Barbelith Underground > Comic Books > Fantasy Legion of Doom!!!!

Isn't it weird that so many superteams are people with disparate interests and goals who get together to wreak havoc? In real life, most teams are made up of similar people with similar interests and these are the teams I always find the most interesting. With that in mind welcome to the LEGION OF DOOM - Animal Style! Supervillains who either emulate or love animals, many of them hailing from Africa, who want to overthrow humans and let animals run the world. What are their goals? They want Africa given to them and they pledge to bring unity to the entire continent. And they want an end to hunting, no meat eating (unless you kill it yourself), no factory farming, a return to a more subsitence based hunting and gathering culture, and enormous wildlife preserves in the US (the entire North West would be animals only) in Europe (France and Norway: animals only) and Asia (most of Western China and down into Cambodia and North Korea would be human free zones).

GORILLA GRODD - who else would lead this kind of team? He's a fricking gorilla with super science and mind control. The whole Legion operates out of Gorilla City and that's going to be the new capital of Africa. Grodd wants to have the wars between African countries and tribes escalate until a Pan-African Union is established that brings peace. And Grodd controls their minds! Ha ha ah aha ha ha.

TIGER SHARK - last we saw of this telepathic shark-turned-human he was swimming away, transformed from a super evolvo shark/man into just a regular old tiger shark. But he's been swimming around, brooding, and rolling in toxic waste ever since and now he's a super-evolved Shark Man once more! Ha! Except he's managed to contract bone cancer, leukemia, and lung damage in the process. But still! He's pain-free thanks to telepathy and who else but a dude who once called himself TS Smith (Tiger Shark Smith, that is) would be bad azz enough to take out all the humans? He'll get their boats out of the oceans and their harpoons and hooks out of his brethren before he dies. He's so cool.

CATMAN - he's brooding. He's an anti-hero. He's not quite a bad guy these days, but come on...this fellow wants animals to have a better shake. Especially killer felines. So he's in, with reservations. Plus, he's in heat for...

CHEETAH - super-fast, super-sharp claws, super-psycho and super-horny for a litter of human/cheetah cubs.

COPPERHEAD - he's dead, but the last time we saw him he was chilling with Neron, a demon. Well, Neron has possessed his corpse and now it's even more flexible and disgusting. He could care less about animals (cold-blooded, don't you know?) but he's in it for the havoc. Strengths: snake-looking demon from hell. Weaknesses: has to lie on tanning bed for three hours every morning to warm up blood. Can't go to intemperate climates. Eats whole sheep (and babies when he can get them) which is really really gross.

KILLER CROC - not so smart, but very strong and very scary. Was reluctant to join until he saw the sweet lifestyle of crocs on the Nile. Now they can't get him back in the sewers. Is learning Arabic and Egyptian via Berlitz in order to communicate better with his overseas brethren. Wants to rule the wetlands! No one has a problem with that because, well, they're the wetlands.

THE HYENA - another psycho, like the Cheetah, except their infectious bite can spread the were-hyena infection. The result? What was one very confused young lady who turned into a hyena is now a pack of were-hyenas. Hooked on drugs and orgies, they are led by the original Hyena. They can talk, but people wish they wouldn't because it's very disconcerting. They love urban war zones and they love garbage.

BLACK BISON - not really a bison, but a Native American kid possessed by their crazy, Wounded Knee wannabe grandfather. They can use magic and have decided that the rights of animals have been trampled for too long. They also won't shut up about Native American wisdom. Thinks a hunter gatherer society for the planet would bring universal peace and harmony. Everyone wants to sew his mouth shut. (That's not a pic of Black Bison but that's probably what he wants to look like so there you go.)

THE TURTLE - trapped in jail and with lots of time to think, the super-slowster has become convinced that the fast pace of progress and technology is really, really bad. He's read a few books about it and bore everyone with long, drawn out stories about how industrialization was a big mistake. Now a neo-luddite hippie.

LION MANE - has the hots for the Cheetah, but hates Catman. Lion Mane is sick of being a second-stringer and wants some respect. Has spent the last ten years as a respected industrialist in Scandinavia (imagine this guy wearing a suit - super-hot style!) drilling in the North Sea and the Arctic. But now he wants access to African markets and this whole Africa for the Animals project seems to give him the best shot at this. Could care less if animals rule the planet. But wants to rule the planet himself. Is the chief financial officer for the group. Self-taught, with a correspondence school MBA.

ZOOKEEPER - wracked with guilt over his animal-experimenting past, Zookeeper can turn into any animal he wants, except they're purple and scaly. Is convinced that this is punishment for his sins and that when he was atoned for past misdeeds he'll be able to transform into a natural-looking animal. Spends most of his time in animal form. Believes that killing people is the way to cleanse his sinful self.

There's room in here for the FLORONIC MAN, too, although evereyone makes fun of him. He's a plant! Ha ha!