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are you living?

 
  

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John Chong
05:27 / 01.03.02
Look, first you just have to sit in a lotus position and everything will turn out alright. U just have to understand emptiness till your consciousness is like water mixing with water....hopes this helps
 
 
Jackie Susann
05:40 / 01.03.02
A while ago a counselor told me I was cyclothymic - something like bipolar, but less severe. At the time I thought it was complete shit, but I am more and more tolerant of the possibility. If it's true, I am entering my 'up' phase. It's definitely a transition into living - not so much from surviving as from wishing I wasn't.

The air feels good, I am making decisions rather than letting things wash over me, I am excited about the future, and I'm happy, pretty much.

Also, I feel I should point out that nobody was ever cheered up by reading Debord. Hakim Bey, maybe...
 
 
Fist Fun
06:03 / 01.03.02
I'm living. My life rocks. I pretty much do what I want. Working rips a big, fat, bleeding chunk out of it but it isn't always bad. Sometimes I get to do cool things during the 7.5 hours and I am working towards getting to do cool things during the whole of it.
After the 7.5 hours I pretty much do cool, fun stuff all the time. Although I am not a cool, fun person. Work that one out.
One day soon I'll find out that life isn't about cool, fun stuff and then I might realise I'm not really living. I'm young though, give me a break.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
12:55 / 02.03.02
quote:Originally posted by mr y:
[QB]And other good things in life include AC/DC and thighs. QB]



I agree heartily. The profile quote for me, actually has about six or seven meanings, which is why I like it.

But if I told you ANY of them, I would have to kill you.
 
 
w1rebaby
18:20 / 02.03.02
quote:One day soon I'll find out that life isn't about cool, fun stuff and then I might realise I'm not really living. I'm young though, give me a break.
Nope - life really is about cool, fun stuff. It's when you get convinced otherwise that you're in trouble.
 
 
Margin Walker
00:54 / 03.03.02
I'm going through such a horrible point in my life that I'd be reduced to tears if I had to list all the shit thats happened. This is just the highlights:

**Unemployed for 4 months with little prospects for a well-paying job.
**The weather here's abyssmally cold & snow drenched.
**The only thing that's holding my muffler together is a coffee can & I just had to pay $60 for a new tire (I honestly couldn't make this up if I tried).
**I can't afford to heat my apartment because I've already got an electrical bill for $75(!).
**I'm living in a town in which most of my friends have moved away & I sometimes go more than a day without leaving my apartment or speaking to anyone.
**I'm thirty & have done absolutly jack shit with my life.
**I haven't had a girlfriend in over 3 years (although alot of that's my own damn fault).

So no, I haven't lived, much less been in a good mood, in a long time.

<plays "How To Fight Lonliness" by Wilco yet again>
 
 
Persephone
01:25 / 03.03.02
This is the truth, Margin... I left Madison when I was thirty, and my life perked right up.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
03:15 / 03.03.02
Dead Pirate Crunchy--in my experience, if people haven't been already diagnosed with a mental illness (and I guess, even if they have), then they tend to be cyclothymic, since human beings tend to be cyclothymic. And I don't mean just as a result of situations, of course. It could just be that I happen to know an unusually high percentage of nuts.

I hope to whatever god there may be that your physician didn't try to prescribe any meds for this condition, if you've been comfortable with it and have been handling it well.

I'm happy to be a normal human being with cyclothymic tendencies (other diagnoses notwithstanding), even though I'm in a low bit right now.

A real curse would be dysthymia, which, according to my mother (who is a diagnosed whacko in a number of ways and loves to research a number of mental illnesses), is a disorder where the afflicted generally feels unwaveringly blah.

I love the highs and lows, just like I like bad driving--it makes it all so much more like a roller coaster ride.

*edited in an attempt to make more sense*

[ 03-03-2002: Message edited by: theapplepicker ]
 
 
The Apple-Picker
03:49 / 03.03.02
But to answer the question: Yes, I am living it. Sometimes, when I'm really down, I forget to live it, but that usually doesn't last very long.

Life is for loving.
I love hard and fast, just like how I drive. Sometimes I wreck, but we're not coming out of this thing alive anyway, are we?
 
 
A
11:28 / 03.03.02
(checks pulse)

shit. apparently not.

still, I'm having a fine time of it.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
11:52 / 03.03.02
MW I am so sorry to hear about this hard time you are having! If it is any consolation and I don't know if it is, I find that the hardest times in life help one grow the most. Just keep believing things are going to get better and I promise you they will. I will be pulling for you.
 
 
bitchiekittie
10:00 / 04.03.02
quote:YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

modthree....were we dating for a bit? that sounds too damn familiar

quote:just, why does it take so long to change things?

you know as well as I do, w1rebaby love that some things are well worth the wait!

quote:we missed each other lots, and we decided that if we both danced in roundabouts on opposite sides of the world, we'd have some crazy connection across the seas. So I'd like to extend the invitation outwards to anyone who doesn't think they're living. Go on, find a roundabout sometime today. Take yr Walkman or don't. Just do a little hip-wiggle in the grassy patch, okay? For at least a minute. I guarantee, it will make you feel much more alive

this may have very well made my whole day, rosa. thank you!

margin, so sorry to hear about the way your life is treating you right now. have faith that it will get better - if it doesnt happen soon enough, let us know and well do our best to beat it into submission!
 
