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Underground > Games & Gameplay >

Roleplaying Quotes and Tales of Outright Stupidity!.

08:52 / 03.02.06

The art of the witty comeback is one of the most important weapons in a PCs arsenal. The ability to stare death in the face and come out with something pithy and intelligent to cut the blackhat's ego in twain just seconds before your vorpal sword goes snicker-snakt! and lops their head off. It's part of the fun of playing those larger than life characters.

Of course there are the other occasions too. When a Player completely messes up, and blows the whole caper simply because they couldn't keep their mouths shut. With hilarious results.

So here's the thread for the quotes that make your games great, and the moments when a badly rolled dice has the Players scrambling over each other to get out.

I'll start the ball rolling with a couple of choice cuts from the Aberrant campaign I'm running. It's Authority meets the X-Files in a world of superhumans and global conspiracies, and right in the middle of it all is the Coalition, a loosely affiliated group of posthumans with a taste for anarchy and conspiracy-busting.

Finn (cyberkinetic geekboy): "Leave me alone, I had my head blown off yesterday and drowned last week. It's been a stressful month."

Evil Claw (the world's greatest porn film director, plus magnetic powers): "I'm bored, let's steal a submarine. Think about it, no more sneaking around black-ops facility. We can tell the world to behave at nuke-point."

Redback (looks suspiciously like Venom, but green and red): "Hey a busy motorway! Come on guys, who wants to play Matrix?"

Mr Orange: (mega-social, ex-KGB) Who needs a telepath? We could just erase their heads.

*

17:13 / 03.02.06

Where I come from, this one is legend: "I HAD to blow up the building! I was leaving it!"

19:22 / 03.02.06

This is from the very first time I played RPG, way back in AD&D times (1994). It was a whole group of newbies with two experienced players working as DMs. One of my friends had choose to play a druid (who obviously had herbalism as a skill). When he met another PC (a half-elven fighter lady), he was greeted with the following line:

Half-elven lady: "Hi, I can see you have herbalism"

The DMs laughed so hard we almost quit the whole thing

Incidentally, we were beggining a Forgotten Realms campaing called "Knights of Jah", and our mission was to find the "Lost Sacred Herb" and re-introduce it to the peoples of Faerun. The main villain was a half-orc who looked like James Brown with fangs (and he sung too). Ah, those crazy college years...

I miss playing D&D

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

19:45 / 03.02.06

not a quote, specifically, but in a cyberpunk game at one point a friend of mine had a mental switch to disable the pain receptors in his whole body.

In order to know if he was shot, he had a wire frame model of himself in a heads up display, green when things were ok, then yellow from impact and red for serious injury.

At the time we were all playing mechwarrior a lot on the pc.

anyway, we were in an apartment building, and the cyber guy is dropping from a second floor balcony into the back yard of the bad guy, who ses his feet and opens fire with a minigun, the convo went:

GM: (rolls dice) You hear a steady stream of bullets below your feet as you drop down.

Player: I check my wire frame for hits

GM: you notice on the wireframe that your feet have vanished, right as you fall on the bloddy stumps of your ankles.

21:28 / 03.02.06

1994 was AD&D times?

Blimey, I was playing AD&D in 1984.

08:16 / 04.02.06

1994 for me was angst-ridden vampires in WoD. Or rather it was "Hey we're vampires, let's throw cop cars at each other!"

08:22 / 04.02.06

Just to explain the following joke. There is a running conspiracy in Aberrant that the UN sanctioned supergroup Team Tomorrow is involved in a worldwide plot to sterilise the posthuman population in order to keep them at manageable levels.

Momento (After being given a drink by a Team Tomorrow medic): Falls to ground clutching groin and screaming in an agonised voice "I see no link!"

Evil Claw, pointing a gun at National Defender Infinity: "Look, I'm not insane! I'm just trying to stop a taint demon from the future."

Mr Orange: I think we've pissed off everyone on this planet except for China.

Evil Claw: Do they have submarines?

12:25 / 04.02.06

Ok relatively recent 'tale of true stupidity' here. We're playing NWOD: Vampire, we've got to assault a block of flats filled with junkies (it's the world of darkness what can you do?) to get back one of the Prince's human relatives. So we sneak round trying to find our way into the fortified upper floors. We get into a small fight, I'm low on blood so I think 'aha some wacked out humans, they won't mind if I take a pint'.

...Big mistake, I end up botching a roll, drain the poor bastard dry and end up off my head on heroin. I spend 30 mins in game being unable to say anything but 'GRAAAAHHHHHHHHHH' or 'UNNNNHHHHHH' while trying to get through a hole in the roof to get upstairs. I spend most of this time falling off a table I'm trying to climb on. Then when I get to where the fight is I switch on my Nosferatu broad spectrum 'cause terror' powers.

So it ended up with me stumbling around off my face, looking hideous, causing people to flee in terror or empty their guns into me, going 'UNHHHHHHH!' for almost 3-4 hours real time.

I haven't done that again, remember kids drugs are bad m'kay.