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How are you going to be "disposed" of?

 
  

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Alex's Grandma
07:09 / 02.03.06
At my advanced age (76 in the autumn, if the people here in the Twilight Home for the Criminally Bewildered don't poison me first - they think I don't know what they put in my meals, but I do know, yes I do, and if they carry on like this then I'm going have to think seriously about hiring a food-taster from one of those youth opportunity schemes that that Gordon Brown keeps on talking about on the television in my brain, I think they cost about £45 a week,) I ponder this issue almost constantly.

I quite like the idea of a sky burial, which I think is a custom that dates from ancient Tibet - basically, your corpse is taken up to a high, lonely place and left there to be stripped clean by carnivorous birds, hence all but the bones 'fly away into the air.' The appeal of this is that it would probably help fast-forward the grieving process - by the time the relatives had fought their way back down from the top of Ben Nevis or wherever, it seems an average-to-good bet that they'd be reasonably OK with having seen the last of the 'old bat, the twisted old reptile, the bloodsucking husk of a vampire that insisted on this nonsense as a part of the will in the first place' etc.

On the other hand though, the flesh-eating birds (vultures mainly, as I understand it,) are perhaps arguably more pro-active in Tibet - Are, say, the crows in the mountains of Snowdonia really going to be up to the job? And, maybe more pertinently, how much more time in purgatory (ball park figure at the moment, roughly ten thousand years,)would this type of shenanigan be likely to earn me in any case?

Questions, questions...
 
 
Evil Scientist
08:30 / 02.03.06
Catapult.
 
 
■
08:43 / 02.03.06
"...and then we'll twang him into a tree!"
"Twang him into a tree?"
"At the sound of a klaxon"
 
 
Kiltartan Cross
08:51 / 02.03.06
I've several times expressed the desire to have my skull used as a theatrical prop. If any of the other bits can find a home, that's a bonus.
 
 
Paolo
08:59 / 02.03.06
Well I dont really plan to die so all this is rather academic. But if the reaper does catch me napping I wouldnt mind being an exhibit in the British Museum perhaps cast in a block on imperishable crystal to gaze (or rather scowl) at tourists forever.
 
 
fuckbaked
09:10 / 02.03.06
I want to be dissected so that if I become a ghost, I can watch my own dissection. If that doesn't work out, organ donation, I guess. If there's no use for my corpse, you can burn me or chuck me into a dumpster. Whatever.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
09:21 / 02.03.06
I hate to break it to you guys, but you're going to taste awful.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:56 / 02.03.06
You think that's bad?

Wait until I go and all you fuckers have to snort my ashes.
 
 
Evil Scientist
11:02 / 02.03.06
I hate to break it to you guys, but you're going to taste awful.

Not me, I'm corn-fed.
 
 
My Mom Thinks I'm Cool
11:11 / 02.03.06
I hate to break it to you guys, but you're going to taste awful.

That's what condiments are for, we got a thread on it. You don't have to eat *just* me, marinate me in basalmic vinagrette overnight and leave plenty of ketchup on the table if that's not enough. And yeah, give all the bits no one wants to eat to either kids with no kidneys or I guess my mom's dogs.

...I bet an 18 year old vegan athlete tastes pretty yummy.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
11:21 / 02.03.06
I hate to break it to you guys, but you're going to taste awful.

You have previously confessed that you aren't well versed in the culinary arts. Maybe I'm overstepping a boundary here but might I suggest that you aren't doing it right?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:23 / 02.03.06
I've had no complaints.
 
 
matthew.
14:06 / 02.03.06
I bet an 18 year old vegan athlete tastes pretty yummy

What? Wouldn't ze be very tough and chewy? I'd rather eat a plump person whose diet consists mainly of chocolate. (By the way: right use of 'whose'?)
 
 
Shrug
14:25 / 02.03.06
I quite like the idea that if I were to be stuffed, my corpse, though I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, could go on further adventures. Perhaps kept in the attic of some kindly friend or grieving lover for a few years attracting the curiousity of the more morbid houseguests, eventually sold-off in a carboot sale, a fake moustache drawn on me or irreverently decked out in a baseball cap, used as a hat stand, clothes horse, scarey hallowe'en object, then eventually thrown in a tip if not immediately.

Though realistically, I'm going with cremation as it just seems tidier.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:55 / 02.03.06
I'd rather eat a plump person whose diet consists mainly of chocolate. (By the way: right use of 'whose'?)

matthesis: yes.

I would like to be frozen in carbonite.
 
 
Katherine
17:05 / 02.03.06
I actually like the idea of an air funeral although I see from researching it that it's not a easy thing to organise, damn laws.

Failing that a viking long ship launched into the english channel, set alight with flaming arrows. Similar to a air funeral but soon it will become a sea burial so that should be ok.
 
 
HCE
17:11 / 02.03.06
I'm fairly certain my loved ones plan to decapitate me and drive a stake through my heart.
 
 
matthew.
17:15 / 02.03.06
How did you figure out my plan?
 
 
Haus of Mystery
17:56 / 02.03.06
I will invite all my friends to a clifftop send off. I will lie in an open casket dressed like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop. At the emotional peak of the ceremony the hidden catapult mechanism in the coffin will hurl my corpse at a perfect 45 degree angle off the cliff, whereupon the concealed fireworks strapped to my body will ignite in a truly splendid fashion. There will also be a man selling hotdogs.
 
  

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