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Last Day in Corporate Hell

 
 
electric monk
02:41 / 30.09.05
In seven short hours, my last day as a cog in Corporate America begins.

After six years of working for a multinational behemoth as a graphic artist, I have decided to leave. The place has gotten a lot more impersonal, tons more stress-inducing, and not just a little bit shitty. A new CEO just took over recently and offered those who wanted to leave or were thinking about leaving a very nice Voluntary Exit Incentive Program. Basically, I get paid for two months after I leave, plus payouts for vacation time and insurance coverage thru COBRA (not the GI Joe nemesis).

I signed the contract for the program two months ago, thereby agreeing to stay on till the current catalog production was completed. So, for the last two months, my motivation has steadily dropped every day, and I have gotten sign after sign that this was absolutely the right decision despite my initial reticence previous to signing on and worries after I had done so. And, as my work ethic waned, my Barbe-lurking has waxed, natch. I expect tomorrow, I will do nothing but read threads here and have a lovely Exit Interview.

Now here's the selfish part: Send me off on a high note, make suggestions for last-day-on-the-job tomfoolery, wish me luck, etc. in true Barbe-style. I won't be able to chime in (can't log in at work, damned security) but I'll be reading. Thanks!

And do chime in if you're leaving the security of a 9 to 5 for the stomach-churn of job-searching too.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
02:44 / 30.09.05
Well, lots has happened to me in the last week, and my name from here on in is 'Phoenix', for I am risen from my own ashes. I think 'Joe Keternal' is in there somewhere as well. Money Phoenix Joe Keternal $hot. PLeased to re-meet you.

Congratulations, monk.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
03:17 / 30.09.05
I thoroughly envy your departure. You get to leave work, AND get shot in the arse with a rainbow-type thing.

Don't forget to raid the stationery as you leave. Particularly printer consumables.
 
 
Seth
04:47 / 30.09.05
Go up to someone, take them to a meeting room and tell them that you've loved them for a long time from afar.
 
 
Seth
04:48 / 30.09.05
BTW: Good to have you back, Rothkoid.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
06:12 / 30.09.05
Thank you, fine sir!
 
 
Triplets
07:28 / 30.09.05
Shit in a fish.

Leave it in the desk of someone you don't like.
 
 
Jub
08:39 / 30.09.05
Well done Monky. You've made a bold move and fortune favours the brave! TRUTH!
 
 
grant
18:55 / 30.09.05
Yes on the thievery of consumables, especially printer paper (easier to do this over several days). Extra points if you can get your phone without anyone noticing.

I remember hearing about one of us tabloid guys who moved over to your multi-national, then got fired for inserting rude messages in very fine type in one of the Sunday newspaper glossy ad inserts.

You're already on your way out....
 
 
electric monk
19:43 / 30.09.05
I'M OUT BABY! I'M OUT!
 
 
w1rebaby
19:49 / 30.09.05
Right - how many biros, highlighters, packs of Post-Its, reams of paper, desktop PCs etc did you manage to liberate?
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
19:49 / 30.09.05
Well done. Have a glass of Dom Perignon and a herbal cheroot!

!POP!-glou-glou-glou-!puff!
 
 
electric monk
20:00 / 30.09.05
Yeeeessssss. Had the Exit Interview (the woman conducting the interview was in fucking DISBELIEF when I'd finished explaining my reasons for leaving. Got cake. Got taken out to lunch. And now I'm here. Home before the wife and son, burning a bowl and blasting 'Demon Days'. Thanks to you all for giving me a buncha smiles on this momentous day.

Money Shot: Be well, brother/sister. Welcome back from the ash heap. And thanks.

Rothkoid, Seth, and Triplets: Alas I have become, somewhere along the line, a total puss and was unable to lie, steal, or shit in fish today. I know I've let you down. But there is still a Farewell Happy Hour to get thru, and I plan to drink MIGHTILY, so chances are good of something untoward and apocryphal happening.

JUB: STRONG TRUTH! MANY THANKS! *LIFTS LARGE STEIN OF ALCOHOL*

grant: When was this? And are you sure it was a guy from one of the tabs? 'Cuz I know a guy who was fired for very much that same thing. He wrote "For stupid kids." in 4pt type on a children's educational software package (LeapFrog Math or sumpin'). But I think it probably happens all the time. I know another guy who was put on a "Personal Improvement Program" for splitting the company name at the gutter of a two-page spread in a headline, so that the right-hand page read "pot Makes Sense".

BE WELL! A MAN WILL SEE YOU MONDAY!
 
 
electric monk
20:13 / 30.09.05
*takes glass*

*glug*

*smacks lips*

Ahhhhh!

Right - how many biros, highlighters, packs of Post-Its, reams of paper, desktop PCs etc did you manage to liberate?

Pack of blue Sharpies, four packs of index cards, and more printouts of Crowley's 'Equinox' on the company dime than was thought possible.
 
 
grant
20:35 / 30.09.05
Yesss! Sweet, sweet xeroxed books!


grant: When was this? And are you sure it was a guy from one of the tabs? 'Cuz I know a guy who was fired for very much that same thing. He wrote "For stupid kids." in 4pt type on a children's educational software package (LeapFrog Math or sumpin').

Hahahaha!

That might be the same guy. This would be in 2002, I think (maybe late 2001), and I heard about it from another tab guy who had been working there. This may have been a friend of his who he knew from working there, or it may have been someone who'd done freelance work for both corps. I remember my editor being all "that's terribly unprofessional" about it.
 
 
Sekhmet
20:58 / 30.09.05
Congrats to you! And much envy as well.

Down a pint at your celebration for us poor souls still trapped in drudgery, eh?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:02 / 30.09.05
Raising a glass of Shiraz to you as I type. Onwards and upwards! Carpe diem.
 
 
electric monk
17:18 / 01.10.05
Rest assured, I drank my share and your share and your share and that other guy's share.

BTW, also swiped this before I left:

gotcha.JPG

Former VP's nameplate. It's like big-game hunting. over there. I know a woman who stole the nameplates of seven of the ever-rotating VP's in our department. This one was a prize catch.
 
 
Fist Fun
18:38 / 01.10.05
Go "corporate robot speak" in your exit interview. Be overly nice and positive.

When I left my last job, and to be fair I was head hunted to got to the direct competition, my boss kinda hit the roof. Standing back, disengaging emotions and throwing out empty phrases thanking them for the "the great opportunities" but being truly sorry that it is "time to move on take it to the next level" is fun and effective.
 
 
Triplets
00:10 / 02.10.05
Alas I have become, somewhere along the line, a total puss and was unable to lie, steal, or shit in fish today.

Well, you're out now. Congratulations. Time to grow strong again.

Your fish shitting days are far from over.
 
 
electric monk
01:00 / 03.10.05
Indeed, I am, even now, pooing on a rather nice cut of haddock.
 
  
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