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You know you're not cut out for the adult world when...

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STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

18:46 / 12.09.05

'Twas only yesterday, when relating this tale to Anna and another friend, that it occurred to me just how unbecoming it was for a guy in his thirties.

OKAY. For some reason, the people at my work seem to trust me enough to put me in charge of a bunch of people. And that's not a new thing, I've had minions for a good two years or so now. My previous, even crappier job also figured this made sense. I don't get it. I'm kind of lucky, in that I've always been blessed with good minions, who know what they're supposed to do and do it, so I don't have to do any shouting at people stuff, which I suck at. (It's kind of a win-win situation, really... they do what they're supposed to do without me having to tell them, they do it really well, I get praised, then I say "but I did fuck all, they're all really good and I'm very happy with their work" so they then get the plaudits too).

Trouble is, being in a "minion-having" position, I have to go to a ton of meetings. Not too much of a problem, except it's only now occurred to me that my in-meeting behaviour is probably a bit shit.

I have no idea how our work bonus scheme works. Which is kind of important. Why? Because at our last meeting I kept giggling and saying "you just said boner" every time they said "bonus". It was fairly informal, so it didn't really matter, except I now have no idea what's going on.

Funny thing is, I was never like that when I actually WAS twelve. I'm pitched somewhere between a second childhood and a mid-life crisis. Weird. I remember sod-all of my twenties, really... if you put my entire memory of those ten years together you could probably make a month if you used a couple of bits twice. Now I DON'T spend my whole time fucked, but somehow I'm 33.

(One thing I do remember from my twenties... a flatmate confiding in me about her latest boyfried troubles... "all men are fourteen-year-olds, really. Except you. And you're four".)

Anyone else feel displaced in terms of age?

19:03 / 12.09.05

God yeah. My job's seen me gradually eased into the role of authority figure (or TEH MAN), and I've become increasingly aware that I'm absolutely shit at being the bad cop. I can do it, just about, but I hate it. I'm currently looking for jobshares where I can be the Good Fairy all the time.

19:03 / 12.09.05

I barbquote that entire post Stoatie.

19:06 / 12.09.05

Especially the remembering my twenties segment which will warm my cockles for a good while.

19:20 / 12.09.05

Especially "You're four".
Yes, I think I realised a few years ago that I just had to opt out of the "big adult coping with things in the dog-eat-dog world" version of life when I realised that I just couldn't bring myself to be a twat to my employees (yes, they were; not co-workers or colleagues) much as they might need it. This in turn led to my being miserable in my job because I couldn't do the bullshit "ra-ra" adult motivation stuff that business requires. They then got mis as they saw that if their boss hated it, what hope did they have?
Since deciding to regress and be a bit more of a selfish kid, things have improved immensely. I do all the stuff I loved as a teenager (I lived ten miles from the nearest town, so most of it was comics, games and computers) I get lightly pissed on a regular basis (I'm happier when I drink the amount that would have got me smashed as a kid, and hate having to do the grown-up hard drinking thing) and have learned to accept that not getting laid on a regular basis is not a bad thing (hell, I managed 16 years, what's a few more?). I sometimes wonder if the world hasn't got it the wrong way round. Trying to be responsible these days forces you to try and control other people: "You can't manage? Fuck your pay rise!". Learn to enjoy yourself first and things go a lot better. You find you have more time - or are less grudging of the time required - to actually give a shit about what others really need.
You also have more time to watch the new series of Galactica on DVD. Yes, slightly selfish kid works for me.

19:23 / 12.09.05

I hold essentially the same principles and theories on sex, politics, chemicals and spirituality and roast beef sandwiches, that I did at, oh, six. As far as I can tell, the world agrees with me, it's just all these people squatting on the planet that mess things up.
But when I get really stubborn about some issue, I get to feeling - fairly quickly - that I've regressed to six or younger and am just gritting my teeth, stamping my feet and refusing to budge.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:29 / 12.09.05

I kind of agree, except selfishness is something I try to avoid (tis a sore point... that libertarianism argument in the Bush is a sick fuck thread has made me unreasonable on that point for a while)... being a kid, though, is ace. I wish I was actually a kid NOW- they have so much more cool shit than we did. Having said that, in thirty years' time they'll probably be saying the same about kids as we are now. Unless we've actually managed to totally fuck everything up for them. Which is more than a possibility. They'll be riding those polar bears across the boiling seas, guiding them with their three thumbless hands, and going "what the fuck's that BOOKS shit our grandparents were on about? Still, best find The Cave Of The Elders and all that malarkey".

