Well, first, thanks for all the kind words here.
I want to restate for the record, here what I said in the woman-friendly barbelith thread, especially this bit:
However, I really wouldn't want the whole world to sound like me, wouldn't want all of Barbelith to sound like me, and frankly. I'm not sure I always want to sound like me...
That last sentence in particular may sound like gratuitous self-deprecation, but, in all seriousness, it is not--as I think you can tell from the rest of the original posting. I am genuinely ambivalent in some specific ways about my own style, for some specific reasons.
I.e., I am aware that my approach is in part a product of dealing with class and gender issues in an accommodating style in an academic context, one that has derived, quite plainly, from a fear, first, of not being liked, and, then, later in my life, of being written off as a bitch, an hysteric, or as falling beneath the threshold of middle class decorum--or some combination of the mix.
Although this fear results partly from the two or three times in my life when I have been personally, physically threatened--with rape and mutilation, for example (this has happened)--simply for speaking my mind, it mostly comes from the daily redundant messages about how ridiculous and annoying mouthy working class women are, and how little we need to take them seriously.
And, although I apparently often remain "calm" on the surface of my texts, I am often very angry. But. There's something ethically dubious about getting to be the good cop. I'm not sure that's fair to anyone--particularly if it is consistently one or two persons' role. Leaves me feeling a bit ...icky. I am thinking a great deal about this.
So I have to say, I also respect people who state their case point blank and make clear exactly where they stand. In my defense, that's what I see myself as doing with the skills I have at hand: I try to be as precise as I can be about exactly what is making me angry and exactly what is wrong with the idea being expressed. The energy to do the analysis and provide the evidence springs from a well of anger and, even more importantly, a desire to change the status quo. Since I'm a good researcher, I draw on that strength; it is my weapon. I use it to say: this is exactly what's wrong with your posting. That's what I try to do.
Additionally, I am a teacher; I do tend to believe that people are capable of learning but it takes time. I would have a hard time making it through a term if I didn't take this long view. (I also have been trained to do simple things like saying, e.g., "this argument implies" instead of "you imply" in my critiques.)
And, most specifically, I partly stick out the F4J thread so long and so diligently because this is an area that I am working in, so I have had an interest in really seeing, considering, working through and exploring the whole argument--I wanted to see just how the argument can be made. I stand by my statement to ShadowSax that I put up with more shit from him on this topic than I would if he were just a comix dude because here the stakes are so personal and high. I probably wouldn't have had as much patience for someone on very many other topics.
I am hearing everything that's being said here; I am contemplating it all. |
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