectively, although that's rather an oversimplification), Kensaz (a rune with much personal significance to me) embroidered on the bag and three Berkana runes cut into the angelica root. The other runes were chosen specifically for my own case and would probably not be appropriate for your friend, but three Berkana runes make a very good charm for women generally.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:38 / 10.05.06

Oh yeah, and the other thing I did different was mix a bit of St. John's Wort tincture in with the blessing oil. Figured it couldn't hurt. Here's a picture of the bag just before I stitched it up. You can see the quartz and the angelica root.

16:17 / 10.05.06

If your friend has stopped the anti depressants I would recommend 5 HTP.

I wont say it helped me overcome my depression but it seemed to help with ending the side effects and withdrawal symptoms from the anti depressants themselves which left me in a clearer state of mind to work a way out of the morass.

Id third the gris gris, my bf made me one and it brought me comfort. Plus its a nice tangible reminder of friendship which is a great tonic in these times.

As your a fellow reiki hero why not try a crystal grid under her bed or fave chair?

06:08 / 12.05.06

Get her in the habit of regular exercise.
...
She does exercise

adamski could you be a bit more specific maybe?

There is a big difference for example between running on a treadmill in a gym while watching tv, worrying about how many calories you're burning and feeling awkward with people checking out your body, or for example going for long peaceful walks in a forest, or dancing unselfconsciously to your favorite songs.

If she is bulemic and has self-loathing then that has to do with objectification of the body, so I think it's an important distinction.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

07:24 / 12.05.06

It feels really, really weird to say this, but I agree with Bruno there.

07:24 / 12.05.06

Tell her to read Das Capital, marxism is a magical system, you know.

07:38 / 12.05.06

Sorry Adamski, ignore that comment. It's the result of some recent disagreements between myself and Bruno, and this thread is not the place to pursue them.

09:56 / 13.05.06

Could anyone recommend something I could give her to perhaps help her get a good nights sleep

I have a few suggerstions that have helped me through bouts of yucky insomnia (depression related?)--didn't cure it, but definitely helped through the worst of it.

Cut out all caffeine--coffee, black/green tea. If that's not possible, then definitely don't drink any after 3PM.

Don't watch and television or use a computer for at LEAST one hour before going to sleep (preferabley two) and keep the light down waaaay low for at last 1/2 hour before going to sleep.

Try to drink calming teas for a few hours before bed. My favored mixture is Skullcap, Passionflower and Valerian. Chamomile is good as well.

Hope that helps...

x

16:05 / 13.05.06

Thanks people. Gris gris bag is ace idea, I will pursue this when I get some time out.

Exercise? She goes swimming everyday. She has always loved being in the sea/scuba diving etc, though I'm not sure how much the university swimming pool fulfills this need. The self-vomiting comes and goes, and to my mind sounds more like a self-harm kind of "release" rather than a "typical" binge on food then throw up kind of behaviour. So I guess the label "bulimia" probably does not reply in this situation. Or perhaps it does. I'll have to check my DSM IV... That said she is thin and very weight/body conscious, so yeah. We do go out dancing now and again, but alcohol has to be a factor to get rid of the self-consciousness. As it is with a lot of people. But yeah this in an interesting line of thought.

Glandmaster- You have a great name. I didn't know about cyrstal grids until I researched them just now. Sounds good, but I'll need to save up and buy some more crystals before I attain the required amount!

16:06 / 13.05.06

Oh and thanks Mono, I'll check out her sleep arrangement, though I have the feeling she's trying her best with these methods as it is.

10:34 / 14.05.06

I'd tentatively offer up the suggestion that it's worth considering the possibility, Adamski, that what your friend's experiencing isn't necessarily straightforward pathology to be eradicated ("depression", "bulimia") but, as you yourself have touched upon, more equivocal phenomena which fulfil some function in terms of coping mechanisms - albeit possibly less-than-perfect ones. Your first post, for example, mentions exams, and it's not at all uncommon for one to become stressed during exam time; a degree of stress is arguably important in terms of motivating one to address the situation. Similarly, you've suggested that your friend's eating behaviour may not constitute bulimia per se but rather a ("self-harm") way of alleviating anxiety.

From what you say, your friend continues to eat, exercise and experience pleasure (going out dancing), so perhaps this isn't a severe illness to be tackled/healed but her own idiosyncratic, possibly maladaptive, response to a stressful situation - or even a way of maintaining discourse/friendship? Maybe it's worth asking what function her experiences/behaviour might be serving? It is, after all, possible to overtreat...

14:01 / 17.05.06

Ahh Gypsy Lantern that is an intriguing suggestion with much truth to it. From what I can tell it seems the depressive/bulimic symptoms only really manifest themselves fully in times of great stress- e.g. this exam period, and also when she spends extended periods of time living with her mother, who seems to have a very negative effect on her.

Perhaps her general world-view, that is one of cynicism and, for want of a better word, disgust, directed towards the majority of things is itself a coping mechanism to cope with a seemingly hostile and messed-up world. Maybe while a certain amount of cynicism and discrimination is of course a valuable asset in dealing with reality, too much will have the negative effect of actually reinforcing this world-view until it becomes entrenched. And as I know from personal experience, when the world seemingly IS like this it becomes a terrible place to live in, living becomes a chore, etc.

The symptoms strike me as a learned response, perhaps from a childhood involving much moving around and also divorce as this person's does. Therefore breaking reinforced belief patterns and opening up energy centres seems to be a good idea. Reiki has the excellent effect of taking to her to a place where the world is benign and loving, and she can relax. She'd forgotten she could feel like that.

I'll certainly make a gris gris bag for her to keep over the long summer ahead where she is staying with her mother, and perhaps advise in some kind of banishing method so that her mother's negative energies/possible "psychic vampirism" doesn't impinge upon her too much.

Thanks again for the advice and things, this situation is actually proving to be a valuable one for me, as I am learning a lot about myself and also my potential role as a healer. Also it feels good to make other people feel a bit better!