Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
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And what would you do for love?

Lilly Nowhere Late

20:20 / 11.07.05

Or, maybe, what have you done for love?
I've put up with a ridiculous amount of stupid shit,
moved a million miles away from everything, and later back into the middle of it all; I have suffered and triumphed and put myself into strange jepordies; I have gone against principles and hurt people.
I could go on, but what about you?

20:46 / 11.07.05

"All the Desperate Things You Made Me Do" is going through my head.

For love I don't think I've ever done anything unusual. For lust I've done many things which I ought never have done, or been asked to do. For a sense of obligation or overprotectiveness, worse still.

And this is why I haven't responded in the other thread yet (although I probably will soon). In my experience, love asks only love in return and the occasional above-and-beyond-in-time-of-crisis. Codependency is the one that asks for blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids obtained only with much pain and angst. So when I try to imagine the most extreme things I would do for love, I come up against the block: well, real love wouldn't ask that of me.

I'm sorry, I forgot this was Convo. I'd learn to make coffee. But only if it's really love.

Whisky Priestess

20:51 / 11.07.05

Travelled for hours to see them, lent money, forgiven idiocies, waited around for the phone to ring, got all dressed up and found I had nowhere to go ... the usual, really.

paranoidwriter waves hello

20:53 / 11.07.05

Kept their filthy secrets. For example...

Lilly Nowhere Late

20:58 / 11.07.05

o yeah, filthy secrets, and the politics of keeping them...

Lilly Nowhere Late

21:02 / 11.07.05

"Codependency is the one that asks for blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids obtained only with much pain and angst."

I think 'codependency' can easily be replaced here with 'lust', but you're probably right about the love thing and its demands being a bit more gentle.

ibis the being

21:22 / 11.07.05

I've taken on the role of sole chef in the home. Of course, my role of sole chef is made considerably easier and more rewarding by his taking on of the role of nearly-sole takeout-purchaser.

Does this mean I have to post in the companion thread to keep them together?

Alex's Grandma

21:42 / 11.07.05

The love thing, and its demands being a bit more gentle

But sometimes they aren't, though, love's demands.

Sometimes they aren't.

astrojax69

21:45 / 11.07.05

i gave up coffee (and other drugs) almost eleven weeks ago. i miss coffee. i don't miss the other drugs.

almost every morning, i grind beans and make a plunger of coffee for my s/o, usually still in bed. is that not love and devotion?

paranoidwriter waves hello

21:54 / 11.07.05

What happens if she leaves?...

Ouch! Sorry mate, only kidding. I'm just a jealous, bitter and twisted, single simpleton...

But as my Nan once said to me:

"You should want to be with someone not need to be with them"

I don't need anyone! Isn't that right nurse?... Nurse?!

Whisky Priestess

21:57 / 11.07.05

Also, I'm not sure it's a question of being asked to do the things you do for your SO, or to make sacrifices or whatever. I think you just do those things - almost without thinking, sometimes - because you know it will make that other person's life easier or better or happier; end of story.

If you can only feel validated or appreciated if you shove your "sacrifices" in your SO's face or constantly remind them of all the things you've done for them, then damn, you're doing it for reasons that have nothing to do with love or even affection. Beholden is not a good thing to be, particularly inadvertently, and particularly in the context of "love" relationships.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:02 / 11.07.05

It appears that I would emigrate. Twice. Who knew?

Whisky Priestess

22:05 / 11.07.05

Sorry, the above are general musings not aimed at anyone in particular, sentimentity, but inspired by your thoughts on codependency.

22:08 / 11.07.05

But sometimes they aren't, though, loves demands.

Sometimes they aren't.

Alex, I'll grant you that. But I'll also differentiate between, say, the personfriend clinging to my legs bawling "If you really loved me you wouldn't care about anything but my needs!" and the personfriend with the really tasty looking cat of nine who absolutely demands that I clean the house... naked... and with a featherduster buttplug in. (Two completely hypothetical examples. I swear. Take seriously at own risk.)

Baz Auckland

23:54 / 11.07.05

On the spur of the moment, I once ran down a dock onto the salmon sorting area, grabbed a 6-foot long hook, then crawled along some slimy wooden planks underneath the dock, and proceeded to fish my love's hat of the water (which had fallen in moments before)....

