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Virtual Cross-Dressing

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miss wonderstarr

06:29 / 09.03.06

That is an interesting, engaged and sometimes affecting thread. What jumped out for me was the way a passage from elene's post

Fair enough really, and exciting too, but dear, oh dear, oh dear. One
really shouldn't be a transvestite as it's far too dangerous. Well,
at least as long as one's still young.

really reminded me of the voice and textual posture I felt I fell into (above) in that first flush of "birth" as miss w. Like Alice in Wonderland.

10:15 / 09.03.06

Je ne regrette rien!

Thanks Xoc.

08:39 / 10.03.06

Am I stereotypically feminine?

miss wonderstarr

08:53 / 10.03.06

It sounded a bit like the Alice/White Rabbit formal, prissy, worrity-tone I sometimes fall into (actually when posting as m or f).

09:12 / 10.03.06

O.K.

Disco is My Class War

13:41 / 11.03.06

I can't quite believe that things have become so regulated and normative around here that someone felt the need to ask whether it would be okay if they changed fiction-suit gender.

Once upon a time, many Barbeloids changed genders every week or so -- and that was only the folks who had gender-designated suits. Once upon a time, we used to muptiple suits too, but that was outlawed (mostly for technical reasons, and because of trolls who, I still feel, ruined it for the rest of us.) But then again, nowadays we have women's only space on Barbelith... Something that, if you think about it for a moment, is entirely theoretical and impossible to police, given the textual nature of the board. (Please note: I'm not saying the women only thread was a mistake or objectionable: it had a purpose, and fulfilled that purpose admiably. Just pointing out the limits of it as real women's only space. Not to even touch, for a second, the political problematics of real women's only space.)

This is a bulletin board. People are generally free to experiment with fiction-suits in whatever way they wish within the constraints outlined in the Wiki. Online transvestism has been done here before and will be done again, for all kinds of reasons. miss wonderstarr, if you feel the need to draw attention to your newly gendered transvestite suit, you can and should... But please don't feel like you must ask permission to be so.

*

08:46 / 01.04.06

Topping this here to voice my support of miss wonderstar generally. I needed an all-genders space for this.

I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have barbelith as a relatively safe space in which to explore my transness, when I first signed on. And I feel that's what miss wonderstar is doing— not making fun, not experimenting, and not getting her jollies.

It's important to my perception of barbelith as a good space for women that miss wonderstar's gender is as accepted as mine is. When I posted here as gender neutral entitything, that could have been quite annoying to several people. People born intersex might have been offended, quite legitimately. There were issues with my assumptions about what made men men and women women and in certain ways my portrayal of neutrality rested on sexism. But I needed that phase of my life. And furthermore, I was never challenged.

Transgender* women get a harder time in society than trans men, in some ways, partly because femininity and femmeness is not valued in the same way as masculinity and butchness. It worries me, in general.

*"transgender" was originally coined to refer to male-assigned people who dress in women's clothing and have a female persona with whom they identify, but with no intention to change their bodies. miss wonderstar fits all the definitions of transgender I am prone to using.

miss wonderstarr

08:54 / 01.04.06

I thought I'd had this sucker locked!

*

08:56 / 01.04.06

Oops, sorry. I thought this might be a more appropriate thread than the WFB. Does it need to be locked?

miss wonderstarr

08:59 / 01.04.06

I asked for it to be locked because I didn't feel "safe" about it. It's funny... when I was, you know, "out", "dressed", femme" and so on back in the day, it was really frightening and took a lot of courage. And it's strange the way it feels the same now, on here, even virtually, when I know that I know people irl who may well be reading it.

But I felt I had to be honest and true to all parts of me then, and I guess I feel it now, too. I would ask people to appreciate, though: it is a brave thing sometimes to be trans. It is scary sometimes and takes courage sometimes.

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:07 / 01.04.06

OK. I think there's a very specific issue about people who live as men but post as women posting to the female-only thread, which has very little connection to the broader discussion.

I think there's also an ambiguity between MW's original "this is an experiment" position and what this has turned out to be, which I think is more about an engagement with one's own (deferred) gender ambiguity and transvestism, in a different (safer?) environment. So, when Lula talks elsewhere about deceit, I don't think that Miss Wonderstarr is deceiving people in the sense of using a female persona to chat them up and get their credit card details, for example.

I'm afraid I don't see a huge amount of traction behind the doing nails thing - it's pretty minor, and to be honest it's not something that only women do. I've certainly met men, "officially" transvestite or otherwise, who give themselves manicures, paint their nails, buff their nails or whatever. So, that feels to me like a false trail.

Broadly, I'm not sure that posting a complaint about it in the female-only thread was a great idea either, as it throws the issues of transgender and transvestism into very sharp relief. If MW posts there in her defence, she can immediately be criticised for posting in that thread despite living IRL as a man. If we want this thread locked for reasons of personal disclosure, I'd suggest we start another one to thrash this out to which any gender-identity can post with impunity.

09:13 / 01.04.06

Broadly, I'm not sure that posting a complaint about it in the female-only thread was a great idea either, as it throws the issues of transgender and transvestism into very sharp relief. If MW posts there in her defence, she can immediately be criticised for posting in that thread despite living IRL as a man.

It also throws into sharp relief the issue of online versus IRL identity, particularly the fact that the latter can only ever be glimpsed through the lens of the former. In this context, it's patently ridiculous to criticise someone's posting in the Women-Friendly thread because they live "IRL as a man". We have absolutely no way of 'checking' the IRL gender of female-identified suits and, IMHO, no pressing reason to want to do so.

miss wonderstarr

09:13 / 01.04.06

Thanks, Haus. Frankly, I see this thread as a kind of "origins" backstory that I am happy to put behind me. I don't identify closely with my previous persona anymore and it is odd (and embarrassing) to see the shift. Nobody likes having strangers watching them get changed. (Maybe acquaintances watching is even worse).

Also, this thread, with its transition, makes me feel a little unsettled in this persona, which I felt was settling, and (as Ganesh suggested) settling quite nicely.

On balance & reflection I would rather present as I am now, without the history trailing, on a new "Online Gender" thread, which I'd thank someone to set up without it being all about this specific case.

09:20 / 01.04.06

I'll do it.

*

09:22 / 01.04.06

Er... sorry, it's done. Or do a better job and I'll delete mine.

Posting impulsively. Maybe I'd better change my name to dead entity...

09:23 / 01.04.06

Entity's beaten me to it!

miss wonderstarr

09:24 / 01.04.06

I'd have loved to have this locked at a neat 50, but can it be locked and sink now, to be linked if necessary?

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