And when they finally reach the cave where the elders live, we'll be there making dick jokes and talking about Transformers and Star Wars and shit. THAT's when the human race will give up, I reckon.

ALL I'M SAYING is that those little fuckers better bring some beer with them.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:33 / 12.09.05

Apologies for derailing my own thread, there.

(Note to self- shut the fuck up. You know, just occasionally).

19:37 / 12.09.05

Ohhh... don't get me started on Libertarianism. I nearly bit my fingers off to stop myself continuing that bullshit. Someone who identifies as a libertarian last night told a friend that he was arrogant and irrational when he was explaining how he was happy to pay for people to be on the dole. Bwuh? Huh? Von Mises! Wo sind Sie im unsere Hur of need?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:50 / 12.09.05

See, that's the one grown-up thing I think I do well- responsibility. I hate it, but I can do it. The fact that I can do it seems to suggest to people that I must be good at it... I fear it terribly. (GRR Libertarians. Rights WITHOUT responsibilities? Fuck that).

19:57 / 12.09.05

I'm 21. I'll bump this thread in 2010.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:00 / 12.09.05

Triplets- my advice for being in your 20s... make notes. You may need them later.

20:06 / 12.09.05

I'm 21

Of course you are dear. Of course you are.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:07 / 12.09.05

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE TOILET???

20:10 / 12.09.05

Do you, grandpa?

20:22 / 12.09.05

We can go where we damn well like, young 'un. And often do.

20:34 / 12.09.05

Careful, or I'll get all Germaine Greer on your ass about your ageism.

I might get all Germaine Greer on your ass anyway, Triplets, just to keep the machinery oiled. Prone to rust at this age.

20:38 / 12.09.05

Mmmmmm dominant older Aussies...

20:40 / 12.09.05

I heard a rumour Alex's Grandma was from Erinsborough.

20:41 / 12.09.05

Well, I do like to keep my ass well oiled.

Do you want a nap first?

20:42 / 12.09.05

Yes, and I shall dream of Anne Haddy.

20:53 / 12.09.05

You know, they could give you medication for that and you could live an almost normal life again, cube.

Triplets, it's a date. Streams of Pleasure, right after Emmerdale. I'll soak my dentures tonight, especially for you.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:58 / 12.09.05

Cube, you've just thrown me right back into Helen-death-trauma. YEARS of drugs and Sunset Beach it took me...

...you bastard. I hope you're proud of yourself.

21:03 / 12.09.05

You see, all this worrying about adulthood is just a symptom of failing to deal with the death of superego substitutes such as Helen and Jim. Now, tell me how you felt when you first saw Jim walk out of the war room in 24.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

21:18 / 12.09.05

The odd thing is, I spent my teenage years watching Countdown (how the world shook when Richard Whitely passed away) and other classics interspersed with Stannah Stairlift adverts, not entirely due to the avancing years of my parents. Now I'm old enough for a mid-life crisis, I hardly ever see daytime TV.

What did I do in my Twenties? The fun bits did seem to involve putting various things over my head to scare the living daylings out of tripping acquaintances, after all. Of course, I never go masked these days.

Thankfuly, I've never really had minions, only volunteers to supervise. Since volunteers usually like being there in the first place, by the time they're in any position to be in any need of any sort of managing, they generally just stop showing up. I would make a terrible manager.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:22 / 12.09.05

I never watched 24. My Helen-trauma was, I thought, all covered by watching Sunset Beach. I actually gave up telly for years after that. (seriously- when I'm sober I'm starting an FTVT thread on why Sunset Beach was the absolute apotheosis of TV. You can hold me to that. If I don't, then remind me and I will. Fuck... it had zombies, it had Aaron Spelling actually, literally, playing God... and the whole turkey-baster thing... really, that's largely why I stopped watching TV for so long. NOTHING could live up to that. Oh yeah, and those dream sequences where Annie could STOP TIME AND LISTEN TO EVERYONE'S INTERIOR MONOLOGUES... Fucking hell. Much as I love 'em, neither the Invisibles or the Filth could fucking match that.)