...well, she said it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her....

Sax

11:17 / 12.07.05

Spent 300 quid on a pair of Jimmy Choos.

foot long subbacultcha

11:39 / 12.07.05

Convinced her to call the bloke she'd been in love with for four years. She believed it was unrequited, and it turned out I was right, she was wrong. Yay, me

Loomis

11:48 / 12.07.05

Ouch.

Whisky Priestess

12:01 / 12.07.05

Spent 300 quid on a pair of Jimmy Choos.

But I bet they look great on you, Sax.

Sax

12:54 / 12.07.05

They absolutely crippled me.

Ganesh

12:56 / 12.07.05

Systematically telephoned everyone in the Edinburgh telephone directory who shared his name (who'd have thought 'Xoc' was so commonplace?) in order to 'casually' invite him to a party.

Which, now I put it in pixels, looks a tad creepy-stalkerish.

Sax

12:57 / 12.07.05

Did you speak to any interesting people before you found him?

Eloi Tsabaoth

12:59 / 12.07.05

Did you invite everyone with the same name? And they all turned up? That would be a great party.

Ariadne

12:59 / 12.07.05

Bloody hell. His name is, emm, not all that unusual. How many calls did you make??

Ganesh

13:01 / 12.07.05

Bloody hell. His name is, emm, not all that unusual. How many calls did you make??

He was the 18th one I spoke to. Unsurprisingly, none of 'em was the, er, famous bloke.

Ariadne

13:07 / 12.07.05

Maybe those people get calls every week, looking for the famous bloke, so they just took it in their stride.

Well, I'm impressed with your dedication. I hope he said yes, when you got through.

It doesn't quite compare, but I went all the way to Brighton to buy red shoes - I needed them for flirting with Loomis at Bizunth's party. Sorry to hijack your party for my own purposes, Biz.

Ganesh

13:15 / 12.07.05

I went all the way to Brighton to buy red shoes - I needed them for flirting with Loomis at Bizunth's party.

Was serious moonlight involved?

And no, he didn't come to my party; we would've done, but was off work with a dental abscess. We didn't hook up until the following week.

We've only ever had the one telephone call for Famous Bloke.

Ariadne

13:24 / 12.07.05

I hope Xoc pretended to be Famous Bloke?

Ganesh

13:29 / 12.07.05

It was in the wee sma' hours. He was more Angry Bloke.

Eloi Tsabaoth

13:31 / 12.07.05

Sorry to hijack your party for my own purposes, Biz.

I should bloody well think so. Loomis hardly noticed my new red shoes.

Ganesh

13:36 / 12.07.05

As I recall, all eyes were on Sax's bleeding plates o' meat...

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

14:25 / 12.07.05

It involves a girl I'd lusted after for years, a situation where we became co-workers, a gig I took her to after work one night where my band was playing, and being accosted in the toilet by said girl.

YEARS...but me Wife was at home...same thing almost happened with a Stripper at another show. Ask anyone, it's hard to remain faithful in rock'n roll.

I gave up Heroin because she threatened to walk.

The right woman, you get my all I suppose.

Disco is My Class War

15:43 / 12.07.05

Yes, fidelity in the rock lifestyle is terribly difficult. It's all those amps. They just tempt one so with their offers to suck your cock before a gig.

Back to the things we do for love: I make the coffee every morning, often when my loved one is still in bed. I mean, I drink coffee, so I benefit too, but it's a thing. We sorted it out very early on. I also do the baking, if baking needs to be done. And I do the massages.

But I think it's a mistake to think that love shouldn't demand huge... I was going to say 'sacrifices' but that's not what I mean. Maybe I mean gifts. Gifts and risks, also. It doesn't have to be codependent.

Whisky Priestess

15:44 / 12.07.05

Literally hours of oral sex. (He had a condition).

I wouldn't do it again though. I'm not as young as I was.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:49 / 12.07.05

I gave up all hard drugs for a couple of years once...

...looking back, things may have gone better if I hadn't.

I also once gave up my bohemian dolescum lifestyle to get a job... only to de dumped within a few months because we didn't see enough of each other and I was always at work.

Not that I ever have, mind you, but I reckon I would be willing to hose someone down with holy water, were they to get too hot.

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