I am a man, and you can feel free to categorize me as a selfish non-nurturer if you wish. My point, however, is that raising a child is labor intensive. It does take time away from other pursuits, like school, work, and leisure. It is a huge sacrifice on the mother's part. Granted, there are nontangible rewards. However, unlike the tangible sacrifices, the nontangible rewards are if anything actually reduced by not having a partner to share them with, so the father's giving up these nontangible rewards does not absolve him of the tangible responsibilities. (i.e. the mother does not benefit from not having to "share" the baby with its father, so the father cannot say he is leaving entirely to her the joys of child-rearing in exchange for not having to pay its costs.)
are you saying that having a child is like working for a paycheck, or that it should be?
No. As should be clear from my post, I am saying that a mother's time is valuable, and she already makes a sacrifice that matches or exceeds the sacrifice made by a father paying custody, even if only the monetary value of her time is considered.
and if we extend this logic, if children are sources of headaches and require labor for care, then why wouldnt a child be placed in the custody of the higher earner? that way, we could maintain a household income and all the variables that go along with household incomes, in one place, and the child's upbringing would actually be much more consistent with those of children in homes where there are two parents.
That does not follow. Clearly, children do require labor for care. However, the one on whom society has bestowed the most earning power is not always best qualified to provide that labor.
if the gas bill is high one month and a child needs to go without a new pair of pants for another few weeks, thats a decision the family makes. fathers paying child support dont have that option.
Fathers paying child support also pay a steady rate, as I understand it, while the mother may have to pay an extra thousand dollars one week for her child's illness or injury, or have other emergency expenses to deal with, which she can be jailed for not paying— although, as with child support, there is a process. No one goes to jail for having been late with one payment, or else I would have been jailed at least five times for my cell phone bill in the last five years. But like any other bill, if I simply refuse to pay it, there are consequences for this. As I understand it, child support payments are the same.
however, i do think it's important to try to get to gender equality by recognizing similar issues where they exist.
Again you are framing this issue in terms of gender equality, as if women have more power than men in society at large, and that's not only false but it's harmful to women to keep propagating it. This is why people, myself included, keep getting angry with you in this thread and others where you have raised this issue— because of your tendency to frame men as the oppressed victims as a whole, when in actuality we are at an advantage in just about every situation. It's a transparent tactic of cowardly oppressors everywhere, or those too ignorant and weak to face up to their own power and privilege, and I'm insulted that other men resort to it. |