 
Ganesh
10:26 / 04.03.02
quote:Originally posted by theapplepicker:
Dead Pirate Crunchy--in my experience, if people haven't been already diagnosed with a mental illness (and I guess, even if they have), then they tend to be cyclothymic, since human beings tend to be cyclothymic. And I don't mean just as a result of situations, of course.

I hope to whatever god there may be that your physician didn't try to prescribe any meds for this condition, if you've been comfortable with it and have been handling it well.

I'm happy to be a normal human being with cyclothymic tendencies (other diagnoses notwithstanding), even though I'm in a low bit right now.

A real curse would be dysthymia, which, according to my mother (who is a diagnosed whacko in a number of ways and loves to research a number of mental illnesses), is a disorder where the afflicted generally feels unwaveringly blah.

I love the highs and lows, just like I like bad driving--it makes it all so much more like a roller coaster ride.



There seems, at times, to be a generally-held Barbe-assumption that slavering teams of "physicians" roam society's wastes, ever-eager to diagnose and medicate individuals who are, basically, just minding their own business. A sort of psychiatric version of the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'.

If someone is "comfortable" with the fluctuation of their moods and "handling it well", it's slightly difficult to see why they're presenting themselves to a doctor in the first place.

Yes, I expect the vast majority of people experience mood swings that aren't directly and obviously attributable to their life situations: personality type, genetic loading and hormonal variations are probably at least as important in determining one's overall approach to the world. It's a mistake to rule out all pharmacological approaches on the basis of your experience alone, though, isn't it? If you're gonna decide that 'dysthymia' (which, basically, means unhappiness which doesn't amount, symptomatically to actual depression) is worthy of medicalisation, why not 'cyclothymia'? Surely the key factor is the extent to which the low spells are 'unwavering', and one's ability to cope with them when they arise?

In the UK, it's not usually doctors who rush to medicalise 'normal' life experiences; more often than not, they're reacting to individuals demanding that 'something be done' about their problem, whether conceptualised as illness or not. Medication (carbamazepine, sodium valproate, etc.) can sometimes be helpful in alleviating unpleasant mood swings; if they're proving distressing enough to the cyclothymic individual, why not try it?

And I have to say I'm particularly living today. Dunno whether it's down to Spring, pay-day or ZoCher being shortlisted for a London job, but life is currently sweet.

[ 04-03-2002: Message edited by: Ganesh v4.2 ]
 
 
Sauron
10:57 / 04.03.02
I'm living it for 30 minutes before I go to bed and in the shower in the morning. This is the time when I dream of riding into the sunset.

Trouble is I don't dare leave my relatively exciting job becasue I'm not brave enough.

I always wanted to be Tyler Durden, but I'm turning into Lester Burnham ...
 
 
deja_vroom
12:49 / 04.03.02
*quick check*

Still not living. Damn it.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
12:58 / 04.03.02
Ganesh--
quote:If someone is "comfortable" with the fluctuation of their moods and "handling it well", it's slightly difficult to see why they're presenting themselves to a doctor in the first place.

Agreed. I am speaking from my personal experience. I don't mean to say that physicians are bad in prescribing drugs. I mean that my physician, kind-hearted, well-intentioned as he was, lept to prescribe me medication, and offered no other options than drugs. This is very worrisome to me, and how others are likely receive similar treatment.

quote:Yes, I expect the vast majority of people experience mood swings that aren't directly and obviously attributable to their life situations: personality type, genetic loading and hormonal variations are probably at least as important in determining one's overall approach to the world. It's a mistake to rule out all pharmacological approaches on the basis of your experience alone, though, isn't it?

I did not represent myself well in stating that I hoped that Dread Pirate Crunchy was not prescribed drugs. I hoped that the good Pirate had been offered other potential solutions, and not just prescribed drugs without those offerings.

I do not rule out the possible benefits of drugs. I don't doubt they have helped countless people; they just have also, unfortunately, been sold as the best (or even only) means to health; this is not so in many cases.

quote:If you're gonna decide that 'dysthymia' (which, basically, means unhappiness which doesn't amount, symptomatically to actual depression) is worthy of medicalisation, why not 'cyclothymia'? Surely the key factor is the extent to which the low spells are 'unwavering', and one's ability to cope with them when they arise?

In my response to the good Pirate, I noted that my understanding of dysthymia comes only from my mother, and she described it as a depression of the senses but not of the mood--a condition where one goes through life with everything being just okay. It was this understanding that brought me to write that I would rather have the highs and lows of cyclothymia than the blahness of dysthymia.

