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Peek at Death's schedule

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Triplets

19:24 / 14.10.05

Quick! While he's not looking!

An ex-friend beats you to death with a full gallon of paint.

Mourne Kransky

20:16 / 14.10.05

After a heated argument with a crazed dry-cleaner, he strangles you to death with your own pants.

At the age of 105, I hope.

ibis the being

20:18 / 14.10.05

A gas leak in your home causes a major explosion, killing you in the blast.

Nice. I like how I, a totally paranoid hypochondriac, get the realistic one that I can now worry about late at night when I can't sleep.

Tryphena Absent

20:24 / 14.10.05

Your unrelenting heckling of a prop comic drives him to beat you to death with a toilet seat.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

20:27 / 14.10.05

While on a group tour of a candy factory, you fall over a guardrail and land on a taffy pulling machine. Your head, torso, and legs are ripped into three separate sections.

Nice to know I'll die sweetly.

Totem Polish

20:31 / 14.10.05

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you are thrown into a vat of sulfuric acid. Your body is turned into a thick sludge.

How very...classic. I almost wish I lived in a b-movie.

8===>Q: alyn

20:38 / 14.10.05

Right there with you, ibis.

You die from complications of a ruptured appendix.

Incidentally, have you ever thought of changing your name to ibex? I mistyped your name just now and it looked kind of cool.

lekvar

21:01 / 14.10.05

While taking a leisurely stroll down a country road, a distracted farmer runs you over with his combine, shredding your body into ribbons.

Hah! This is so obviously wrong! As a citizen of the United States, I never walk anywhere!

It is clear that I will live forever.

Hieronymus

21:09 / 14.10.05

Doesn't get any funnier than this.

Your unrelenting heckling of a prop comic drives him to beat you to death with a toilet seat.

CarrotTop. It's totally fucking CarrotTop. Have you seen the arms on that bastard?

8===>Q: alyn

21:13 / 14.10.05

While taking a leisurely stroll down a country road, a distracted farmer runs you over with his combine...

How could the distracted farmer run anyone over with a combine when he is clearly strolling down a country road? Goddammit, I'm so confused.

Saint Keggers

21:43 / 14.10.05

You die from complications of liver failure caused by years of heavy drinking.

What complete nonsense! My liver will never fail! It will never die. It'll be the strange supernatural part of me that keeps re-animating the rest of my body.

sTe

22:19 / 14.10.05

I don'r even heckle! well not usually, I tend towards the avoidence of that sort of things; unless provoked of course. I defy this proposition of amusing or otherwise def and also I don't like it

ibis the being

22:35 / 14.10.05

...changing your name to ibex? I mistyped your name just now

A likely story!

I have to say, if I'd gotten Keggers's liver failure prediction I'd be very upset right now... and drinking away the pain.

sTe

22:52 / 14.10.05

Shiete Keggers, most predictions of the future turn out to be 96.5% inacurrate(?) when the time comes, so it's wisely suggested by the ancients in past times. The worst way to go is being bummed by trees with spiders on, or appearing in the Darwin's. Don't get going all George Best on us whatever happens, it could be worse, you could have glided on the web of a specially trained team of spiders from a burning building only to land on another buildinf that also got burned! An after you'd been training them spiders for months for a good web milking in emergency situations et al.

How annoying! (I personally believe that all large buildings should have an emergency roof cannon, with plently of 'catch nets' on all other nearby buildings)

The Falcon

23:25 / 14.10.05

I'm to be stabbed repeatedly by my future wife during a heated argument. Entirely conceivable.

Saint Keggers

23:42 / 14.10.05

Well you know what they say, whatever doesnt kill me can only make me stumble.

Mazarine

00:33 / 15.10.05

"Suffering with general depression, you slit your wrists while sitting in a warm bath. You die from rapid blood loss."

Delightful.

Mourne Kransky

05:35 / 15.10.05

I wonder what general depression is? Is that where the low mood is disseminated throughout the body rather than, say, just having one very depressed hand or a suicidal knee?

Mysterious Transfer Student

06:45 / 15.10.05

Qalyn, it seems that you and I are to be united in death. I'm not sure I know you well enough to be comfortable with this.

Mysterious Transfer Student

07:19 / 15.10.05

... sorry, I was referring to lekvar, of course.

Reading is difficult!

Our Lady Has Left the Building

07:48 / 15.10.05

While on a boat, you slip and fall overboard. As you struggle to climb back in, your hands are chopped off by the motor's blades. You sink beneath the water as you bleed profusely.

So just so long as I give up on that cherished dream of joining the Navy I should be okay.

Evil Scientist

09:34 / 15.10.05

I die from complications resulting from a ruptured appendix.

Quite unnerving considering mine was removed when I was a kid.

Jack Vincennes

10:06 / 15.10.05

While drunk with friends, you fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck. Thinking you've simply passed out, your friends ignore your lifeless body for hours.

All the Google ads were for hen nights in Nottingham and Birmingham.

waxy dan

10:52 / 15.10.05

While walking up an escalator, your shoelace gets caught in the moving stairs, and you are dragged all the way to the top. You die from internal injuries.

Yeesh. Slip-on's from now on; screw you Death!!

Quantum

11:39 / 15.10.05

In a case of mistaken identity, you are shot to death by the mob.

The Brighton Mafia use knives, that's obviously rubbish. Maybe I'll win a free T-Shirt...

imaginary mice

12:34 / 15.10.05

While sitting in the passenger seat of a friend's car, a faulty airbag deploys, crushing your face.

To die by your side
The pleasure and the privilege is mine...

Aertho

13:33 / 15.10.05

While on a roller coaster, the ride malfunctions, and you fall from the car to your death, several hundred feet below.

Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns

13:55 / 15.10.05

You are beaten to death by a disgruntled teammate with a bar of soap stuffed in a gym sock.

Should be funny as i'm the only adult in a basketball team for under 10's!

paranoidwriter waves hello

16:14 / 15.10.05

In a case of mistaken identity, you are shot to death by the mob.

They're just breaking my balls...

Billuccho!

17:51 / 15.10.05

Depression leading to sleeping pill overdose.

Crap.

pointless & uncalled for

19:10 / 15.10.05

Inappropriate discussions on downloading porn from the internet will cause you to become the sworn enemy of the Amish who will hack you to death with scythes as you shower

I'm never washing again. If you think I stink then you can eitehr blame the Amish or porn.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

20:55 / 15.10.05

CarrotTop. It's totally fucking CarrotTop. Have you seen the arms on that bastard?

Crazy, huh? I guess somewhere between that awful movie he made and those awful 1-800-Collect comercials, he started lifting. Made the leap from unfunny, skinny pop-culture joke to an unfunny, heavily-muscled pop-culture joke. Good for him, I guess.

Chiropteran

21:30 / 15.10.05

An improperly hung ceiling fan falls from above you while it's running. The fast-moving blades slice through your neck with ease, launching your head across the room.

Yow.

juan de marcos

21:33 / 15.10.05

Enraged by your accusations of incompetence, your cable installer beats you to death with his crimping tool.

Mmmmm I've been living without TV for years, so I'm not going to start now!

unheimlich manoeuvre

21:48 / 15.10.05

While driving, you look down to dial your cell phone. Failing to watch the road ahead of you, your speeding vehicle crashes into an overturned fuel tanker, causing a massive explosion which turns you into human kibble.

What's human kibble? I mean I can guess but...
It's a cruel world, probably work phoning harassing me for being late. I admit there is a certain justice to it after all those years of mocking people with their phone headset thingies. It was a simpler world before, when you never had doubts about strange people muttering to themselves intensely on station platforms.

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