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Janus: I'm fascinated by this, and like id, think it deserves its own thread, within which I will try to contribute.
Id: I think your question is a really good one.
I recall aeons ago, in one of the Bi threads, a poster saying that though they'd had and enjoyed sexual experiences with more than one gender and were likely to continue to do so, they wouldn't self id as bisexual because they only felt emotional desire/connection to one gender. They felt that the term 'bisexual' wasn't accurate, as well as that they didn't have the 'right' to use it.
One way around this I've heard, is people describing them very specifically/literally as bi-sexual and homo/hetero-emotional.
Another point I'd raise is that there are self-identified bisexuals (of my acquaintance, and in the wider world/literature) whose dynamic is the same as the one you're talking about. So I guess part of this is whether the 'bisexual' is a word you click with.
For some of the people I know, myself included, a good chunk of the bit of bisexual identity they do comes from active and energising participation in a bi community, a feeling of connection to that community, that it's their space, as much as it does from the specific desires. Finding community over the vast range of desires/patterns that crop up in bicommunities, basically.
A little thing on the identifying thing: I identify as Queer more than Bi, which is confusing, given that I am one of Barbelith's shouty bi people, help run a bi group, do a fair bit of bi activism and think it's very important to do so.
If it didn't make me think of 70s flares and beards, I might feel more comofortable using 'pansexual', as it's closer to where I am. Queer is still, though, distinctively important to me.
So, although I really don't like the word bisexual (mainly for its implication of only two sexes and emphasis on sexual activity to the denigration of possible social/cultural specificities (as per debates about homosexual vs.gay), I do think that it's important for now to do activism and live under a bisexual banner, to fight that invisiblity.
It gets confusing at times. 
Which perhaps connects a little to your point about wanting on the one hand to not be 'denying' a possible label as bisexual, but also to be doing something that muddies the borders of attraction among fag-id'd men.
Different agendas/priorities clashing, maybe. Negotiating these things is tricky, to say the least.
Ideally for me, Queer would be enough, as it describes most accurately for me, how my desires work, how my sexuality and my cultures and dynamics work. Also: it's a verb/performance/process and that's much more how I feel than a noun/label/neat description.
But right now, I feel that bi invisibility is a narrative I want to fight, so 'representing' as bi is part of the deal.
Bot sure if that's an asnwer, but it's a perspective.
(have just come back from London Bifest, so am full of the joys and drawbacks of bi community space atm!) |
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