I tried to look up dysthymia, but all I could find were it's parts--dys- being abnormal or impaired and -thymia being a condition of mind or will. Vague to me.

quote:In the UK, it's not usually doctors who rush to medicalise 'normal' life experiences; more often than not, they're reacting to individuals demanding that 'something be done' about their problem, whether conceptualised as illness or not. Medication (carbamazepine, sodium valproate, etc.) can sometimes be helpful in alleviating unpleasant mood swings; if they're proving distressing enough to the cyclothymic individual, why not try it?

I can't speak for people living in the UK or across the board for US citizens--just from my experience; and that is: almost every time a family member of mine (or myself) has gone to the doctor, we have been diagnosed with a chronic illness. And it's not just been one doctor, which leads me to believe that our problem wasn't a mad-physician. For these illnesses, we were prescribed drugs and not lifestyle changes or anything at all other than drugs.

One could argue, I suppose that my family is just horribly sickly. Could be.

But I took myself off all drugs without the guidance of a physician when I was in a deep depression that hadn't seen relief in six months. I was much happier without the drugs.

Not that everyone will be.

I've now made this post into the Apple-hates-drugs-except-for-wine-wine-is-pretty-good post.

I hope that I've cleared up more of my points in this post than unclear ones introduced.

Today? Mm. Well, I did say life is for loving; since I'm doing a lot of loving I can't help but be living. I am doing this all, however, in my hideous blue flannel polar bear footed pajamas. Soon I hope to love more chicly.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
13:05 / 04.03.02
I only live selectively.

Like just watching the good bits of a film.

Wheeee!

Other times I'm not sure I exist, and find myself looking out of this shit bodies eyeballs like nothing makes any sense. Disassociation.

Panic! What who why when where? Stop it, lethargic panic, head is spinning, body is dull and deadened. Is it mine?

Looking in the mirror thinking, who the fuck is that? Where am I? Who am I? What am I?

Drunk and happy.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
13:21 / 04.03.02
Living? You betcha.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
13:30 / 04.03.02
What Rosa said, pretty much. Am feeling that I've been more 'alive' in the last six months than I have been for years, in terms of interacting with the world, making connections, following my heart/instincts/passions. Meeting people and relating to them in totally new ways, people who don't think i'm a lunactic...

Bloody tiring *work*, beginning to look like I'm going to have some pretty major angry scenes with my family in the next few months, leaves me up and down and spinning like a yo-yo. Not neccessarily 'happy' as such, but feeling like I'm directing my life for the first time, which is an amazing feeling.

And on a tangent, been talking to a good friend who is terminally ill and always has had a real 'go out and get life - there's beauty and energy and joy if you look for it - you have to take the downs to get them' attitude, which is now standing him in really good stead for making some really scary decisions...
 
 
Ganesh
17:06 / 04.03.02
TheApplePicker: can't particularly speak for your doctors, but I personally seem to spend much of my professional life attempting to persuade people pharmacology isn't the answer to their problems. Thing is, people go see their doctor with particular expectations and, if given reassurance and/or common-sense advice, often feel rather 'fobbed off'. I think the problem lies on both sides: most doctors go into the medical profession because they want to be wanted and, at some level, need to help. Faced with unhappy individuals requesting a solution to their problems, they'll generally try to help - and many overprescribe as a result.

Dysthymia: I'm not sure how one separates the 'mood' from the 'senses'. We could fill an entire thread (again) with definitions but, in practice, it's taken to mean unhappiness as distinct from depression.

I certainly wouldn't claim that medication of any variety is the be-all and end-all, particularly with a complex entity like depression which straddles genetic/biochemical/environmental/personality lines more than most. Your own experiences (coming off everything in the midst of a "deep depression") aren't necessarily to be emulated - in fact, depending on circumstances, it may actually be dangerous to do so.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
23:25 / 04.03.02
I can't think of anything sillier than someone saying that they aren't "living life". No one here has ever not been living. You just stopped noticing for a while.

Even in the worst depths of my depression (a year or so in which I can confidently say that I didn't have a single emotion beyond annoyance or mild contentment), I was still living, interacting, changing, learning and whatnot.
 
 
deja_vroom
08:43 / 05.03.02
I am not living life. And now I'm silly, too. Go me!
 
 
w1rebaby
08:43 / 05.03.02
i suppose if I was shut in a box for my whole life, technically I'd be living, too.
 
 
Jackie Susann
10:28 / 05.03.02
Um, just to clear things up - it was a counselor who suggested I was cyclothymic, so she couldn't prescribe drugs anyway. She suggested I go to a GP and get a prescription, but for various reasons (not trusting/liking/getting along with that counselor, hostility to antidepressants, changing circumstances) I didn't. This is no commentary on health systems or mental health professionals in Australia or generally, and anyone who wants to pursue it should probably start another thread (done it before, you say?)
 
  

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