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It's Monday the 7th. It's the early hours. I stink of Kebab and sweat and joy. It's my birthday.
I've just been watching The Fall. With support from John Cooper Clarke. Oh! Calou calay!
I was drinking at the bar next to Mark E. Smith. Fucking hell. He's a machine. A Russian Mafia boss. A solid human pork pie double decker bus of aceness.
During the support acts he came among the crowd, and kept proffering a vintage telephone up to the band with a look of childlike joy on his face. It was amazing, like, really symbolic and meaningful.
Cooper Clarke had some fucking jokes, I can tell you. Oh sweet fuck we had lulz. Imagine the following in a thicker northern accent than mine (which is saying something).
"People say- Johnny, Johnny, how did you get here? This ain't an existential question. They mean what form of transport did I employ. I say the best kind of car is a...
Audience: Hire Car!
A hire car, a Lada or a Cortina. A Cortina's a special project. It's a showpiece. It's a shed. It could be a landmark. Turn left at the tangerine Cortina."
(He ducks away from the mic for a second, then reappears) "You could of missed ten Works Of Art then!"
"Q: What's the difference between a sheep and a lada?
A: It's marginally less embarassing to be seen taking your tackle out the back of a sheep."
"I used to watch the empty bus go to Burnley when I was a lad. It contributed to my prejudices about the place. A cathedral of lies, you could say...I call it Darwin's waiting room. They still point at aeroplanes. I've only been there once. You can judge a town by it's best hotel. I told my agent to get me the best hotel in the town. I put my key in the door and it broke the window. I went to the manager, I said "I've gorra leak in me sink". He said "Don't worry mate, we do it all the time".
A couple from Burnley get married. How can you tell they're form Burnley? All the guests sit on the same side of the church. Later they're about to consumate their love, at the Bell and Whistle in Clitheroe. She turns to him: "I've got a confession to make. I'm still a virgin." He reels back in shock, throws on his satin pink dressing gown, and rings his father. His father says: "She's a virgin? Son, get a divorce right away. If she's not good enough for her family she's not good enough for ours."
And then The Fall themselves were fucking amazing, basically. So tight but so animated. The way Eleni does that thing with her eyes. The way M.E.S. actually "falls" into the chorus of the songs. I can't put it into words.
My Cyberman, Davros, 4th Docotor, K9, Tardis, Bessie and Dalek In Special Circular Tin haven't come yet but when they do it'll be amazing. As well, I'm getting The Ark In Space and Resurection Of The Daleks on DVD and they've got loads of special features like 3d schematics. And that's hardly an exhaustive list. People are so bloody nice to me.
I'm so fucking happy. I hope everyone is as happy as me. |
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