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:30 / 12.09.05

I actually think I'd make a terrible manager. When I was working at (the comic shop that shall not be named because it is evil on a Lovecraftian scale) I was put in charge of the people who were nice but a bit crap (which was generally everyone, cos who'd actually make the effort in a place like that?) My best management technique ever was to take them aside and say "look, it's shit, we all know it, and I've been told I have to yell at you. I can't really do that, and I don't think you deserve being yelled at either. Let's just pretend I thought you were doing somethign wrong, which I didn't, and let's just pretend I yelled at you about it, which I didn't, and let's just not bother having this fucking meeting at all. If anyone asks, I checked it out, and you were okay. Now let's nick stuff".

That was all lies, by the way. ALL OF IT.

Ah. Back to the point. Minions seem to like having me as a boss. The people directly above me, for this reason, seem to think I'm good at being in charge of people. This is a total proof of the theorem that business is bollocks, because both those theses are clearly untrue.

21:45 / 12.09.05

that, mssr stoat esq, is exactly the point. well spotted. i'm forty one and still have no idea what i want to be when i grow up.

but i bet you excel at being a minion-haver precisely by dint that you manage this situation for its own sake, with the people you have to work with, not trying to enforce some expected ideal on the situation. rules are only good when you can break them and you have blithely smashed through rule one to twelve of management without noticing; lost somewhere in the mire of your twenties, no doubt.

doesn't matter, carry on. that's the point. i have a motto: grow old, not up. works for me, or has so far.... good point to post on, though. well spotted, too!

21:48 / 12.09.05

I'm the exact opposite when it comes to minions. I've had a number of jobs where someone has been methfucked enough to think I'm management material and it always ends badly*.
You know how somepeople turn into complete fucks the second the sit behind the wheel of a car, or how some people become complete shits before they've even finished their first beer? I'm like that with management responsibilities. I don't know why and I don't like it. I've learned that it's in everybody's best intresests for me to stay out of positions of power.

*Well, not always. But lord, it itsn't fun by any means.

unheimlich manoeuvre

22:09 / 12.09.05

On the whole age and responsibilty thing I'm in this schizoid situation at work. I'm in a position of authority dealing with the emergency services, social workers, occupational therapists and charities. Work is emergency alarms to aid independent living and care in the community. There are long periods of paperwork and boredom interspersed with stress. My manager sends me his work documents and newsletters to proof read and correct. Sometimes the world's weight is on my back and I feel so adult.

Then I go out to do an installation in some old dears home and they offer me tea and cake, then ask if I'm on work experience or mistake me for one of their grandchildren.

Gah! Not sure what I'm going on about. The age or who I am is a reflection in the eyes of others rather than this fixed thing. I reckon.

22:58 / 12.09.05

When I was four, I made me tiny sister play circuses. I (of course) was the ringmaster, and my sis had to be fifi the poodle and jump through hula hoops. I have never replicated this level of authority ever again . Which makes me a little sad.

I have also never really had any minions, only perfectly capable people who are probably better than I am, and I'm not really in charge of any way.

I feel I am i)slightly craving power and ii) too bossy to be trusted with any. It is a very sad state of affairs.

But, on the Anne Haddy front, I have one particularly clear teenage memory. It was when points of view was on telly with evil Anne Robinson, and someone wrote in to say Anne Haddy wore odd shoes in Neighbours. And they showed the clip - and guess what? She did. One was red and one was blue, presumably to go with her blue and red outfit. Odd eh?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

06:54 / 13.09.05

I'm surprised that never caught on, actually, Anne Haddy being the style goddess she so clearly was...

07:13 / 13.09.05

I saw lovely young man in central oxford t'other day with one pale pink and one pale blue baseball boot (on each foot)....

08:36 / 13.09.05

with one pale pink and one pale blue baseball boot (on each foot)....
Surely not two shoes on each foot...
sorry

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:48 / 13.09.05

Oxford, you say...?

Bloody students.

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