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How to Huggle an Ultimate Fighter

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00:59 / 24.01.06

Just like that, man.

01:06 / 24.01.06

For fuck's sake, just don't kiss one!

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

01:15 / 24.01.06

Dr. Strange, Harvey Fierstein and some dude with a soul patch demonstrate how to huggle the World's Most Dangerous Man....Jerry Herman.

He has so much to teach us.

11:22 / 24.01.06

Isn't that John Lurie?

11:23 / 24.01.06

Uh, the guy with the soul patch, I mean.

11:23 / 24.01.06

Perhaps it is only Dr Strange's tulpa.

09:33 / 25.01.06

I've huggled an amature cage fighter, who assures me if he didn't have three kids and a job, he would put everything into going for pro and up to ultimate.

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:39 / 25.01.06

So, is ultimate a class, rather than a style? Does one have to work one's way through penultimate fighting first?

09:44 / 25.01.06

ha ha - apprently so - well, I think it's more a case of ultimate fighting champ only accepting pro-cage fighters, in a pyramid style scheme rather than class structure, everyone fighting fighting to the top, as it were.

10:16 / 25.01.06

An Ultimate Fighter is someone who fights in the Ultimate Fighting Championships--it's not a style or a class, but a brand. Thus, also, the Ultimate Fighting Championships are so called because they are peopled with Ultimate Fighters.

http://www.ufc.tv/index.cfm?fa=LearnUFC.QandA

http://www.ufc.tv/index.cfm?fa=LearnUFC.Styles

This list of styles seems to be a general one. There are also fighters trained in sambo, muy thai, and so on, which leads announcers and fans to call it "mixed martial arts".

They will tell you, haus, that MMA is the Ultimate form of martial arts, because it incorporates anything that works, and in a sense they are not wrong. It is the Ultimate form for fighting in the Ultimate Fighting Championships. There are a lot of people in the world who could mop the floor with an Ultimate Fighter, if not for the cage, the point system, and the league structure, all of which are designed to eliminate the psychological and evasive tactics that are employed when, say, your opponent has a longer reach than you, or is stronger than you, or is a better wrestler than you. For good reason! That stuff is not as impressive on TV as two giants whacking each other bloody. But almost every time, the winner of a UFC match is the taller man with the longer reach; if a smaller man wins the fight, it's usually by KO, rather than TKO or submission--that is, he happened to whack his opponent on the chin in just the right way.

Blah blah blah. Now everyone's going to make fun of me.

10:22 / 25.01.06

I won't Qayln, I knew what MMA was.

The guy I huggled employed judo and brazilian ju-jitsu along with kick-boxing, but his aim was always to get a couple of hits he could take and get the person onto the floor to use the ju-jitsu to get a submission.

10:25 / 25.01.06

Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. "I'm-a do dis, I'm-a do dat, I'm-a get a summishin/get a knockout/get my hits in." It's always the taller guy with the longer limbs.

10:25 / 25.01.06

Couldn't the ‘cage’ bit be the class? I don't even know how classes work. But it’d be nice if they had to work their way up to an Ultimate Cage after being an Ultimate Box fighter, an Ultimate String Bag fighter, an Ultimate Terrarium fighter. Cage status should really be worth something.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

10:27 / 25.01.06

Do they start at the Ultimate Paper Bag Fighter stage?

10:28 / 25.01.06

Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. "I'm-a do dis, I'm-a do dat, I'm-a get a summishin/get a knockout/get my hits in." It's always the taller guy with the longer limbs.
I watched the first two or three UFC pay per views back in the day, and it seemed the Brazilian guy (5'9" maybe 5'10") always won, and always did it in the style of grappling a guy on the matt for 30 minutes which was kind of boring. Royce Gracie? This was probably before the rule changes you mentioned.

10:29 / 25.01.06

Andre Arlovski, current heavyweight champion, 6'3"

Chuck Liddell, current light heavyweight champion, 6'2"

Rich Franklin, current middleweight champion, 6'0"

And so forth.

How do you mean, bedhead? They fight in a cage because they grapple a lot and otherwise they'd fall off the edge of the mat.

10:31 / 25.01.06

Royce Gracie is an unstoppable monster. He could beat up Godzilla. He totally doesn't count.

