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God, M$, you always puts my brain in overload.
Now that you got me thinking, I realised I have spent my life disconnected from the Sacred. I was raised as a Catholic, but during my teens -as many teens do - I have abandoned my beliefs as a act of rebelion. No, not rebelion, just creation of a identity, is all. Anf there went I, towards a materialist view of everything, and here's what I got: depression, panic of death, utter loneliness.
In colege I got my first contact with magic. Castaneda, shrooms trips, debates about African-Brazilian religions, eventually I tried the Daime. I started to refer to myself as "agnostics, but it was default agnosis. As in, "I don't know what I am, I'm not worried, so, there it is. Even my mystical experiences were aproached as a novelty, something funny and cool to do. No commitment. I didn't care one way or another. Good? evil? What's the difference after all?
But here's what I found, even though I didn't quite realise: friendship. My friends were the piece of wood that kept me afloat in the shipwreck that was my spiritual life. Friends introduced me to the joy of living. To kung fu, which is now pretty important to me. To politics. To things that matter.
Now, as I aproach my 30s, I find myself praying, from time to time. But I noticed I pray for one thing, and only one thing: the wellbeing of people I care about. Nothing scares me like the possibility of them not being happy and healthy. Never ask for nothing for myself, me, who was so selfish and lonely once.
So, I guess that Love is Sacred to me, now. Love for my family. Love for my friends. Love for my old girlfriends (and one woman in particular) Love for my people. Love for my country. Love for humanity. Love for this planet Earth. Love for the Universe. Love for life and living. And, to a (much) lesser extend, but growing, Love for my work, my writing, my books. Love for my tottling magic. Love, period.
And now - and that's weird, because I never thought about it until right now, as I write this words - I find myself wishing I had a son or a daughter, so I could know how this ultimate Love feels like. Must be a trip. Absolute Sacredness.
My heart is pumping hard and fast. Weird.
Love |
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