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John Woo to direct He-Man movie?

 
 
Lord Morgue
05:15 / 08.10.05
Just like the time I saw Roseanne Barr naked, I'm not sure whether to come, scream, shit myself, or faint, and will probably do all four.

NOES! NO CLICKY!
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
10:15 / 08.10.05
The fuck?!

(checks calendar)

It's not April... I have no words.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:21 / 08.10.05
I... ah... I...

ineedadrink
 
 
All Acting Regiment
12:35 / 08.10.05
Should be good, this. Apparently they're spraypainting a tiger green instead of using CGI.
 
 
robertk
12:49 / 08.10.05
And I absolutely see Sam Neill as Man-At-Arms (check the Ideal Cast thread).
 
 
Lord Morgue
13:49 / 08.10.05
Painting a tiger? YESSSSS!
This will be the best Tiger-with-a-dye-job movie since Beastmaster!
 
 
Aertho
14:18 / 08.10.05
What Ideal Cast thread?

And that He-Man kid looks perfect for the job. He appears plastic. And FYI: He's the one who shaved his head for Samantha in Sex in the City.

TEELA! TEELA! TEELA!
 
 
MacDara
15:49 / 08.10.05
At the very least, I expect a proper Orko.
 
 
Lord Morgue
16:05 / 08.10.05
Indeed. The Dolph Lundgren/Frank Langella offering let us down shamefully in the Orco department. Although Meg Foster as Evil-Lyn... ooh.
 
 
gridley
16:37 / 08.10.05
Orko's presence will doom that movie to even greater depths of failure.

He/it just can't work outside of a kid's cartoon.
 
 
Aertho
16:49 / 08.10.05
Ye of little faith.

Who else could be Robin to Prince Adam's Batman?
 
 
Aertho
16:53 / 08.10.05
Gridley:



Are you asking for more of this?
 
 
Ganesh
18:00 / 08.10.05
Casting, eh?



=



?
 
 
This Sunday
20:39 / 08.10.05
'Masters of the Universe' was an interesting film adaptation... of Kirby's 'New Gods' while trying not to get sued for... ah, hell if nobody cared when Lucas did it, nobody cares when it's a Dolph Lungren movie.
Personally, the John Woo/Jean-Pierre Melville film listed on IMDB interests me a helluva lot more.
He-Man always annoyed me. Manowar and Teela should've got together and, y'know, Rasputined him away into the cold, cold night and a cold, cold river.
Things seemed kinda down all then time in the He-Man-verse, whereas the She-Ra-verse, just seemed to have more down time where there were unnececessarily sparkly parties. And she could kick He-Man's ass.
A Cringer movie would make my day, though. So long as it doesn't turn into slash-fic-on-film of Skeletor's and Adam's kitties. Just think: Cringer PoV, everybody wasting time doing something - 'Transform, boy, we're going to fight -' - internal Cringer thought: fuck this, there's gotta be a steak in this palace somewhere - hours later, 'Bet Evil-Lyn has steaks at her place.' - exuent.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
21:24 / 08.10.05
Skeletor
 
 
Bard: One-Man Humaton Hoedown
00:07 / 09.10.05
Man-At-Arms: "Blah blah blah danger blah blah Skeletor blah blah steak."

Prince Adam: "Blah steak? Blah blah blah I don't wanna blah blah where's Cringer?"

Cringer: (internal narrative) "Why is Skeletor more important than my steak? I bet the steak's in the deepest, safest room in the castle. I'd better go get the steak before the dumb kid remebers that stupid sword!"

(later on, after Skeletor is killed and brought back to the castle)

Man-At-Arms: "Where's Skeletor's body?"

Teela: "I saw Cringer dragging it off."

CUT TO: Cringer, chewing on the bone.

Cringer (internal narrative): "I didn't participate in the fight. AND I got free bones. I am a happy kitty."
 
 
Bard: One-Man Humaton Hoedown
00:09 / 09.10.05
First off, I OWN a Fisto-toy (shut up shut up shut up!).

...and its good to know what the little red spinny gun toy goes to. I always wondered.

Then again, I also have a Skeletor, He-Man, the weird snake armed lizard dude, and many others.

God I loved He-Man as a child.
 
 
This Sunday
01:24 / 09.10.05
"Orko's presence will doom that movie to even greater depths of failure."

But there were a fleet of Orko-by-way-of-Yoshitaka-Amanos in those Lord of the Rings movies and it didn't seem to hurt them. So as long as Orko's a dead king and hunts prettyboy hobbits, it's all good.
 
 
Lord Morgue
01:26 / 09.10.05
I'm seeing He-Man striding through a flock of doves in slow-motion, wearing the BADDEST COAT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN, just before he and Skeletor start flying through the air firing twin .45's at each other...
 
 
Aertho
02:11 / 09.10.05
Chronicles of Riddick?
 
 
gridley
02:17 / 09.10.05
Ok, a Hong Kong-style, dual-gun He-Man with a ring wraith Orko and an incestrous Teela & Man-at-Arms pairing might be worth seeeing.... if only for the potential travesty value.
 
 
This Sunday
03:29 / 09.10.05
I'm just going to call attention to "the potential travesty value" of a He-Man movie, once. Moving on, isn't Ring Wraith Orko, .45-slinging Adam, Teela/Manowar slashy/sexing DIRECTED BY JOHN WOO and narrated by the internal self-examinations and obsessions of Cringer... far more entertaining than anything a straight adaptation of the toy and their previous adaptations, taken in whole, would otherwise be? Whadday want, a script by Billie Wilder and David Mamet, direction by David Lynch and/or Michael Bey, effects by WETA and costumes by ghost of Edith Head possesing the body and design-hand of Gaultier?
I'm afraid the throw-offs we come up with here will be far cooler than the inevitable actuality. Unless they made it anthology film with parts by Woo, followed by segments by Luc Besson, Ryuhei Kitamura, and Woody Allen.
Which brings me to: None of the secondary villains from 'Masters of the Universe' actually had anything to do with the cartoon, did they? Er... except Beastman, I mean. And excluding Skele-I'm not Darkseid really-tor. And they never, ever - please someone reassure me - pulled off Orko's red kit and showed him to be a gilled-dwarf, right?
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:12 / 09.10.05
Don't forget the segment by Special Guest Director Quentin Tarantino.

He-Man: And you know what they call a ... a ... a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Etheria?
Teela: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese? He-Man: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
12:32 / 09.10.05
More importantly, how are they going to make this not look like the Triumph of The Will?
 
  
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