10:31 / 25.01.06

You know what, I don't think they even had different weight classes the first couple of pay per views.

10:33 / 25.01.06

I'd agree with Mr Q, if it wasn't for two things, boxing is very different from fighting, and the second is a Mr Mike Tyson, short, when in his prime the closest thing to a fighter that boxing had seen in decades.

10:33 / 25.01.06

Yeah, I don't know. I've been watching very casually for about a year.

10:35 / 25.01.06

Young Mike Tyson would only need to get one punch in. Even a punch to the leg while being grappled on the ground.

10:37 / 25.01.06

I was talking to Jacky D, there.

Benny, Mike Tyson is an exception for exactly the reason I said--he was a knockout artist.

10:37 / 25.01.06

Oh, I don’t know what I mean, qalyn. You’re the expert! I just feel sure that an Ultimate Cage isn’t the only way to contain Ultimate Grappling, somehow. And anyway, if they’re all different sizes, wouldn’t that affect their caging requirements?

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:39 / 25.01.06

But Tyson's style was all about getting inside his opponent's guard, which works in boxing because you are only allowed to hit your opponent with the front of your fist...

Anyhow. On careful examination, it appears that I am taller than any of those so-called champions, and thus declare myself uncontested king of Ultimate Fighting. I am available for huggles.

10:40 / 25.01.06

but only in a cage?

10:43 / 25.01.06

Ah yes, Mr Q, I see now you mentioned that, my apologies.

Oh and not only am I taller than all those boxers too, but I discovered that I am taller than John Terry, who always looks taller on the television than he did in real life - he is tall though.

Enough thread rot.

I have no problem hugging anyone.

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:55 / 25.01.06

Ah, that's because he usually wears shorts on TV, but probably trousers with four reverse pleats in everyday social interaction.

11:02 / 25.01.06

And he pulls his socks up soooo high!

11:35 / 25.01.06

Tyson's style was all about getting inside his opponent's guard, which works in boxing because you are only allowed to hit your opponent with the front of your fist...

If he'd been interested, and had there been a UFC for him to fight in, and had the UFC been able to match the kind of prizes he earned boxing, he would likely have trained in some forms of wrestling that would have protected him. I'm sure he'd have loved hitting people with his elbows, which is particularly dangerous. However, at only 5'11", he'd have been pretty vulnerable on the mat. He probably still would've relied on knocking people's blocks off.

And, haus, I don't think it's a good idea to use huggling as a prize only for the winners of the UFC. Any Ultimate Fighter can be huggled. Put on your little shorts and get over here.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

00:45 / 26.01.06

That Gracie boy from the first few UFCs (yes, the final matches were usually half an hour of him and Kent Shamrock huggling on the mat) said when asked if he could "take" Mike Tyson "I think if he hit me, he would probably kill me."

I remember one of the early ppv fights with a blonde guy from Oklahoma who studied ninjitsu. "We don't know much about him," one announcer says. The other jumps in with "Well, that's normal. I mean, he's a ninja."

First fight the ninja from Oklahoma gets beat like a bad habit. It was over in under a minute and he left with blood all over his face (his own blood, it should be noted). I guess he wasn't allowed to disappear in a cloud of smoke or cherry blossoms or wooden flutes or whatever.

05:50 / 26.01.06

If an ultimate fighter tried to hit me I'd move inside his guard and his punch would go round me and it would be as if we were huggling.

12:56 / 26.01.06

That's exactly how it works! Seriously, it looks just like that. And then, if it's a really good, gnarly fight, after it's over they huggle each other and maybe even get some spooning in. Seriously.

17:32 / 26.01.06

It doesn't just look like they're huggling. They are really huggling.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:58 / 26.01.06

This makes no sense. When I was at school there was a guy who was constantly bullied for being abnormally tall. Are you telling me that if Yeovil District Council had put a cage in the playground he'd have kicked everyone's ass?

Tuna Ghost- of course the ninja got pwned. That's what ninjas DO. That's why they're always so embarrassed they have to hide everywhere.

20:54 / 26.01.06

Hmmmm.... my plan to cunningly fuse this board with geoffthompson.com seems to be continuing under it's own steam....

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